The One in Which I Devote an Entire Post to Kim Kardashian


Much to the chagrin of my step-daughter (she's 12 and the fact that her father and I breathe pretty much embarrasses her these days), Eddie and I were discussing the other day that if we had a Halloween party to go to we would totally dress up as Kim and Kanye.  Of course, it would take at least four booty pops and a couple Wonderbras for me to pull off a Kardashian.  And even then we'd probably still end up looking like the poor man's Kimye.  Or the Kim and Kanye of the "if celebs were real people" meme that was going around a couple months ago.  I also mentioned that it would be fun to do Kim Kardashian, Runaway Bride since she's in her early 30's, married and divorced (mostly divorced?) twice, and her marriage to that goofy looking basketball player lasted approxomately eight minutes. 

"She's been married TWICE?"  The hubs obviously doesn't read the gossip magazines that litter our house.  As with anything that comes with pop culture and proving myself in our house, I pulled out my phone and googled Kim K.  I proved that she was married before and also found out something startling.

Google her.  Do it now.

Does that little box show up that gives you information on her?  Full name, height, and weight?  Yeah.  Look at that.  Kim K. is trying to tell the world that she weighs 116 pounds. 

Say it with me now: bitch, please.

I know they say the camera adds ten pounds but just how many cameras are routinely on this chick?  (That's a Friends reference there).

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying Karskankian is fat.  Not by any means.  But homegirl is curvy.  She's KNOWN for her curves.  And curves like that at 116 pounds?  Maybe if she's 4'8.

If she's 116 pounds then how much does, say, Jennifer Aniston weigh?  Or the Olson twins?  Man, those Olsons must weigh about 116 pounds combined!

Thing is, Kim K. probably doesn't weigh more than 130.  That's a nice number.  An awesome number.  90% of the women I know would offer up their left boob to see 130 on the scale.  So WHY LIE ABOUT IT?  As someone who never has - outside of junior high - weighed 130 and probably never will, I.don'  At my smallest, as an adult, I fit into a size six jeans and you know what?  I want that shit written in my obituary!  Seriously.  "In 2008, Brandi fit into a size six jeans."  Maybe it's because I had been chubby prior to those sixes, I don't know, but I can't imagine lying about my weight.  Kim K. is constantly being photographed working out.  She obviously works hard -- why not just own who you are?

Kim!  You're curvy!  OWN IT.
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