Irritations: Spring 2012 Edition

I woke up this morning to a light rain.  The house phone rang before 7:30 and woke the baby up (and it was someone calling who KNEW they could potentially wake the baby up).  Kyan stole the last three or four bites of the first donut I have had in longer than I can remember.  I am not in a good mood.  And, therefore, I will share with you my list of Irritations: Spring 2012 Edition. Are you on the edge of your seat with excitement?  Thought so.

1) This pretty gnarly case of writer's block I have going on right now.  I have a ton of unfinished drafts because I just can't find the words to get them out right.  Also, I've only written two posts this week and they've both been lists.  So there ya go.

2) Sidewalk clutter.  I love to walk -- a good portion of the calories I burn in a day, I burn by walking.  And since I have small children and a husband who works long, crazy hours I almost always have to walk with kids in tow.  Which means pushing a double stroller.  Which means it's seriously irritating when people put crap all over their sidewalks.  Mostly, it's not even their fault.  The city is lazy about picking up "excess debris" and will let stacked up tree branches clutter a sidewalk for weeks before removing them.  Assholes.  But there are people down the road from me who did something to the sidewalk in front of their house so they filled the space with . . . sand.  Have you ever tried pushing a stroller through sand?  Impossible.  Have you ever tried pushing a stroller filled with two children around sand?  They kick it and get it in their shoes EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. no matter how much you threaten them that "iftheydoitthistimeSOHELPYOUGODtheywillregretit."

3) My hubs came home from work Tuesday morning (he was working nights) with "flu like symptoms."  Ya'll.  A sick man.  'Nuff said.  I was actually thinking the other day that I'd rather deal with about eight sick children than one sick man but then I remembered last fall when Jaidan and Kyan were doing that tag team projectile vomitting thing. 

4) This whole "if someone doesn't like me, they're just JEALOUS" mentality.  This is not a new irritation.  I get and understand and blah, blah, blah the rational behind "if someone doesn't like me, it's their problem."  Get it.  But you know what?  Sometimes people just don't like you because you're an asshole.  If you have a smokin' hot bod and are a raging beyotch, then people don't hate you because of you're body.  They hate you because you're a raging beyotch.

5) Women who use their weight as a weapon.  You know the type, right?  The ones who don't have any problem throwing around the number on the scale to make other women feel bad.  Those are some toxic bitches, ya'll. 

6) The amount of calories in ONE Cadbury egg.  I will wait and buy them after Easter.  The 50% off counts for the calories too, right?  RIGHT?

7) I've pretty much held my tongue about this whole Trayvon Martin/ George Zimmerman case but I gotta say this now.  You know what pisses me off?  When Zimmerman's attorney alleged that Martin "slammed his head" into the ground several times, TONS of people were saying that they just knew it.  They knew the dude did something to instigate.  I'm not even trying to turn this into anymore of a racial thing but let's look at it as a gender thing: if this asshole had been following a 17-year-old female of ANY race, she decided to defend herself, and he shot her -- seriously, what would people be thinking then?  Since he was following a 17-year-old boy and the boy fought back, it's okay that he was shot?  And, even more than that, it's okay that he was shot because he had an offensive Twitter handle, sent out nasty tweets, and was suspended from school?  Even if he was a little douchebag thug, he didn't deserve to die for it.  He was 17!  How many of us are the same people we were at 17?

8) My email was hacked earlier this week.  Everybody in my address book got a message about how much I hate myself.  What the what what?  Couldn't they have just out a link to some porn?  Sheesh.

9) Time.  In particular, how fast it's speeding by.

This precious girl will be two in less than a week!  On the one hand, I'm so happy to be done with the baby years and (hopefully) diapers will soon be a thing in the past.  I've been changing diapers for nearly six years now!  I've been buying diapers (sometimes for two children) for nearly six years!  I'm so over diapers.  But, on the other hand, we are done with the baby years.  These have been the fastest years of my life.  *Tear*

Thursday Things

1) Easter Baskets.  Gahhhh!  I don't understand why I absolutely love Christmas and playing the fat, jolly guy.  But when Easter rolls around, I dread playing the part of overgrown bunny.  I'm pretty sure this has something to do with having roughly 34848942 kids.  I mean, check out the spread when I only had one:

That's TWO baskets, a ton of candy that wouldn't fit in the baskets (note: the SIX MONTH OLD was not the one eating that candy.  #fatass), and a ride-on car thing.  Overboard, much?

These days, it's usually a trip to Dollar Tree to fill the Easter baskets (ONE for each child).  This year I'm thinking of going all theme-y and doing "summer."  Filling the baskets with things like bubbles and frisbees and water guns and sidewalk chalk.  What are you putting in your kids baskets?

2) Speaking of Easter . . . love this picture of my Bear with PawPaw last year.

I'm sad that we won't have PawPaw with us this Easter.  But I'm so glad for sweet little memories like this one.

By the way, my grandparents were married 60 years ago today.  They had 59 years, three kids, six grandchildren, and ten great grandchildren together.  Pretty awesome, huh?

3) Last thing about Easter -- WHERE are the coconut filled Hershey kisses?  They only come out at Easter and I haven't been able to find them this year.  THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.  Easter is my favorite candy holiday.  Cadbury eggs and Starburst jelly beans.  And we all know Reeses tastes better when they're in the shape of an egg (totally put one back at the grocery store yesterday when I realized how many calories were in ONE of those eggs).

4) We finally caught up with the times and got Netflix streaming.  Ya'll.  This is the best thing ever.  I feel like my DVR can be MINE again.  Right now it's full of Backyardigans and Jimmy Neutron and Super Why.  All of which also come on Netflix.  I will reclaim my DVR!

5) I think I'm going to start blogging 16&Pregnant again.  I totally missed this week's episode but that's pretty much par for the course when it comes to my 16&P blogs.

6) I loaded my cart with veggies at the grocery store yesterday.  If you know me then you know this is kinda huge.  I'm not a big fan of vegetables and, in the past, had to either force myself to eat them or rely heavily on canned green beans (still a huge fan of those, by the way).  But I'm getting better -- for my own health and because I want to set a good example for my kids.  Anyhow, I actually had an older lady compliment me!  I was throwing tomatoes and carrots and cauliflower into the cart and she said something like, "it's nice to see a young mother buying more than just junk for her kids."   Aww.  I guess maybe it was a good thing I couldn't find those Hershey kisses with coconut.

I happened to buy kale for the very first time.  I hadn't even heard of it until a few months ago.  We're going to try making kale chips to go with dinner tonight.  I'm going to put money on Jaidan being the only kid to try them . . .

7) My baby will be two a week from today!  I need somebody to hold me . . .

The boys and I went to Target yesterday to pick out gifts.  They had coupons come out with Sunday's paper so I was able to get a couple toys at half off.  SCORE!  The boys thought she had to have a La La Loopsy doll so I let them pick out one for her.  I love how much they love their baby sister.  Kyan told me the other day, "Mommy, I really love all babies but I love Kare Bear the best!  She's just the cutest!"  Everybody now: awwww.

8) It's still only March but my boys are already talking about Halloween costumes.  Jaidan says he's going to be a skeleton but Kyan has decided the whole family needs to dress up as Power Rangers (he called dibs on the Red Ranger).

9) Speaking of Power Rangers . . . the green Ranger is a hottie!  I totally googled him.

{Via}

His name is Hector David, Jr and he is 22!  Legal!  He was also in a movie called #1 Cheerleader Camp that has a special "upskirt edition."  Oh, Hector.

10) This beautiful weather we're having makes me want to clean and clean and clean and make my house sparkle.  Unfortunately, the need to be outside soaking up the vitamin D generally overrides the desire to clean.  Then we have a gloomy, stormy day pop up and my desire to clean shifts to a desire to lay around.  Spring cleaning?  Pshaw.

Have a great Thursday!

It Happened This Week

Mannnnn.  I feel like this week kinda kicked me in the ass!  I feel like it's already Sunday again and I accomplished absolutely nothing.  Gotta love those kinda weeks.

It's an absolutely deliciously beautiful Sunday in the mid-South.  Kyan, Karis, and I have already done a three mile walk (and I realized when we got back that one of the crossbars on the bottom of my double stroller is broken.  Wahhh!  Kyan is almost four and is probably too old for a double stroller but as long as he would sit in this one then his butt was going to be in it.  But now it's falling apart and I'm thinking, since my "babies" are nearly two and four that purchasing another one wouldn't be the best financial decision.  Boo).  I'm thinking we're going to spend the remainder of the day soaking up the Sunday Sunshine.  And there will probably be ice cream involved as well . . .

A look at the week we just had:

Sunday 3/18:

Monday 3/19:

Tuesday 3/20:

Um, hello?  When did my baby get so BIG?

Wednesday 3/21:

My kids have California Brain.  Well, actually, they have Disney Brain. 

Also, I have something wrong with MY brain because it's actually DOUBLE digits until we leave and not single.  Doh.

Thursday 3/22:

Friday 3/23:

So we went to CiCi's Pizza for dinner the other night.  I kinda think eating CiCi's is a lot like eating a cardboard pizza but we have four kids and it's one of the few places where we can go, everyone can eat as much as they want, and it costs us less than 30 bucks.  ANYway.  We went Friday night and Eddie went to get my drink while I was piling plates for everybody.  I've been Coke-free for three months now.  He knows this.  He knows there's been Coke Zero in the fridge rather than regular old sugary Coca-Cola.  I call him Sgt. Sabotage though so I figured this would make no difference and he would fill my cup with Coke.  Well, GUESS WHAT.  He didn't!  He got me a Diet Coke!  Notsomuch of a fan of the DC but, ya know what, he TRIED this time.  It was like a total . . . moment.

Saturday 3/24:

I pretty much have a black thumb, can't really keep a plant alive, and have never tried any sort of garden.  Jaidan has been bugging me to plant seeds but honestly (and kind of embarrassingly) I had no idea where to even start.  I found these tiny strawberry plants in the dollar bins at Target and figured they would be a decent beginner plant.  We planted them yesterday.  Jaidan doesn't "get" the whole thing.  Either that or he's just being an '06 Asshole and expecting instant gratification.  Regardless, he doesn't seem to understand why he doesn't have strawberries yet.  I've tried to explain to him that we MIGHT not even get strawberries at all.  We'll see how this whole "gardening" thing goes . . .

Lately(ish).

The other day I was reading a blog post and the author chick was all, "Instagram is so annoying" and then I was all, "bitch please" because, HELLO, some of us have only had iPhones for about 45 minutes and you know what?  WE STILL LOVE OUR INSTAGRAM.  So take your "I've had Instagram since five minutes after Steve Jobs first announced the iPhone" and stuff it.  Thankyouverymuch.

So, yes, I'm still in love with my Instagram.  And, riiiii now, Imma share with you what we've been up to lately.  Via Instagram.  And by "lately" I mean within the last, oh, month.  Because it's been that long since I gave an Instagram onslaught.  I KNOW you've been on pins and needles.

We made Bird's Nest Cookies the other day!
I don't think I used enough peanut butter because the cookies never set.  I finally scooped them up into a small pyrex dish, put them in the fridge, and then cut them into bars to eat.

Me and my Pretty Girl

I bought her this cover-up (new with tags!) at a yard sale for a couple dollars.  She LOVED it and would NOT let me take it off of her.

Baby Girl is READY for summer!

I get up early to work out "before the kids wake up."  Ha!

And here is one from this morning:

The early morning makes my one eye that's bigger than the other look freakishly larger.

Anyway.  I had FIVE MINUTES left.  Five!  And homegirl wouldn't let me have them.  I have a small bar on the side of my bike.  She climbed up and stood there and poked me in the face and yelled, "Mommy, feed me brea-fassss!" until I finally gave up.

Working out with a toddler is no joke, ya'll.

I was (trying to) do yoga via Biggest Loser on Kinect last night.  She was supposed to be in bed.  But she came downstairs, kept sitting on my back, and yelling "YEE-HAW!"  Fun stuff.

P.S. In addition to the yoga I also did some boxing.  Two nights in a row.  20 minutes each time.  And I am SORE.  Like, it hurts to walk up the stairs type of sore. Gah.

Muscles!

Love these boys!
I always said my children would never have cartoon character clothes.
Oops.
I also said they would never have light up tennis shoes or throw a fit in the middle of Target or own any kind of video game system before teenagerhood.
Oops.

My WOO PIG SOIEEEE flip flops.  Favorite!

Jerk kids have no respect for the classics.

 

 

We saw this little guy on our walk yesterday.  Kyan was scared to touch him!  What kind of boy is scared of a frog? 

Some other latelyisms:

- I am obsessed with the Alexia onion rings.  I  realize I could make my own for much cheaper -- and possibly for fewer calories (these are 240 cals for six onion rings, baked) but these are just sooooo good.  I also have a food obsession with making my own mini English muffin pizzas.  I guess there are worst obsessions a person could have.  Usually this time of year is full of Cadbury eggs and Starburst jelly beans.

- I had to pick up a few things at Dollar Tree yesterday and took all three kids with me.  Oh Em Gee.  Are my kids the only ones who totally lose their shit when they walk into that store?  Balloons!  Cheap toys!  Popsicles back in the frozen section!  The only store they act asshole-ier in is The Disney Store and at least I understand THAT one.

- We've been going to the playground at the school close to our house pretty much every evening after dinner.  I'm loving it because the kids run out their energy and (generally, the baby being the exception) conk out as soon as their heads hit the pillow.  Not long after we moved here, the school started a construction project and ended up removing the playground.  It's back now and we.are.loving.it!

- It's less than two weeks until my girl turns two!  I can't believe it!  We're officially out of the baby stage and it's pretty bittersweet.  Now if only we could get out of the diaper stage.

- It's also just about six weeks until Kyan turns four.  People always say, "I can't believe my baby is turning *insert age here*!"  (You know, like I just did above with the baby).  Yeah, that's not the case with the Kykers.  Oh, this boy.  I love him to bits and pieces but it's been four years of constantly keeping me on my toes!  Turning four HAS, however, made him more of a big boy.  We're completely over Yo Gabba Gabba (his former obsession) and have moved on to Power Rangers.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  Wait.  I know EXACTLY how I feel about it.  I DON'T LIKE IT!  Hmph. 

- It's yard sale season in my neck of the woods!  Man, I love yard sales.  We hit up one last week and I scored a bunch of brand new stuff and only paid $15 total.  That includes the swimsuit cover up pictured above, a Ralph Lauren dress for Kare Bear, and a coat I picked up for my nephew.

- Speaking of the nephew -- he and his parents (also known as my brother and sister-in-law) will be here in just a few weeks!  They're stopping by on their way to Texas.  We can't wait to see them!  It's been almost a year.  My nephew is going to be so BIG. 

Have a great weekend, ya'll!

Thursday Things

1) I am so mad - SO MAD - at Peyton Manning!

Peyton!  Your wife is from Memphis!  You went to school in Knoxville!  Your family lives in New Orleans which is a heckuva lot closer to Nashville than to DENVER. 

Denver!  Denver of all places!  I offer you this: #*@& and I'll follow it up with this: ^&@*$
Related: As many of you know, I didn't like Tim Tebow before it was cool to not like Tim Tebow.  Thanks to the fact that he hails from the SEC, I have hated on him since his college days when he was crying because Florida got a good Alabama Ass Whoppin'.  What probably pisses me off the most about this whole Manning Mess is that now I'm forced to feel sorry for the guy!  Teabag came into Denver, was their Golden Boy, and now they trade him?  For a fourth round and sixth round draft pick?  So not cool, Denver.  SO NOT COOL!

2) This is the time of year I miss living in central Texas the most.  I saw on Facebook the other day that the bluebonnets are starting to bloom.  Sigh.  I miss bluebonnets!

Cute Baby in Bluebonnets Alert!

And just because:

Picture of Cute Baby with his Real Daddy that was in the same folder as the bluebonnet pic

3) You know how I mentioned last week that I was going to tackle 100-calorie cake pops?  Yeah.  Not so much.  People, please just take my word for it: don't try using the cake mix with canned pumpkin trick for cake balls.  Please.

4) Last summer when Eddie was working a million hours, his only day off was Sunday.  We got in the habit of "Sunday Fun Day" where we'd do some sort of family activity - almost always the spray park.  He's only off every other Sunday these days but we've decided to reinstate Sunday Fun Day now that the weather is so nice.  This past weekend, we took KFC to the park for a picnic dinner and them some playground playing.  It was the perfect end to a reallysupergreatandawesome weekend.

We really had a great time.  Lovin' some Sunday Fun Day.  Can't wait until we can head back to the spray park though!

5) Kyan informed me over the weekend that his PawPaw Bill (my dad) eats ice cream in Heaven with Michael Jackson*.  He also told me that Gigi (my mom) "used to be a zombie when she was eight-years-old" and asked me to ready him a "Dr. Susie" book.  Also, he's going to get tattoos when he's 90.  Just so ya know.

* My kids are OBSESSED with Michael Jackson! 
6) I watched the movie Something Borrowed for the first time the other day.  Skip to #7 if you don't want any spoilers about this movie/ book.  I HATED the  movie!  I mean, I liked it that it was funny and chick flick-ish and all that.  But I hated, hated, hated the "message" to the whole thing.  Basically, everybody cheats and it all ends up okay.  Say it with me, ya'll: WHAT THE EFF? 

I'm still TOTALLY gonna read the book.

7) I checked the stats on my blog the other day and noticed that "Pinterest" was one of the referring sites.  OMG, ya'll!  Somebody pinned something of mine and the pin was followed to my blog!  Happiest moment of my life.  (Last sentence was total sarcasm.  Well, mostly.  Mostly total?)

It's always interesting to see the top phrases people Google to find me.  It's usually several of the 16 & Pregnant couples (Izabella and Jairo are the most popular one).  But I've also been found by "men in kilts will kick your ass," "redneck ladies" (please GOD do not let that be someone looking for redneck p*rn because that's kind of what it sounds like to me), and "epic birthday cake."

8) I made this potato salad to go with dinner last night.  I LOVE potato salad.  Actually, I love potato anything.  #TeamCarbs  Potato salad is probably my favorite summertime food (except for anything grilled.  And, okay, strawberry shortcake.  Ice cream.  Fresh blueberries.  Mike's Hard Cranberry.  Snow Cones.  Mojitos).  Anyway, this recipe?  It was the shit!  It was so good and the calories were so low!  The only thing I did differently was substitute dill relish for the sweet.  And next time I probably won't use celery since I'm not really a fan.  But I WILL be making this WEEKLY this summer.

9) Things that suck: the school district here isn't doing an early registration for kindergarten this year.  *Screams*  Registration isn't until the very end of July.  Seriously?  Seriously, seriously?  School starts August 6th!  Not only that, but he has to have a "certified" state of Tennessee shot record.  What the?  He was born in Arkansas so his shot record is from, oh yeah, ARKANSAS.  I'm already just frustrated.  Partly because it feels like there's so much that goes into enrolling a kid in school (check ups and certified this and that and two forms of ID and blah, blah, kissmyassDr.KrinerKash).  And partly because registration is the same week I was planning on visiting my friend Dahlia in Connecticut.  Thank you, MCS, for taking a dump on my summer.

10) My mom sent me this the other day.  Love!

I Didn't Wear a White Dress

Four years ago today, Good Friday 2008, I heaved my sore, swollen (we'd gone to Six Flags the day before and my cankles had become thankles), and very pregnant body out of bed.  Then I went into the kitchen and burned my hand preparing breakfast for six.

Later that afternoon, I went to White Rock State Park in Dallas and . . . got married!

Yep, you read that right.  I fixed breakfast on my wedding day!  Who DOES that?  I mean, could one of the other four adults in the house not pitched in and scrabled some eggs or something?  Geez.  The things I do for these people!

That day wasn't perfect. Hello!  I'm still sporting a very faint scar from that gnarly burn.  Zhariah had a stank attitude after her daddy forced her to wear an Easter bonnet.  Jaidan, then just 17 months old, kept sticking his hand up my dress.  Eddie's back was hurting.  I was eleven million months pregnant, bigger than ever, and extremely uncomfortable.  But, at the time, it was exactly what I wanted.  Less than ten people.  No white dress.  Nothing traditional. 

Four years!

Sometimes it feels like four months.  Sometimes it feels like forty years.

And sometimes I miss that I didn't do the white dress.  That I wasn't the center of attention for one day.  That I didn't smash a piece of wedding cake into the face of my beloved.  That I wasn't skinny (and, well, not knocked up) for my wedding. 

But I probably wouldn't go back in time and change anything.

Especially not the guy I married.

For better or worse, for good times and annoying times and times when I want to take a frying pan to his head . . . I'm happier today than I was the day I married him.

Most of the time anyway.  ;)

We went out for our anniversary Saturday night.  And when I say we went out I mean

a) without kids
and
b) not to Walmart

Awesome!

We started with dinner at Rendezvous (I'll save you my usual spill) then we headed to Beale Street.  We were sidetracked, however, by what we thought was a street festival.  We paid $5 to get in . . . only to realize it was actually a club that had roped off a section of the street and hired a band to play live (Irish) music.  Does that sound fun?  Because it totally wasn't. 

We left and did head to Beale Street . . . and to Walk Me Downs!  (If I ever write a Memphis Travel Guide it will include three things: Rendezvous, Beale Street, and a Walk Me Down in a guitar-shaped cup.  Who needs Graceland when you can have 40 ounces of bright blue goodness with a shot of 151 for just $2 more?)

I'm so glad we went to Beale.  It reminded me of Bourbon Street that night.  I felt like I had come home.  To the Mothership.   

We had such a great time!  We have three small children and a babysitter who needed to leave by midnight so we didn't get to stay near as long as we'd have liked.

Great anniversary night.

Pretty darn good four years.  (And we've added two kids in those four years!)

What more could we ask for?

Here's to four (and forty!  And forty four!) more!

Me and Matt Damon

It should come as no surprise that someone who held onto a paper rose from a horny jeweler for nearly ten years has also held onto . . . some papers she wrote in high school!

Hoarder, say whaaaa?

Doood.  I was so excited when I found these.  SO EXCITED.  Most of them were overwritten and heavy on use of the thesaurus.  There was one about my favorite Christmas memory (something lame and that I'm pretty sure I made up), one about my excitement over being accepted to Baylor, one I wrote for Red Ribbon Week back in 1996 that won me a Best Essay award of some sort.  And, oh yeah, one I wrote during my senior year titled "Ten Years From Now . . . "

Mothertruckin' SCORE! 

It was written letter style to a friend about our ten year reunion (note: totally did not go to my ten year reunion since they held it approxomately three weeks after I had Kyan.  Who goes to their reunion when they're still carrying eleven million pounds of baby weight?  Also, some asshole sent in an OHMYGAWWWW horrible picture of me for the slideshow.  If I find out who did that before our next reunion . . . ).  Anyway, I wrote about what everyone in our circle of friends was up to.  Threw in something to make my Arch Enemy sound like trailer trash.  And ended with the fact that I was rehearsing for my latest Broadway play (I can neither sing nor dance.  Never could).  And, oh yeah, I was married to Matt Damon!

In my defense, this was written in 1998 back when Matt was busy BFF'ing with Ben and winning Oscars and asking "how do you like THEM apples?"

{Via}

He was NOT married with 14 little girls, making movies about zoo animals, and looking a little worse for the wear.  Besides, I'm pretty sure it wasn't so much Matt Damon that I had the crush on as it was Will Hunting.  Or possibly Rudy Baylor (life long Grisham fan). 

It's not very common that average looking Arkansas country girls find themselves so much as even mingling with movie stars and I (obviously)  never married Matt D.  In fact, the closest I've been to him is a trip to Hollywood where I might have breathed some of the same smoggy air he breathed once upon a time. 

The point: I'm not starring or even appearing on or even living anywhere close to Broadway.  And I'm not married to Matt Damon (and while that's probably for the best because value my privacy and even if I had Matt's gazillion dollars I would still bargain shop and then US Weekly would be all up in grill and all "Matt Damon's wife is just like one of us!  Here she is browsing the clearance racks at Target!" and then all the Hollywood elite would shun me [except Reese and Brit  cause we would totes be BFF'd up] but all of regular American would love me.  And I'd never be able to eat greasy bacon cheeseburgers again because I'm pretty sure Matt Damon's wife is not allowed to be anything larger than a size negative two.  Also, he's a Red Sox fan.  This marriage idea was doomed from the start).  I haven't done ANYTHING I said I was going to do!  I'm such a failure.  This is probably why you should aim low, boys and girls.  No sense being an overachiever.  It just sets you up for disappointment.

I also happened upon this:

It's my senior book!  Inside it was the senior edition of our school newspaper.  Which just so happened to contain the following snippets from Yours Truly:

Attended Baylor - check.  I'm not sure that Political Science Education is even a real major and I'm pretty sure that means someone made something up when it was time to fill that out (note: totally majored in journalism.  Well, for like half a semester).  Like Kanye, I am a college drop out so the career thing is a no-go.  But I did good on getting married and and great on getting knocked up!  Go me!

Honestly, I'm more interested in remembering why exactly Mr. Lucas kicked us out of the cafeteria . . .

P.S. I promise - swear it! - these "way back when" entries will conclude when I've finished organizing closets and finding old treasures.  Also, I'll leave you with this -- it's what I like to call No wonder I never really dated in high school:

It Happened This Week

I'm going to go ahead and chalk up this past week as the best we've had in 2012 so far.  The weather was (mostly) great.  The kids and I spent 90% of our time outside.  Eddie and I were able to have our first date night in ages (the last one included Christmas shopping if that gives you any kind of idea).  I scored some bargains at a yard sale yesterday (Ralph Lauren dress WITH TAGS and a coat for my nephew -- also WITH TAGS -- for $4 each).  Ahhhh.  I love yard sale season.   And 80 degree days.  And this cute little lunch I made for St. Patty's yesterday:

Seriously.  Is that not some adorableness?  It was all pretty much ideas hijacked from the internet but I was just ridiculously in love with how it turned out.

Anyway.  Pictures from the week.  Once again, I didn't pick up my camera much.  In fact, I didn't pick it up at all until last night!  7/8 of these are phone pics.  I will get better about the camera one of these days -- either that or I'll finally convince Eddie to get me a Big Girl Camera and just use my phone in place of a point and shoot . . .

Sunday 3/11:

Random: we bought this hat the day Michael Jackson died.  HOW do I remember things like that?  We were some souviner shop in Florida and Jaidan HAD to have the hat.  HAD to. 

Monday 3/12:

Tuesday 3/13:

Wednesday 3/14:

Thursday 3/15:

Friday 3/16:

Saturday 3/17:

Back Then

Yesterday I wrote about:

a) the fabulous weather we've been having
b) getting my first sunburn of the season, a burn that had already faded, and the fact that I probably wouldn't burn the remainder of the year
c) my excitement over DATE NIGHT with my hubs

Twenty four hours later and:

a) it's pouring down rain.  POURING.  And thundering and lightening and there's, like, an 80 billion percent chance of this continuing the rest of the day.  AND my  husband didn't drag the trash to the curb this morning which means Imma have to do it at some point.  In the rain.  And thunder.  And lightening.  That has, like, an 80 billion percent chance of continuing the rest of the day
b) I got burned AGAIN yesterday.  It was SO PINK too!  This morning it's mostly faded but still.  Is this a sign that I'm getting old? 
c) I realized that a DATE NIGHT that falls on St. Patrick's Day means every place is going to be way crowded with drunk people including chicks who are like 0.034% Irish and wearing shirts that say "Everyone Loves an Irish Girl" and "Kiss Me!  I'm Irish!"  Also, my wardrobe choices will be decided by leprechauns. 

Anyway.

A few weeks ago I was asked to post some pictures of me at my heaviest.  I've been putting it off and putting it off.  Because . . . well, I'm not 100% sure why.  To be honest, I'm not really embarrassed by these pictures.  It's who I was.  I don't look at the pictures and think, "that's disgusting" the way I've seen some people talk about their "fat" pictures.  It mostly just makes me proud that I took control of my weight and my  health.

Before I even post one single picture just let me say this: early last year, I joined a weight loss group on Facebook.  I needed to knock off my holiday pounds (I do a good job of maintaining my weight but I refuse to not enjoy the holidays to the fullest!  I've written about that before) and thought the group would be good inspiration.  And it totally was!  But, at first, I almost left the group.  Why?  Because people were posting things like, "I feel chubby at anything over 120" and "I'm really at my best at around 130."  Ya'll.  I have never in my life weighed 120!  Or even 130!  Okay, okay -- maybe in junior high.  It was hard for me to realize I was in a group with people who had a starting weight that was my goal weight.  But you know what?  When it comes to weight, it's all relative.  A number on the scale that looks good on one person might be too thin on another person -- and vice versa.  Of course, you can get too extreme on one end or the other.  But it's really about what feels good ON you and TO you.  That's the weight that matters.

The '05 picture is so HORRIBLE.  OMG.  What the wha wha was I DOING?  This was the only picture that was even close to "full body" that I could find. 

Check it out!  I've been doing The Drink Picture since [at least] 2005!

Oh, look!  Found another full body picture:

To be honest, I would LOVE to have those boobs back!  But I can't stand how full my face gets when I pick up weight.

Hell-o, Boobage!

2005 was such a rought year for me!  I moved back to Arkansas.  I left a job I loved for what I could find.  I ended up in a job where I not only sat on my butt most of the day but was also extremely stressful -- leading me to run to the Sonic next door almost daily.  I wasn't exercising much.  I have always been an emotional eater and that was a very emotional year.  I gained around 35 pounds just in 2005!  For comparison purposes, here I am in 2004:

It's really scary how fast I packed that weight on!

I think one blessing of becoming a parent is that I realized I had to take control of my health.  I owe it to my children to BE HERE for them.  Believe me, I was not healthy when I larger.  My blood pressure was too high.  I have a family history of Type II diabetes and heart disease -- both things that carrying extra weight doesn't help with!  My children also deserve a mom who sets a healthy example.  I hope I can teach them to make wise choices, indulge every once in a while, STAY ACTIVE, and just be all around healthy people.  Most of all, I want them to be happy with who they are -- regardless of whether they weigh 130 pounds or 230 pounds.  As long as they are happy and healthy, that's what matters.  And having a positive self image about ME and MY BODY even though I know I'll never be 130 . . . that's the best way I can teach them that.

Just for fun -- here's one (I think) I've showed before.  This was when I was pregnant with Kyan, one month after he was born, and when he was eight months old.  I lost almost 75 pounds within this time frame!

P.S. I love, love, love to talk to people about weight loss and offer hints and tips.  Really.  I sort of wish I had done Weight Watchers the "right" way (i.e. going to the meetings and everything instead of just using stuff I found on the Internet) so that I could be a leader now.  I guess I just . . . I feel so great (physically, mentally, and emotionally) right now compared to the place I was in before and I want other people to feel that too!  Anyway, if you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment or even shoot me an email (via the contact tab).

Thursday Things

1) Back when I was in high school (or maybe even college), I was in the kitchen helping my grandmother with dinner.  She rattled off everything she planned to fix and I volunteered to make the biscuits.  I asked, "So, where's the can?"  I thought she was going to beat me!  Yeah, her idea of fixing biscuits was not to pop open a can, put 'em on a pan, and then shove them in the oven.  To this day, I'm more likely to either take the easy way (i.e. opening a can or something previously frozen) or just not deal with bread at all.  The other night, however, I made 7 Up biscuits to go with our dinner.  They didn't taste like Popeye's or KFC biscuits but they were still pretty darn tasty.  Definitely one to make again.

2) I know I talk about the HORRORS of four-year-olds quite a bit.  And, believe me, four year olds are the stuff horrors are made of.  But it's also a really cute, really loving age.  Kyan is just a little less than two months away from his fourth birthday.  That stank attitude is present and accounted for.  He's developed this pesky little habit of not telling the truth (Ugh!  I hate that one!  Lying is sooooo disrespectful and I'm trying so hard to nip it in the bud).  He's telling our business to anyone and everyone.  The other day, on our walk, he told some random woman how much I weigh!  Suffice to say, that child is not allowed anywhere near when I step on the scale from now on.

So, he has all of that rotten-ness make up the fours.  But he's also ... funny.  I bought a box of Lucky Charms when I went grocery shopping (St. Patrick's Day, yo!) and he calls them "Monkey Cheers."  And he's just so so so so so so so loving these days.  He says, "Hey, Mommy, I need to tell you something.  I love you!"  He wants hugs and kisses roughly 34939383838529384923 times a day.  I'm trying to soak it all up and bottle it for when he's a teenager and only grunts at me.

3) Our weather has been BLISSFULL.  Perfect Spring Break weather!  Remember the football field behind my house?  The one I bitched and moaned about when they were building?  It turns out, it's the perfect place for little bits to run off some energy and for Mama to get some exercise.  We walk over there with a football or soccer ball and the kids play while I walk around the field a few times. 

FYI: When I was in Dallas back in September, I might or might not have flirted pretty outrageously with a waiter who turned out to be underage.  Hence the "I love High School Boys" shirt I sported in New Orleans.  Some of my girlfriends think it's funny that I walk around a middle school football field.  I assure you I had no alterior motives!  It was all for the exercise!  And, besides, I waited until the soccer team had finished their practice to go over there.  Swear it.

I also got my first (and hopefully only) sunburn of the year yesterday.  Thanks to my Chickasaw (Choctaw? I need to brush up on the family history) ancestors, after my initial burn (which is already gone this morning!) I usually just tan.  Of course, now that I've said that everything will change and I'll end up a lovely shade of lobster all summer long.

4) I feel like I've tried just about every "diet" trick in the boox -- except one.  I'd never before made boxed brownies by substituting apple sauce for the oil.  Wellll . . . I did this week.  And I'd say they were a hit -- I caught Karis dragging her chair over to the counter so she could climb and reach them!  The apple sauce did change the texture just a little bit but they were really good.  And only about 100 calories each.  Yum!  Later this week?  Imma conquer some 100-calorie cake balls.

5) Eddie and I actually have a babysitter for the weekend!  We're going to get to celebrate our anniversary (next Wednesday) and WE GET TO GO OUT WITHOUT ANY CHILDREN.  This is major, ya'll.  We had planned to go to Texas de Brazil.  That's our place!  And they usually send a coupon for buy one meal, get one free on an anniversary.  Wellll.  We got the coupon this year and it's only for a free champagne toast or free dessert.  Boo.  I feel like an asshole for being irritated about it.  I mean, how many restaurants give a meal for free for an anniversary?  But I am irritated.  I wanted that free meal!

6) Can we all please hold hands and pray that Peyton Manning will sign with the Titans?  Then can we once again hold hands and pray that I can find a babysitter for a weekend that Eddie is off work so that he and I can go to Nashville and watch a game?  Kthanks.

7) Kyan informed me the other day that this is his "favorite song ever:"

Hahahahahahaha.

8) Today is the first day I've felt "normal" (and not turned off my "get yo' ass up and work out alarm) since the time change.  It's not quite 9:00 and we've already eaten breakfast!  This is huge considering on Monday it was nearly 10:00 before we even started eating.  Why can't it just stay Daylight Savings all year?  Most of us would rather have the daylight in the evenings anyway.  And that way, every parent of small children wouldn't have to yell, "this time change can suck it!" twice a year.
9) My baby - MY BABY - will be TWO just three weeks from today.  My baby!  She now says "tank you" instead of "shay-shoo" and "waffles" instead of "fwa-fwas" and she calls Jaidan by his name instead of just "Buuuuub-ba."  She wears my shoes all around the house and picks out clothes she wants to wear and goes to the pantry and grabs out of it whatever she wants to snack on.  She's . . . OMG, I can't believe I'm gonna SAY this . . . a little girl.  
10) I am really missing Pinterest.  I am.  Just a little over three weeks and I'll be back, baby!  But this -- this made me LOL.  IT IS SO ME.