Reality TV and . . . Reality

The other night, I was lying in bed minding my own business when I got a text from my friend Kira.  Kira is kinda sorta the reason I started recapping 16 & Pregnant again this season and she was not happy I skipped last week.

She even threw out a "Bitch, catch up!" at me.

So, to Kira, I offer my apologies.

Because my reality doesn't offer me much room to watch reality TV and then write about it too.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.

See, here is how my evenings usually go:

We eat dinner somewhere around 6:00.  We're generally done around 6:30.  I do "basic" kitchen clean up (rinse the plates, scoop up any dropped food) then get the kids out the door and head to the playground.  We play for a while and are home at 7:45.  I get them in the bath then do the post-bath routine of brushing teeth and lathering on lotion and undies and jammies.  Around 8:15 or so, I pop them in front of the TV or send them to bug their Daddy and do the actual kitchen clean up.  9:00 is bed time which would be nice if they actually WENT TO BED right at 9:00.  Instead, it's trips to the bathroom and "just one more hug and kiss" and then a baby who isn't really that much of baby anymore who insists on being rocked to sleep.  Before I know it, it's 9:50 and all that's left of 16 & Pregnant is the girl whining about how her babydaddy never helps her out and all she wanted was a family for her baby and now she can't even go to prom because her mom won't babysit.

Also, last night Eddie made a batch of pina coladas and went a little heavy on the Bicardi.  So it was approxomately 8.2 seconds after I laid the baby down in her bed that I was passed out in my own, drooling onto my pillow, an MTV reality show being the last thing on my mind.

I do have ads on my blog but I stand to make around, oh, $8 this year (watch, Pioneer Woman and your million dollah blog!).  In other words: I ain't being paid to do 16 & Pregnant recaps.  And as much as I enjoy writing the recap - and, okay I can admit it - I also kinda enjoy screaming in frustration at the TV - there are other things I enjoy more.  Sleep for one.  Big fan of sleep over here.

So to those of you who enjoy the recaps - my apologies.  I'm not saying there won't be anymore at all but they will be sporadic.

And to Kira, please don't beat me up.  I could probably take you anyway.  I work out.  ;)

16 & Pregnant: Alex and Matt

If I had realized this episode was going to be an hour and a half long -- before 56 minutes into the episode -- you wouldn't be getting this review right now.  I'm old and "staying up late" just to finish the recap of a regular hour long episode is hard enough. 
Up this week is Alex from a Pennsylvania where, apparently, it's always raining.  She was raised by her single mom to be responsible and independent.  She pretty much kicks ass on the responsible front.  In addition to going in to her senior year in high school, Homegirl works two jobs!  Way to go, Alex! 

This is a show about teen pregnancy so, obvs, there's another half the equation.  Matt is her boyfriend of two years (two years!) and he's smart, sweet, funny, and different from other guys (in a good way, of course).  Well, if never being "super responsible" and staying in trouble is a good kind of different . . .

Alex tells us that nothing has been easy about her pregnancy (when is pregnancy easy?  I have three under my belt and of all the adjectives I could use to describe them easy is not one) and I'm hoping we're going to get some sort of fun type of not easy.  Remember Markai and her Pringles can for the excessive saliva?  Alas, by "not easy" Alex means she has a big decision to make: keep the baby or put her up for adoption.

Alex's mom put her on birth control as soon as Big Al started doing the dirty.  Moms was furious when Alex got pregnant and gave her an ultimatum: either put the baby up for adoption or keep it and find somewhere else to live.  Gee. What a way to make yourself seem like a complete assface to all of America.  :/

She and Matt have the Adoption Talk.  She doesn't think she can give the baby up but is scared of trying to raise her on her own.  Matt is, like, totes going to "try his best" to be there as much as he can to help, you know?  Dude?  Of course, Al voices over about how he disappears a lot, parties too much, and has been on probation.  Dad of the Year material!

We're treated to a very-staged-by-MTV scene of 8.5 pregnant Alex in her dance class.  Seriously, the only reason this girl is at this class is because MTV wants to be able to do the round table discussion on how she got pregnant after she's finished standing there and moving her arms around.  Anyway.  Since we're all on the edges of our seats wondering how she got knocked up, she explains to her dance friends (and one of these girls totally has a poof that would do Snooki proud!) that they used protection and she was on birth control but there was an "oopsie."  They thought about Plan B but it was $50.  *Snort*  If $50 was too much, wait till you see that hospital bill after have the baby . . .

It's two weeks until Alex's due date and her mom is losing patience re: the Adoption Decision.  Her mom tells her point blank, "there will be no babies in this house."  She says she is not going to raise a baby and her responsibility ended when she put Alex on birth control.  And, thing is, I kinda agree with her.  I mean, she shouldn't have to raise another child because her daughter got knocked up.  And she did do the "right" thing to try to keep her kid from getting sperminated.  Alex does need to be a kid.  But . . . come on, Mom!  That's your kid.  Show a little compassion and don't try to shove a decision that she could live to regret down her throat.  It's like she's just trying to set herself up to be resented.  Ya know?

It's time for an ultrasound!  Matt shows up - sweating - and looks pissed off through the entire thing.  Alex mentions she's thinking of naming the baby Arabella.  Excuse me?  Is she giving birth to a 90-year-old?

Al and her friend Brianna are eating at a restaurant when Bri Bri oh-so-casually drops the bombshell that her mom wants to adopt the baby.  Ai yi yi.  "Just something if you want to consider it" as she takes another bite of her din-din. 

She goes to meet with Brianna's parents - sans Matt because she can't get a hold of him.  It's pretty obvious that Bri's mom is foaming at the mouth to adopt this baby.  Her dad is the most compassionate adult we've seen yet this episode.  They let Alex know that they would give her time with the baby before stepping into adopt and that they would allow her to stay in the baby's life.  They also let her know they have a neighbor looking for a roomie (remember: Al can't stay at her mom's house if she decides to keep the baby).  They meet the neighbor and agree on rent, utilities, and all that.

Alex and Matt get together to discuss this whole "OMG WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOOO" thing again.  Matt is, of course, sweating again.  Excessively this time.  Gross.  He thinks it's a good idea for Brianna's parents to adopt the baby.  He tells Alex she has to put the baby before herself and that this is an act that requires "uber maturity."  Lol, Matt, el oh el.  I can't believe the word "maturity" is even in this dude's vocabulary. He tells her she can't financially afford baby.  She knows she can't on her own but stresses that they can do it together if they both put in 150%.  Matt disagrees.  Possibly because he's never in his life put 150% into anything other than smoking pot.

She takes Matt to talk to Brianna's parents.  Ya'll.  I'll be honest: I don't know much about drug use at all but I'm assuming this disgusting sweating is probably attributed to some sort of drug use?  Regardless, it's pretty gross.  And it's sad because this is a kid who is only 17 and, not only that, but he can't put down the pipe long enough to focus on the fact that a life he went halves on is about to brought into the world.  Through the course of the meeting, Alex says she realizes that adoption is the best bet.  Bri's mom starts to cry.  Her dad steps in and says to wait until after the baby comes to make a decision, that actually meeting their baby could change their minds.

Even though she is leaning toward the adoption, Alex decides to move in to to the neighbor's house anyway.  She doesn't get everything moved in so she stays the night at Bri's house.  She wakes up the next morning in labor.  She texts Matt and four hours later he still hasn't responded.

She decides she wants to "go down there" and have a face to face conversation with him.  They find him and I'm not sure exactly what happens but Alex is writhing in pain and Matt's sweaty ass finds himself parked in the backseat of the car.

After 18 hours of labor (finally!  A labor that lasts longer than five or six hours!), Arabella Elizabeth is born.  Matt stays by Alex's side and she's feeling all warm and fuzzy and in love with him and their baybay.  After two days with the babes, she can't imagine giving her to someone else.  She goes home from the hospital to Matt's house so they can talk.  So much talking in this episode!  She tells him she just wants him to be committed to the baby and for him to stay as smittten as he is in that moment.  Oh, Alex.  Honey.  You have watched this show before, haven't you? 

It's time to tell her mom and Brianna's parents that she wants to keep the baby.  Brianna's mom cries (and I feel for her) and Alex's mom apologizes to her.  Her mom starts harping on her about expenses and just . . . I don't know.  I don't like her mom and I can't believe she's treating her teenage daughter, who is just days post-partum, to a lecture.  Let's just leave my opinion at that.

Alex has to prove she can do it on her own.  Only problem is . . . she can't.  She doesn't have enough cash in her account to cover rent.  She needs Matt's help.  When she tells him this, he tells her he'll "probably" get a job at, like, a factory maybe, like, sometime this week.  Homeslice is totally stoned out of his mind as he tells her that he'll do his best.  Mmkay.

It's been a week since she asked for money and she hasn't seen a dime.  I know!  You're all fainting in shoc!.  Since she can't afford rent, she tells her mom she wants to move back home.  Her mom says she can live there but then launches into a lecture about how her lack of planning is not being a responsible parent.  I don't know what more she wants from a teen mom -- the kid is taking care of her baby and working.  But at least she lets her move back in.

So she moves back in with her mom and doesn't pay her rent for the next month as it would only leave her with $40 to get by on.  And since Alex is a 17-year-old girl she texts her former landlord to tell her this.  Alex, Alex, Alex.
We didn't get a baby shower with this one but we do get a "Welcome Party!"  Annnnd, during the Welcome Party, she gets a text from the former roomie letting her know that she has to get there RIGHT THEN to pick up her stuff or it will all be thrown to the curb.

Stiffing the Landlord on Rent 101: do not leave your shit in their house if you don't plan on paying rent!  Geez-o-petes.

She leaves the shower to go rescue her things and when she gets there all her stuff is already on the curb.  Her mom comes to help her out and ya'll already know - Lecturey McLectureson launches into yet another lecture.

Get this!  Alex's Grandpaps GIVES her a car!  Must be nice.

It's almost time for school to start so Al has to start looking into daycare for Baby Arabella.  She calls around and finds rates are crazy expensive.  She makes the decision to switch to cyber school for her senior year.  When she tells her friends, they start rattling off everything she's going to miss.  Ouch!  Salt -- meet open wound.  They tell her it's not fair that she has to sacrafice her senior year while Matt has to sacrafice . . . absolutely nothing.  He still gets to go school and see all his friends!  This makes me laugh because, let's be real peeps, Matt probably hasn't seen the interior of a classroom since fourth grade.

It's the first day of school and, OMG, Matt actually DOES go to school!  In fact, he overslept (because he was out the night before - where are this child's parents?) and missed the bus.  And calls Alex to give him a ride to school.  Of course, she goes and picks him up.  Sigh.

Her boss at the dance studio lets her bring the baby to work with her.  It seems like this'll be a pretty sweet gig (until the baby projectile vomits all over the floor during class) and, BONUS, she scares some of the girls into keeping their legs closed by telling them all what a Big Fat Losah Matt is.

She asks Matt to come over and watch the baby while she goes to work at her fast food job.  He agrees but then never shows.  And never answers when Alex calls.  Her mom is peeved that she doesn't have a back up plan and Alex ends up not being able to go to work.

Matt shows up three days later and they get into it.  This douchenozzle . . . ya'll.  He has the nerve to tell her, "one thing about babies is they pick up on yelling."  Oh, Matt.  He defends his not stepping by telling her that everyone knew where he stood.  He wanted the baby put up for adoption.  He feels Alex didn't truly examine all the variables.  I hate to give say this but, on this one, he's right.  Giving the baby up for adoption probably would have been the best thing.  Especially given the lack of support from Al's mom and the fact that her babydaddy is a drugged out toolbag.  But you know what?  It was her choice.  I can't imagine carrying a baby for nine months, holding and snuggling her, and then giving her up for adoption.  And, as far as that goes, just because he voiced his opinion on the matter and wanted to put the baby up for adoption doesn't mean that Matt is relieved of his fatherhood responsibilities.  Sorry, dudes, but when it comes to makin' and havin' the babies then your "choice" is whether or not to wrap that thing up.  You know that every time you do the deed, there's a chance that a baby will be the result and if you're not ready to step up to the plate and BE A FREAKIN' DAD then you don't need to be having sex.  Period, end of story.

Woah.  Tangent.  *Climbing off soapbox*

Anyhow, Alex tells him he has to make the decision if he wants to be involved.  To that he says he's doing his best.  (Please).  She tells him he's a headache and he answers with, "see if you ever see me again."  She tells him all he's ever going to be is a check in the mail and he says he won't even be that.  He walks off and Alex follows him, screaming at him about how he's a deadbeat dad and is nothing.  He walks away without saying anything.

In the wrap up, Alex says she doesn't want to be a single mom but now she has to.  She loves Matt but he's not the person she fell in love with two years ago.  She feels adoption is amazing but she just couldn't let go.  Her family ha sstepped up and helps her out but she pays for everything the baby needs.

This was easily one of the  most heartbreaking episodes yet.  Matt goes in the Hall of Fame of Horrible Babydaddies.  Alex was just about as responsible as we can expect a 17-year-old to be.  And while I definitely don't think her mom should be obligated to "raise" the baby, a little bit of help from her (i.e. watching the baby sometimes [not every time!] while Alex works) could go a long way.

16 & Pregnant: Lindsey and Forest

Before we get on with this week's episode, let's talk about 16 & Pregnant "graduate" and Teen Mom 2 "star" Leah, formerly one half of the couple known as CoreyAndLeah.  Um, so apparently she got married again?  Homegirl is 19!  NINETEEN!  I can't even imagine being married at 19 let alone married, divorced, and remarried . . . oh, and there are those twin babies thrown in the mix too.  Say it with me, folks: HOLY SHEEE-ITE.  Leah, honey, WHY for art throu racing through life?  Take a breath, Baby Girl.  At the rate you're speeding through things you're going to start nursing home shopping before you ever hit your 30's!  (Also, I didn't watch Teen Mom 2 last season so I have no way of knowing if Corey was a complete douche nozzle the entire time but from what I've read on the interwebz, she cheated on him??  Leah!  I want to give you a whippin'!  I was a champion for you two!)

Okay.  16 &Pregnant!

This week we meet Lindsey from Reno.  She lives with her mom and younger sister in a house so small that she and her sister don't just share a room: they also share a bed!  Yikes!  She and boyfriend Forest are a rarity on 16 & Pregnant since they've been together longer than four or five months.  They've been "on again, off again" for three years.  I'm not sure that's any better than being 16 and only having a boyfriend for three months before you have a bun in the oven . . .

Lindsey has big plans.  She wants to go to college and become a police detective.  And, oh yeah, she wants to be a professional cage fighter and a model.  (Um, okay).  I'll give homegirl props on this one: it's summertime so she's out of school and she's working long hours in fast food to raise money.  You go girl, Lindsey.  You go.  Good for you.

By the way.  The boyfriend?  Run Forest Run?  No job.  OF COURSE.  He also wanted her to get an abortion and even broke up with her when she refused.  They're back together now so it's all good.  :/

MTV wants us all to know how she got pregnant and, ya'll, this one . . . I'm still shaking my head.  You see, Lindz and Run Forest Run had sex one time without a condom and she didn't get pregnant.  So, based on that one time, she figured she couldn't get pregnant and RFR didn't wrap it up.  Um.  Top Ten Reasons you are Too Young for Sex.

Oh!  This little "how she got knocked up" conversation brings us one of the best gems I've ever heard from the mouth of a teenager on 16&P.  When discussing whether or not RFR will step up and be a man, one of Lindsey's friends says, "if you're old enough to stick it in then you're old enough to stick it out!"  I DIE.

Lindz has major attitude in pretty much any scene involving her mom.  This girl.  I don't know.  Her mom also wanted her to get an abortion.  I'm not a big fan of this sort of thing even being discussed on the show -- mainly because the baby could very well grow up and see it one day and, really, does she need to know that her grandmother wanted her aborted?  But, that aside, Lindsey's mom is tryng to prepare her for the realities of motherhood.  Lindsey, though, is too busy being a teenage assface.  Attitude.  Major.

Obviously, Lindsey had to give up training for cage fighting because it was too big of a risk with her pregnancy.  She has to put off turning pro by at least a year.  Also?  She never told her trainer, who was like a father figure to her, that she's been sperminated.  She cops an attitude when her mom and friend bring up telling him.  I really don't like this girl, ya'll.  I just don't.  I realize most 16-year-olds are know-it-alls but she's like . . . I don't know . . . a gold medalist in the Know-It-All Olympics.  Plus, she seems so . . . flat and emotionless.

We pretty much know that any 16&P episode is going to include the "let's move in together" talk.  (Sidenote: where are the baby showers this season?  MTV!  You're letting me down!  I expect to see a fully scripted baby shower scene with plenty of acne and braces on the guests).  This one is no different.  Lindz tells RFR that she has a picture of them being a happy little family.  OF COURSE she does!  They start the Moving In Talk and decide it would make the most financial sense.  And they don't want the baby going back and forth between them. 

Lindsey goes to check out baby supplies -- with an idea in her head that she'll be dropping around $200.  Ha!  Shefinds out that, on the low end, they'll need to shell out $500 to get ready for the babes.  She lets Forest know he'll have to get a job and he agrees, rather unethusiastically, to start looking.

But guess what!  It's been a week and RFR still hasn't began looking for a job.  Who is suprised?  Who?  Bueller?  Bueller?

Lindz has dinner with RFR's family.  And - bombshell! - Forest's mom has no problem with Lindsey moving in with them.  But she does have a problem with Forest getting a job.  Are you FREAKING kidding me?  She doesn't want Forest to have to juggle school and fatherhood and a job.  I'm just like . . . I don't . . . nuh uh.  SERIOUSLY?  Forest is all about this idea and pipes in that if they wait till he graduates he'll have a diploma and can get a real job and not just have to flip burgers or something "stupid".  Yeah, budy, good luck with finding something that pays more than eight bucks an hour with that diploma. 

After Lindsey leaves, they fight on the phone and it ends with RFR hanging up on her.  And then -- DRAMA!  "Something felt weird."  She's two months from her due date but is having contractions.  She heads to the hospital.  They admit her to be monitored and she's kept overnight.  She tries to let Forest know but he doesn't call, text, or show up at the hospital.

Side note: Why does a 16-year-old have a huge tatoo on her stomach?

By the next morning, her contractions have stopped.  She is at risk for pre-term labor so she's given a steroid shot to help the baby's lungs develop in case the Babes decides to come before 36 weeks.  She is given a steroid shot . . . with a friend in the room!  That's what every 16-year-old girl wants to see . . . her bestie getting a shot in the ass.


She is put on bedrest which means no school, no work.  Pretty much nothing but lying around the couch.  I was on bedrest once for, like, a weekend.  Gawww.  I miss bedrest.

Anyway.  We're not exactly sure how much time has gone by but she "still" hasn't heard from RFR.  She leaves him a voice mail letting him know that he needs to get his shit together and tell him that she's done and out of his life.  Yeah.  We'll see how long this lasts.

Aaaaaand . . . it's aproxomately 5.2 seconds!  Forest texts (he doesn't stop by her house or even call) to apologize.    She goes to his house - what happened to bedrest? - so they can talk things out.  He tells her he didn't ditch her at the hospital because he's mean.  Ya'll, he totes did it because he needs time to grow up.  Yeah, Forest?  THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN PLAYING HIDE THE WEENIE.

Slight tangent here: it's inevitible that, over the course of the season, I'll get a couple comments telling me not to "judge" these kids so harshly or expect them to be able to grow up over night.  And, for some reason, this is centered more about the boys who helped make the babies.  Ya'll, I'm calling bullshit right now.  I hate this!  Time after time after time we see girls step up because they have to.  Why do people not hold boys more accountable?  Why do we seem to give them a "pass" because they are not the ones carrying the baby?  If they're grown enough to do what it takes to make a baby then they should be grown enough to a) protect their partner from pregnancy and themselves from disease (i.e. wear a condom -- when you're 16 and having sex, male or female, YOU need to worry about protecting YOU and not depend on your partner to do so) and b) accept the responsibilty that comes along with any result of this action.  Seriously. 

Forest wants Lindsey to move in so they can be a family together.  She says yes and -- even though I think she's practically an emotionless zombie -- this makes me sad.  I don't think these two even like each other all that much, let alone love each other.  And it's pretty obvious they're only moving in together because they're having a baby together.  This whole thing just has Disaster written all over it.

Lindz has to tell her mom that she's moving in with Forest.  Her mom asks if she really thinks RFR is going to help and be responsible.  She doesn't think it's a good idea at all.  Lindz is still her baby and it's very hard for her.  Awww, Mom.

We have water breakage!  Linz goes into labor at 36 weeks.  Aniyah Monroe (totally kinda love that name!) is born - perfectly healthy! - after five hours of labor.

Forest was at the birth but, umm, his mom doesn't want him to miss too much school so he can't stick around for their second day in the hospital.  Yeah.  Another sign you're probably too young to be knockin' the boots.  Also, I'm a little torn here.  Part of me wants to tell RFR and his mom that it's time to cut the cord.  I mean, HELLO, he is already a father himself.  Another part of me thinks this kid is 17 and, therefore, his mom totally has the right to tell him when his ass should be in class.

Lindsey's mom has to fill out some of the baby's paperwork because Lindz is still a minor.  This somehow turns into a fight and ends with L's mom storming out of the room.  The main issue is that her mom isn't handling Lindsey moving out. 

Lindz is home (Forest's house) with the baby and, of course, she's lonely and bored.  She's half an hour away from any of her friends and none of them wanat to take the drive to see her and the baby.  Yeah.  Haven't we heard this before?  Like on EVERY SINGLE episode of this show?

She wants to make things better with her mom.  They meet at a restaurant.  Mmm.  Sushi.  Her mom apologizes for what happened at the hospital and says she wants to be a part of both their lives.  They kiss and make up.

They decide to go see her trainer.  Ya'll.  This girl is letting her trainer know why she wasn't training by INTRODUCING HIM TO THE BABY.  Like, who does that?  Good lard.  The visit reduces her to tears and she realizes how much she misses training and she wants to get back into it asap.

She talks to RFR about the cage fighting and it evolves into a discussion about him getting a job.  But, maybe, Forest just like doesn't think he juggle a job and school.  Meanwhile, Lindz is about to embark on juggling work, school, motherhood, and cage fighting.  Dude, Forest.  GROW A PAIR.  And, Lindsey, really.  I am totally judging you right now for staying with this asshole.

The episode ends - surprisingly - with Lindz still living at Forest's house.  She says him not wanting to get a job is "not okay but he's stuck by her side."  WTF?  Lindsey!  He did NOT stick by your side!  Remember when you were in the hospital the first time?  Take your blinders off!  She voices over with the same old, same old -- would do anything to be out of school already and have a career and her own home.  She wishes she would've waited.

In the grand scheme, Forest isn't the worst of the Babydaddies we've seen on 16&Pregnant but he is . . . rather unethusiastic about the whole fatherhood thing.  The fact that he won't work - and that his mother supports that - pisses me off.  Lindsey is thoroughly unlikeable and seems more taken by the whole cage fighting than her baby.  I give her mad props for working to support her child and mad "wtf" glares for sticking with a spineless, lazy boyfriend.

16 & Pregnant: Briana and Devon

The 16&P recaps are back, ya'll!  You can all thank my friend Kira -- she was all, "bitch betta start blogging 16&Pregnant again!"  So here I am! 

Before I get with this week's post, let me say something real quick about comments.  Any post on my blog that's more than five days old has comment moderation enabled.  So if you stumbled upon this post two weeks after it was published, THAT is why your comment is waiting moderation.  I approve pretty much any and all comments - regardless of how old the post is. 

Let's get this show on the road now shall we?

America meet Briana.  She lives in Orlando with her mom and older sister, Brittany (hold on for an interesting little tidbit about Britt Britt here in a minute).  Bri is a good student.  So good in fact that she graduated high school a year early and is looking forward to college.  She broke up with her boyfriend, Devon, a month ago.  But she still loves him and wants to work things out because . . . she's pregnant!

Her older sister found out she was pregnant around the same time as Bri revealed she was knocked up (by the way - she WROTE HER MOM A LETTER to tell her she was pregnant.  OMG.  Teenage girls!  Do NOT do this to your Mamas.  DO NOT.  EVER).  Brittany's boyfriend wasn't supportive of the pregnancy so she decided to abort.  Bri kept her baby and questions whether or not she made the right decision.

We get the MTV-staged piece about how she got pregnant (seventh grade Biology, ya'll).  Apparently they only used protection "once or twice" because it was awkward and weird to talk about.  Note: this is PROBABLY a sign you should not be having sex with someone.  Just sayin'.  The lack of protection is somehow his fault because he should've just, like, put one on or something, ya know?  (Teenage girls!  Do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever depend on the guy to take care of pregnancy protection.  HE is not the one who will get pregnant)!

Bri and her mom decide to put the baby bed together.  Somehow this ends up with Bri having a bloody toe and MTV decides to show a fairly gnarly close up.  For - in my mind - what seems like an extended amount of time.  WHY, MTV? WHY?  Bloody feet gross me out more than anything else in the world and I'm tempted to turn the channel.  The bloody toe (*harf*) evolves into a discussion about all the disgusting things babies do.  Sister Britt is in the room at this point and the conversation turns to her abortion and how she can't ever take it back.  There are tears, on her part, as she explains it's hard to watch Briana go through pregnancy.  She knows it'll be hard seeing Bri with the baby as well.  There's a lot of tension between the sisters.  Part of me feels sorry for Brittany and I wish we knew a little more about her story.  Did she feel forced into abortion?  Did she feel it was her only alternative?  On the other hand, she needs to just stop taking it out on Bri that Bri decided to keep her baby. 

It's been a month since Briana has spoken to ex-boyfriend Devon. She expects him to be involved in the baby's life, wants him to go to doctor's appointments, and - this is where it would be funny if it wasn't so dadgum sad - wants him to do everything she has to do (get up with the baby in the middle of the night, feed the baby, etc).  I want to hug this girl and slap her at the same time.  Honey, if he's not around while you're pregnant and he doesn't care enough to go to sonogram appointments, he's not going to give two shits after the baby is born either. 

Briana has picked out a name for the baby!  She decides to name her Nova which makes me think of Novalee Nation (and her daughter Americus) on the movie Where the Heart Is.  It's decidedly better than one of the choices she threw out - Bliss - which, thankfully, Moms told her sounded like a stripper name.

Let's talk about old Devon for a minute here, mmkay?  I know his type.  Old Boy didn't just obtain a diploma from Douchebag University.  He graduated magna cum laude.  He's also what you might call a little bit of a control freak.  (Expert analysis there, ya'll).  When he finds out Bri has picked a name for their baby, OF COURSE he wants to meet up with her then.  Duh.  Control freak, remember?  He may not take care of the baby.  Or even care that he has a child.  But, dammit, he's going to have some sort of say in what that kid's name is.

Briana tells him that she feels the last name is more important than the first name (right on, sister) and he needs to really show her that the baby deserves his last name.  She tells him she wants him to be there for the baby and to have a job to help take care of Nova.  At this point in the episode my husband wandered into the living room, watched for a few minutes and then muttered something about "two young dummies."  Got THAT right.  Devon, he of the DBU degree, provides us with the little gem that he's "stressed" because he's being forced to get a job.  Asshole, please.  We all know the only job you're going to get is chasing tail.

We see more tension between the sisters when Briana wants to view a DVD of her sonogram.  Brittany get mad about this - or possibly about beans, I didn't really follow - and ends up storming out of the house.  Bri tells one of her friends that the tension is bumming her out and she's worried about her sister being depressed after the baby is born.  She goes on to blabber something about how, since she's so young, she can't enjoy her pregnancy the way a 35-year-old woman can.  Ya'll.  If I ever find myself pregnant at 35 -- an age that's not that far off but, by that time, my youngest baby will be five, I WILL JUMP OFF A CLIFF.  I'm just sayin'.

At 39 weeks, Bri goes to a haunted house to hang out with friends.  Haha, joke, joke about the possibillity of getting so scared her water breaks.  Guess what?  Her stomach starts hurting so bad they have to leave.  The pain gets worse during the night - LABOR!
 
She calls D to let him know and, pick your jaws up off the floor, he shows up to go to the hospital with them.  Right?  I can't believe it either.

Seven hours into labor, Bri starts pushing.  Can we talk about this for a minute?  I've been in labor twice -- both times for 12 hours before I ended up with a c-section.  Even at 12 hours of active labor I was still about halfway to being dialated enough to push.  Seven hours seems perfect!  Maybe there really is something to be said about birthin' them babies when you're younger?

Nova Star is born and she is an adorable, squishy baby.  I have a weakness for babies with lots of hair and, I won't lie to ya'll, my ovaries skipped a beat.  My baby turns two tomorrow and I would give anything - anything - to hold her, or either of her brothers, as a newborn just one more time.

*Sniffle*  Can someone pass me a tissue?  Come over here and cradle me?

I digress.

Devon was present and accounted for during the birth of his daughter.  But then something came up that was important than bonding with that precious bundle of joy.  Something like, you know, playing basketball with his friends. Priorities.

Since Devon skipped out, Bri makes perhaps the smartest decision possible: she doesn't put his name on the birth certificate* and gives the baby her last name.  Devon is, apparently, pissed when he finds out.  He yells at her mom and sister then storms out of the hospital. Unfortunately, MTV was not there to record this for all posterity and I guess D declined to do a reenactment for the sake of the show.  Stupid Devon.

* I don't know if it's the same in Florida but, in Arkansas (where my oldest son was born), if a child was born to a couple who wasn't married, the woman couldn't just put his name on the birth certificate.  The father has to provide a notarized acknowlegement of paternity.  In other words -- since D wasn't there when the birth certificate was filled out, it was his own damn fault!

A week after the baby is born, Briana decides to "treat" herself to a haircut.  Considering she now looks like a middle-aged elementary school librarian, I'm not sure if was a "treat" so much as a "punishment."  :/  17 is too young for "mom hair."

When little Nova is three weeks old, Devon decides he'll grace his daughter and babymama with his presence.  He comes over, friend in tow, and Briana tries to talk him through learning to feed the baby.  He receives a text message and becomes more engrossed with his phone than Baby.  Big Sister Brittany calls him out on it and ends up leaving the room because she's so pissed at his behavior.  Can't blame her.

Briana's mom comes in the room and tries to have a conversation.  She explains to Bri and D that they have to make it work for the baby's sake.  Devon . . . is on his phone!  Texting or Facebooking or Tweeting -- basically just being a disrespectful asshole.  Show of hands -- who's surprised?

He leaves and Bri is in tears.  Her mom tells her, "sometimes some daddies aren't willing to want to make it work."  Heartbreaking.  True.

Briana feels like she can't enjoy being a mother because of the sitution with Devon.  I feel for her - I do.  But another part of me can't help but wonder what she REALLY expected as a pregnant 17-year-old.  Come on, Bri.  I KNOW you had to have watched episodes of 16&Pregnant before.  We ALL know what happens 99% of the time and it's not a happily ever after for the little family.

D tells Briana he wants to discuss things but not at her house or around her mom.  She agrees to meet him for dinner and . . . he never shows.

I would gladly kick his ass myself.  KICK IT.  MYSELF.

The "next day" she's taking to Brittany about how much she misses her social life and blah, blah, we hear this on every episode of 16&Pregnant.  Then she drops the bombshell that if she could go back and have an abortion she would.

Say it with me now: WHAT.THE.WHAT.WHAT.

Briana!  Honey!  You do realize that your baby could see this someday don't you?  What a horrible, awful, ugly thing to say. 

She goes on to say she doesn't regret her baby but that she feels like Brittany made the right choice by aborting.

I would love to feel sorry for her -- and I guess I do -- but you know what?  Heffa, please.  You're a mom.  You made the decision to have sex.  You made the decision to keep the baby.  I'm sorry your man isn't there for you.  Honey, I've been there.  I've lived it.  It sucks and it's hard.  But you know what?  There's so much more to being a mother than just co-parenting with someone else.  You can't let the sperm donor's involvement, or lack there of, be reflected on how YOU feel for your baby.  That's just eleventy billion sorts of wrong.  It's not fair that he doesn't help you out.  HE sucks at life.  But your baby doesn't deserve a mother who says she made the wrong decision in NOT HAVING AN ABORTION.  I'm petty sure my head is going to explode!  And I consider myself to be politically pro-choice!

In her voice over at the end of the episode she tells us that Devon doesn't deserve Nova (word) and that she doesn't want anything to do with him.  She realizes it's never going to work out with him (gee, what was your first clue?).  She's focused on her education and is grateful to her mom for everything she's done for her.  She wants the best for her own daughter and knows more than a high school diploma is the only way she can really provide that best for Nova.

I'm curious as to what'll be up with Briana on the Dr. Drew special -- think we'll see Devon?  She definitely doesn't seem to be in love with him but I can also kinda see this girl to let him be one who yo-yo's in and out of her (and Nova's) life.  We'll see . . .