So two weeks ago I had a baby.
And now, all the sudden, he's five (and a half!) and he watches "big kid" television shows and he can play outside without me being right on top of him making sure grass and pebbles don't make their way into his mouth and he insists on taking showers instead of baths and his favorite songs are not "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Row Row Row Your Boat" but rather things that are sung by Carly Rae Jepsen and Maroon 5 and Katy Perry.
And yesterday. Yesterday! We got his last round of booster shots (not a whimper out of him -- he's a rockstar!) and registered him for kindergarten.
Where did this little baby gooooooo?
I'll be completely honest. Earlier in the year, when all my friends were regisetering their children for kindergarten (we had way, way late registration - in my opinion) and were all boo hoo'ing over their babies growing up, their '06 and '07 assholes starting school, all I could think of was "GET OVER IT." Because, ya'll, I couldn't wait. Having three children home with you all day, every day tends to do this little thing called SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU. Sure, there were times - back in the spring when everyone else was registering - that I would think, "I can't believe my baby is already going to school." But the emotionalness (word?) was totally tempered by the fact that I was going to have one less kid in the house eight hours a day, five days a week.
But yesterday it just hit me.
My kid is going to school.
Yeah, it's only kindergarten. And, yeah, this is only one little step in a long journey. But he is going to school and he is my baby and regardless of anything I said in the past about how I was going to save up all the emotion for when Karis, my final baby, began her school career, I AM EMOTIONAL. And I'm not apologetic about it. He's my baby! How is that the past five years, ten months, and nine days have been the fastest years ever, of all time? How is that the roly-poly fattest, happiest toddler ever is already going to kindergarten? It's not right.
Along with my emotion over him starting school, there are a whole bunch of fears. A whole bunch. And they're probably irrational but, again, I'll stand by my tag line for this post: HE IS MY BABY.
What if some kid in his class teaches him the "f" word?
What if his teacher insists on nap time and he gets in trouble because he can't be still for the 45 minutes they're supposed to lay on their towel and stare at the ceiling?
What if he gets bored during nap time and puts a tiny piece of yellow crayon in his ear (his mother totes did not do that back in 1985, for the record)?
What if he doesn't make any friends?
What if he's the most popular kid in kindergarten and that turns him into a mini-douchebag?
What if he's the tallest kid in his class and everyone makes fun of him?
How is he going to feel the first time he realizes that everyone in the world is not good and kind and that there are people who don't like him just because?
Am I going to want to punch a first grader in the face for saying something mean to him on the playground?
What if he is sick and misses his first ever field trip (sorta like his mom . . . for, like, every field trip until the fifth grade)?
What if his teacher is an asshole and he ends up hating school forever?
Somebody hold ME, my kid is starting kindergarten!
I have a feeling I'll look back on this post in a few months, when his first year of kindergarten is down, and I'll laugh and how silly I'm being and what a spectacle I'm making over starting school. But, for right now, it's a big deal. A Big Fat Deal. HE IS MY BABY. He's growing up and taking those first few steps that will eventually lead to him leaving my nest for good.
Today we registered. Next Thursday is his first day (sort of) where he'll do testing and meet all the kindergarten teachers and tour the classrooms. Monday the 13th, I'll walk him to school and leave him with his teacher and he'll officially be a kindergartener.
And I'll probably cry the whole walk home.
