Me and Matt Damon


It should come as no surprise that someone who held onto a paper rose from a horny jeweler for nearly ten years has also held onto . . . some papers she wrote in high school!

Hoarder, say whaaaa?

Doood.  I was so excited when I found these.  SO EXCITED.  Most of them were overwritten and heavy on use of the thesaurus.  There was one about my favorite Christmas memory (something lame and that I'm pretty sure I made up), one about my excitement over being accepted to Baylor, one I wrote for Red Ribbon Week back in 1996 that won me a Best Essay award of some sort.  And, oh yeah, one I wrote during my senior year titled "Ten Years From Now . . . "

Mothertruckin' SCORE! 

It was written letter style to a friend about our ten year reunion (note: totally did not go to my ten year reunion since they held it approxomately three weeks after I had Kyan.  Who goes to their reunion when they're still carrying eleven million pounds of baby weight?  Also, some asshole sent in an OHMYGAWWWW horrible picture of me for the slideshow.  If I find out who did that before our next reunion . . . ).  Anyway, I wrote about what everyone in our circle of friends was up to.  Threw in something to make my Arch Enemy sound like trailer trash.  And ended with the fact that I was rehearsing for my latest Broadway play (I can neither sing nor dance.  Never could).  And, oh yeah, I was married to Matt Damon!

In my defense, this was written in 1998 back when Matt was busy BFF'ing with Ben and winning Oscars and asking "how do you like THEM apples?"

He was NOT married with 14 little girls, making movies about zoo animals, and looking a little worse for the wear.  Besides, I'm pretty sure it wasn't so much Matt Damon that I had the crush on as it was Will Hunting.  Or possibly Rudy Baylor (life long Grisham fan). 

It's not very common that average looking Arkansas country girls find themselves so much as even mingling with movie stars and I (obviously)  never married Matt D.  In fact, the closest I've been to him is a trip to Hollywood where I might have breathed some of the same smoggy air he breathed once upon a time. 

The point: I'm not starring or even appearing on or even living anywhere close to Broadway.  And I'm not married to Matt Damon (and while that's probably for the best because value my privacy and even if I had Matt's gazillion dollars I would still bargain shop and then US Weekly would be all up in grill and all "Matt Damon's wife is just like one of us!  Here she is browsing the clearance racks at Target!" and then all the Hollywood elite would shun me [except Reese and Brit  cause we would totes be BFF'd up] but all of regular American would love me.  And I'd never be able to eat greasy bacon cheeseburgers again because I'm pretty sure Matt Damon's wife is not allowed to be anything larger than a size negative two.  Also, he's a Red Sox fan.  This marriage idea was doomed from the start).  I haven't done ANYTHING I said I was going to do!  I'm such a failure.  This is probably why you should aim low, boys and girls.  No sense being an overachiever.  It just sets you up for disappointment.

I also happened upon this:

It's my senior book!  Inside it was the senior edition of our school newspaper.  Which just so happened to contain the following snippets from Yours Truly:

Attended Baylor - check.  I'm not sure that Political Science Education is even a real major and I'm pretty sure that means someone made something up when it was time to fill that out (note: totally majored in journalism.  Well, for like half a semester).  Like Kanye, I am a college drop out so the career thing is a no-go.  But I did good on getting married and and great on getting knocked up!  Go me!

Honestly, I'm more interested in remembering why exactly Mr. Lucas kicked us out of the cafeteria . . .

P.S. I promise - swear it! - these "way back when" entries will conclude when I've finished organizing closets and finding old treasures.  Also, I'll leave you with this -- it's what I like to call No wonder I never really dated in high school:

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