There Will Be No "Easy" in the Big Easy This Time Around

When we were initially booking this cruise, it was pretty much a given that we'd port of New Orleans.  The proximity to Memphis was obviously the biggest draw.  I also have friends in the area.  And, hello, it's only my FAVORITE CITY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.  And the food there?  OMG, ya'll.  Oh.Em.Gee. 

The other day, though, I told my girlfriends that as excited as I was about the trip and hitting up NOLA again, I kinda wish I was going with them rather than the husband.  Yeah.  I KNOW.  #badwife.  I get it.  The thing is -- I feel like New Orleans is for my girlfriends.  Eddie and I have never been there together and it just feels a little . . . I dunno, weird?  I'm going with someone who would be mortified if I wore a tutu on Bourbon Street and also wouldn't so much appreciate taking pictures of me with random dudes and would be all, "what're you DOING?" if I held hands with the cab driver and skipped down the street.  Please don't misunderstand: my husband is fun.  He's just not girly fun.  Which is probably why I married him.  But I digress.  The man doesn't even like oysters, ya'll!  Me, him, and New Orleans?  There might be a problem.

Let me give you a little example.  Saturday night he asked me to check and see what places had specials for Veteran's Day.  I read a few off to him and then told him O'Charley's had one but it was Monday only.  So, we really like O'Charley's.  O'Charley's is cool for a Friday afternoon in Memphis when you want to eat somewhere two miles from your house. 

Him: "O'Charley's?  I can just pick up something there in New Orleans.  Before we get on the boat."
Me (mortified): "WHAT?  You cannot eat O'Charley's in New Orleans!  You eat NEW ORLEANS in New Orleans.  Oh my gosh. I cannot even BELIEVE you right now."  (No, matter of fact, I'm NOT a drama queen but thanks for asking).
Him: "Heh?  It's free food!  I'm saving money."
Me: "You're saving TEN DOLLARS.  Ten!  And at what cost?"

All I can say is this: the New Orleans portion of our trip is going to be pretty interesting if I'm all "muffaletta!" and "po' boy!" and "alligator sausage!" and "oysters rockafeller!" and he's all "chicken tenders!"

And, just for fun, I'll leave you with a favorite from my NOLA 2012: Girlfriends Edition trip:

NOLA 2012: The MEN of NEW ORLEANS

After I posted about the "men of Vegas" in my Vegas 2011 recaps, I got an email from someone asking what my husband thought of all the pictures with different men.

Wait, what?  I'm supposed to show my husband those pictures?

I kid!

He sees all my pictures (actually I text him pics the whole entire time I'm away and am known to get my feelings hurt if he doesn't respond with something along the lines of "lookin' good baby)."  He knows that everything is done in good fun.  And he also knows he married a flirt (he's a big flirt too -- our children have no chance).  He honestly doesn't care.  He trusts me and, like I said, he knows that everything is just done is fun.  As long as everyone is (mostly) fully clothed then he's cool.

Now, with that out of the way . . . The Men of New Orleans 2012!

It will take too long as to go into the why (and it would probably bore you if you weren't there even though all of us thought it was one of the FUNNIEST THINGS EVER!!!!!) but every many we met was named Bruce.  We generally became acquainted by yelling, "BRUCE!??!"

Yeah.  Had to be there.

Say "hi" to Bruce:

Starting from the top:

The Bruce who was our waiter at Mother's

The Bruce who made our first slushy drinks of the weekend

The Bruce Stella* wanted to stuff in her suitcase and take home with her

The Bruce who took a drink from Becky's drink without asking (aka The Disgusting Bruce).  Also, after he did this she wiped her straw on MY sleeve.  Thanks Bex.

The Bruce who shared his beer

The Bruce with The Dimple

The Bruce who was NOT a Bruce.  His name was Malcolm (so yelled at us by the lady who was with him) and he was the one man band who led us to Bourbon Street

The Bruce I don't remember

The Bruce who was friends with the Kenny Chesney look-a-like who got his abs licked (you'll see him in a minute).



* Like Blanca was my alter ego for the weekend, Stella was someone else's alter ego.  And she was a bad mammajamma.

I have a really bad habit, when I'm in SEC country, of forcing requesting people call the Hogs with me.  This trip was no exception.  (I'm sorry, Jenn B., please forgive me).

Doesn't he look like Kenny Chesney?  Just a little bit?

Okay, maybe it was the slushy drink talking.

Here we have:

Jersey Shore -- he and his friend threw down $250 on shots for us.  And then didn't really try to get in anyone's pants!  Also, ab licking was pretty popular that particular night . . .

Oooh, a familiar face!

When I asked these two if they were going to ride the bull, one of them responded with a rather crude remark about what he was going to ride that night.

I have no idea who that guy is.

I have no idea who that guy  is.

I insisted this guy take a picture with me.  I tried to take it first but one of the pitfalls of being un-tall is that it's really hard to take a picture of yourself with a tall person.  Luckily, chivalry isn't too dead and he offered to take the picture.

Last year we found a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle . . . this year -- a gladiator!  I love New Orleans!

There was a fairly lengthy conversation about football with these two.

Joshua, the cab driver who became my BFF

We met this next group as Becky and I were walking down Bourbon Street Saturday night.  I'm pretty sure I told the dark haired one that I thought he was "adorable" and it went from there . . .

They Tebow'd and Brady'd for us

I'm still not sure whether to be amazed or grossed out that Homeboy sat down on Bourbon Street.  Eww.

We made friends with Scott at the bar at Pat O'Brien's.  He's from Corpus Christi, Texas, and HANDS DOWN was the nicest guy we met the whole weekend.  (Probably helps that he was there with his wife!)

More from Pat O's . . .

Calling the Hogs with an LSU fan (sorry again, Jenn!)

The bartender -- he took away my Hurricane glass before I had a chance to eat the cherry.  When I said something about it, he sat a napkin in front of me FULL of cherries and orange slices.  Good bartender.

Bachelor party

Aaaaand bachelor party

70's Porn Mustache guy who was all too happy to make out with Becky

I can't believe she's still speaking to me . . . .

This is Fetus and Zygote.  They were both born in the 90's -- hence the nicknames.

They were also both Marines and I swear I amazed them when I told them my husband served in the first Gulf War.  "Like, your husband is old enough to be my dad?"

Now Zygote -- he could give lessons on what NOT to say if you're aiming to be Cougar Bait.  (And, please, I'm only 31.  I AM NOT A COUGAR).  This one, though, first off tells me:

"I've been with married women before.  I don't mind it."

Oh!  How very noble of you.  Let me drop my panties right here in the bar!

"I've been with older women."

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.  I am NOT an older woman!  Gah!  Kill me!  Now!

Kira wanted to go salsa dancing after dinner Sunday night and I went with her.  By the time we got the salsa place, it was closing down (this did not stop me from getting an impromptu lesson, by the way).  But we still spent quite a bit of time there talking to everybody.

Giovani, professional salsa dancer

Owner of the bar

The guy who followed us around most of the rest of the night because he wanted a little bitta Blanca

The hottie bartender

We ran into our bartender from Friday night at Bourbon Cowboy a couple nights later.  He had freakishly small eyebrows.

With the exception of Giovani the Salsa Dancer, I have no idea who any of these dudes are.  Blanca and her damn tequila . . . erased my memory . . .

^ Yeah, ditto all of that.  No idea on this guy.

Calling the Hogs AGAIN.

Mr. Modesty

The guy I'm standing next to - his name is Sean - drew a map for Becky and I to get to House of Blues Saturday night.  When I saw him again, I demanded a picture.

This is Alan -- he is a local and owns condos in the area.  I'm pretty sure he would be glad to rent to us at a discount rate if we signed a release for the cameras and all . . .

Mari's friend Joe -- for whatever reason (*ahem* tequila) we thought he looked SO MUCH like our friend Vanessa.  He does not.

I'm embarrased to even have included this last picture -- mainly because I'm standing way too close to Dude.  But.  He had a tatoo of a COBWEB on his EAR.  Who does that?

NOLA 2012: FOOD

Warning: do not look at this entry if you are on a diet.

Hands down, the best thing about New Orleans is the FOOD.  The second best is, of course, the slushy drinks.  But the food . . . oh.  Come.to.Mama.

Our first New Orleans Mouthgasm came courtesy of Mother's.

Becky and I split a John G with debris and a side of fries.

HEAVENLY.  It was so good, ya'll!  I wish I could find a sammich like that here in Memphis!  On second thought, maybe I don't.  Cause I'd be as big as a house.

Saturday's First Food Stop was Frank's.  I've said this before; I'll say it again.  You MUST go to Frank's if you're ever in New Orleans.

The four of us split a muffaletta (best muffaletta ever!), crawfish cakes in crawfish sauce, crab stuffed mushrooms, and a shrimp po' boy).  DELISH!  It was an absolutely wonderful meal.

Seriously, I'm salivating at my keyboard just THINKING about that muffaletta.  Mmmm.

My friend Casey did not make it to New Orleans with us this year.  But she did go last year and she did eat at Frank's with us.  And Casey, bless her heart, she got down and dirty with the po' boy she had.  Of course, someone had to reenact her love makin' with the po' boy:

Since we didn't eat too much *ahem* at Frank's, we headed over to the Market where we purchased an alligator sausage (on a stick!)  and some oysters creole from vendors. 

We knew the alligator sausage was good.  Ate enough of that last year.  The oysters were something new and only picked up because they were all out of soups -- including the crawfish bisque we'd been dreaming about for the past year.  Buuuuut.  The oysters were fanTAStic.  So good!

A little later in the afternoon, we headed down to the Old Nawlins Cookery (no website I could find for that one). 

Becky and I split a fried alligator po' boy (pictured above is just MY half!).  It was really good -- the meat was delicious and it had a yummy sauce on it.  However, it didn't hold a candle to the catfish etouffee that MoMo ordered.  Ummmagumma.  GET IN MY BELL-LAY. 

Technically that was my last meal of Saturday but before I went to bed that night I had a BBQ Bacon Burger from Yo Mama's.  (I also had a bite of Carly's Bacon PEANUT BUTTER burger -- interesting).  The burger was good.  It was too big to finish by myself.  They don't serve burgers with fries -- just baked potatoes.  I love a baked potato as much as the next person but come on.  A good greasy burger BEGS for good greasy fries.

For the life of me, I cannot remember the name of the place we ate at Sunday morning!  I think it had River in the name but don't quote me on that. 

I had a ragin' Cajun omelet.  The omelet in itself was pretty good but the "creole sauce" on top . . . meh.  It tasted like salsa mixed with marinara.  Not what I was expecting in the least.  It was served with grits.  I'm a bad southerner who doesn't like grits so these went untouched but I did throwdown on the garlic potatoes Kira ordered.  This was easily the worst meal we ate the whole trip -- and it was still decent!

We drank our lunch on Sunday and that evening it was Pat O's for one of my personal New Orleans favorites . . .

Fried Alligator!

By the way: Jaidan is snuggled up in bed next to me as I write this and said, "Oh, that looks good!  Can you make some for dinner tomorrow night!"

I told him it was alligator thinking that, you know, maybe he would "eww" and drop the subject.  I forgot this is the kid who has eaten calamari and oysters.  When that didn't deter him I told him we didn't have the meat to make it.

"Think maybe you can pick some up the next time you go to the grocery store?"

Uhhh.  Sure, son.  I'm sure every local Kroger and Walmart here in Memphis sells alligator!

Dana ordered us a little bit of bread pudding while at Pat O's.

I swear I can still taste this stuff in my dreams!

That concludes the food tour portion of this year's trip.  Here's hoping next year tastes just as delicious!

NOLA 2012: The Digs

Quickly, totally unrelated to the post, but I don't want to forget: yesterday afternoon I opened my computer while Karis sat right beside me.  This isn't something I do on the regular because she's known to pull off keys.  Turd.  Anyhow, the picture on my desktop is one of her with her brothers.  She let out a happy squeal when she saw it.  I asked her who each of the boys were, "At's Jaidan!"  "At's Ty Ty!"  Then I pointed to her and asked her who that was.  "At's Tare Bear!"  Awww.  She's never called herself by any name before ever.  It was one of those moments that no one in the world will think was as sweet as I thought it was.  It reminded me of when Jaidan used to think his name was "Day-Bud" because we called him Jaybird all.the.time. 

On with The Digs:

Our home-away-from-home for NOLA Weekend 2012 was a four bedroom apartment on top of what is being converted into a coffee shop.  The apartment was gorgeous and spacious and fit all 11 of us just perfectly.

Also, it was on Burgundy Street.  That's BurGUNdy.  Not Burgandy.  Burgandy is what you drink.  BurGUNdy is where you stay.

I slept (two out of the three nights) in the Marilyn room. 

Also, this is -- apparently -- my sexy look.  I feel sorry for my husband.

There was also an Audrey room in the house.  When faced with the choice between sleeping with Audry and sleeping with Marilyn, I had to go with Marilyn.  She was the bigger girl.  And I have a feeling she was more of the filthy girl as well.  ;)

Check out this cute little bathroom!

I want it in my house!

A blurry look at the kitchen.  How adorable is that old fashioned stove?

The dining area

One of those chairs gave me a splinter in my butt approxomately eight minutes after we arrived at the house.  The ower's son had been at the house to greet us when we arrived.  He was *fans self* and told us to call if we needed any assistance.  It took a great deal of debate as to whether or not spliter removal was included under that assitance.

A peek into one of the other bedrooms (this one also had an attached bathroom)

Cute little Dahlia on our cute little balcony.  Our balcony that kinda scared me because it sloped downwards.

All in all, we loved this house!  We loved where we stayed last year as well but this one was just a wee bit closer to the Quarter.  Good thing, too, since we walked a majority of the time!

NOLA 2012: Sunday

Believe it or not, Sunday rolled around and I was still HANGOVER FREE.  As someone who doesn't drink on the regular, this is a pretty big deal.  Two nights out drinking followed by two - count them TWO - mornings without a hangover?  Awesome.

Sunday morning started off with omeletes at some place I cannot remember the name of with Kira and Becky.



Most bathrooms in New Orleans are absolutely disgusting -- and most of them are outside from the actual establishment.  Our waiter told us that the bathrooms here were former slave quarters and were rumored to be haunted.  Ooooh!  Who doesn't love a good N'awlins style ghost story?  We didn't see a ghost but we did find they were some of the nicest bathrooms in the Quarter (that doesn't say much, belive me, as the toilet paper holder was falling off the wall).

The afternoon was set aside for: SWAMP TOUR.

Our tour guide was Ramone.  He was a real, true swamp person and told us he was the inspiration behind a character on The Princess and the Frog.

If you ever have the chance to do a swamp tour, then go for it!  We got to see some interesting country, hold some interesting critters, and - best of all - we were allowed to take drinks on the boat.  Holla!

Now, at the time these pictures were being taken we counted six alligators.  I couldn't find but two when I blew the picture up to label them. So . . . either there were six gators and four of them refused to be photographed.  Or there were only two and I had already had too much tequila.

To be honest, I was pretty unsure about the swamp tour.  It was pretty cold that day and I was afraid of freezing on the boat.  And I'm just not really a swamp tour type of person.  BUT.  I'm so glad I went.  It was such a good time!  And I was glad I could keep it klassy by brown bagging my Mike's Hard Cranberry:

Before we talk about Sunday night, I want to introduce you to Blanca.

She is my half Brazilian Portugese/ half Filipina alter ego.  And, just between the two of us, bitch be crazy.

*whispers* she drinks tequila

Sunday night started at Pat O'Brien's . . . it was actually my third time there over the weekend!  What can I say?  I love me some hurricanes.

On our way to Pat O's, we passed this shrine to WHITNEY:

I've passed the window of acceptability on making a post about Whitney Houston and *sobs* how I feel about her passing.  So all I will say is this: "No matter what they take from me, they CAN'T TAKE AWAY MY DIGNITY."

Orrrr . . . "I'm every woman!  It's all in meeeee!"

Wait.  One more.  "I wanna dance with somebody . . . I wanna feel the heat with somebody . . . "

Seriously.  Michael Jackson died while I was on vacation in Gulf Shores in 2009.  Whitney dies while I'm on this trip.  I may not go anywhere ever again. 

Where was I?

Pat O's!

We ate.  A lot.

We drank.  A lot.

We had fun.  A lot of it.

Afterwards, I agreed to accomany Kira salsa dancing but made it a point to tell her that I was wearing my boots because I was NOT going to dance.  I was NOT going to do it.  Not, not, not.

Didn't work.


The dancing place was (obviously) closing down when we got there.  But we spent a lot of time talking with the owner and (sooooo cute) bartender:

We left that bar and headed to Bourbon Cowboy where one of our friends may or may not have rode a bull in only her panties and bikini top (I'm not naming names).  From there, it was on to a place called Finnegan's.  But not before running into this on the way:

New Orleans.is.awesome.

Blanca was in rare form at Finnegan's and managed to convince a group of guys that she was a member of the United States military (Air Force) and also that she was a high school English teacher (I believe she also told them that Kira was her cousin and Mari was a half sister.  Who knows).  Blanca learned the next morning that those tequila shots that fueled her "We Went Out Last Night" rants weren't such a good idea!

NOLA 2012: Saturday

We started planning for this trip practically the minute last year's trip ended.  We really got down with planning it around September when we put our deposits down on our rental house.  And in the few weeks leading up to the trip it was pretty much ALL we talked about.  We went a little Groupon Crazy and ended up having our Saturday super packed with plans.

Plans being the keyword.  I think I did precisely ONE thing we purchased a groupon for!

The day started out, for four of us, with brunch at Frank's.

I'll write more about Frank's in my food post but let me say this now: If you eat anywhere in New Orleans, you MUST eat at Frank's.  We went last year and I knew I had to go back this year to once again eat some of their out-of-this-world crab stuffed mushrooms.  EAT THERE!  You won't regret it.

After Franks, we wandered around the French Market, eating more then headed back to the house to meet up with the rest of the girls.

Saturday was Tu Tu Day!

Saturday also happened to be "funny/ inappropriate t-shirt day."  Here we have:  I'm Drunk So You're Cute, I Love High School Boys, Guess Where I'm Pierced, and I Used to Care but Now I Take a Pill for That.  (I need to find that pill!)

Since we hadn't just stuffed ourselves silly, we headed down to Bourbon Street to find more eats.

We ended up the Nawlins Cookery where Mari and Becky had their first ever raw oysters.

The original plan for Saturday evening had been a fancy dinner followed by a Burlesque Show. We purchased groupons for the dinner and were a little short so three of us decided to sit it out.  (I was a little relieved -- I really wanted to just wear JEANS!)

So while most of the others set out for dinner, Becky and I headed over to Bourbon Street.  We ended up at Pat O'Brien's where I forced Bex to get a hurricane (doooods.  You cannot go to Pat O's and NOT GET A HURRICANE).

We made friends at the bar -- including with this lady, who was celebrating her 50th birthday, and her family.  They were from Baton Rouge.  Her son was wearing an LSU hat.  So you KNOW what I had to make him do . . .

I want to point out that: the man standing next to the birthday girl was not with their group.  We met him at the bar as well.  When we told him about my shirt earlier in the day (the one that read "I Love High School Boys") he offered to introduce me to his 17-year-old son.  Score!  Also, I love the way that jacket adds at least 50 pounds.  Suck it, Jacket!

We had too.much.fun and before long it was time for us to leave for the burlesque show.  On our way out, though, we ran into a bachelor party from Phoenix.  They needed a picture of the groom-to-be being kissed by two girls at the same time.  We gladly obliged.  Then I kissed everyone in the group.  Cause I'm generous like that.  Yo.

This guy was my favorite

We were a little early to the burlesque shows and, by that point, the hurricanes had set in.  And I wanted somebody for Becky to make out with.

This guy was happy to oblige.  Unfortnuately, Bex wasn't feeling his 70's porn mustache (fake) and his friend kept trying to shove HIS tongue down MY throat.  "DUDE!  I AM MARRIED!"

No pictures from the show (for obvious reasons) and afterward a few of us headed back over to Bourbon.  We met these guys along the way:

That's Fetus and Woman Thighs

They were both Marines from Portland.  Fetus had a drivers license that declared him to have been born in 1991.  I have my doubts, however, that he was a day over 15.  Woman Thighs got sick, threw up on a bar, and was quickly ditched by Fetus and another of their Marine friends who joined us. 

They hung out with us for most of the evening.  We hung out at a bar called Yo Mama's until finally making our way back to the house around 3 am.