Ahhhh, The Sweet Life


I grew up in the 80's and 90's and I loved to read. So, OF COURSE, I was all about some Sweet Valley.  The Sweet Valley Kids series didn't come around until I was past that stage but, man, I loved some Sweet Valley Twins. And, naturally, I graduated onto Sweet Valley High.

Ahhh. SVH. I can remember standing in line to go into class when I was in the fifth grade the girl in front of me said, in her most scandalized voice, "Did you know there's a Sweet Valley High book in the library called All Night Long?". Oh reeeeally? Of course, I had to pick it up. It was my beloved Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, still glorious and beautiful but now 16 and in high school, and staying out all night with older guys with 70's porn mustaches. I was hooked!
Over the years, I graduated from SVH to grown folks literature (such masterpieces as Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic Series). But I've always had a fondness for the Wakefield twins. They WERE my formative years. I was excited when Francine Pascal published Sweet Valley Confidential last year and brought us up to date on Jessica, Elizabeth, Todd, Enid and the rest of the crew. (I'll refrain, at this point, from posting a laundry list of errors from that particular book. But, Francine, it was Ricky Capaldo! Ricky that "saved" Easy Annie back in high school! Ricky Capaldo!!!!!!)

A few weeks ago, the first installment in the e-serial "The Sweet Life" was released and my Sundays haven't been the same since. The installments are released weekly and they're short enough they can easily be read in an hour or less. I wasn't going to write anything about The Sweet Life until I finished all six e-serials. But after finishing the fourth yesterday morning ... must.talk.about.it.

Here's the deal:

1) I want to find Sweet Valley, California and RAISE MY CHILDREN THERE. The crazy drama aside, everyone who graduated from SVH is crazy successful! Annie Whitman is only 29, making her just four years out of law school, but she's already achieved everything an attorney can possibly achieve in San Diego and headed back to provide her law prowess to her hometown. Ken Matthews plays in the NFL. Todd and Elizabeth both write for the LA Times ... a pretty major paper for being not even a decade removed from their days at SVU! And how crazy that it's the biggest paper so close to their hometown? Enid Rollins is the best gynecologist in Sweet Valley, despite being a scant 30-years-old, an age at which everyone but Enid and Doogie Howser is still in their residency. Even Caroline Pearce, that crazy gossip that everybody loves to hate, runs a successful blog.

2) Let's talk age. Y'all. There must be a fountain of youth in Sweet Valley! The first book was published in 1983. Yet in 2012 Jessica and Elizabeth - age16 in '83 - are only 30. I was 13 years younger than them all those years ago and now THEY are younger than me? Remember the fits that Claire Pike used to throw in the Babysitters Club series? No feeeeeee-air! (Yeah, thought I'd pull another 90's reference on you!) Although, I'll be honest.  I'm not sure I want to live in a world where the Wakefield twins would be celebrating their 45th birthday this year. 

3) Enid Rollins. Best OBGYN in all if Sweet Valley -- everybody goes to her!  She turned into some sort of evil horsebeast in the years since high school and now everybody hates her.  But they let her get elbow deep in their lady parts? Ex-squeeze me very much? Do me a favor. Think of the person you hated the most in high school. Now. Imagine yourself carrying on a conversation with her while your feet are in stirrups and she is SWABBING YOUR VAGINA. Yeah, not gonna happen. It was bad enough when somebody I knew from high school had to give me a sponge bath in the hospital. And she was somebody I liked! 

You better believe there'll be more about the series to come.  Now while I wait for the last two installments to be released, Imma go in search of Sweet Valley and their fountain of youth . . .
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