Confessions: Halloween Style

Tuesday

I'm feeling lazy -- and Blogger is being a gigantic asshat to me lately -- so, today, a list:

1) After seeing the 800th Facebook photo of someone's children posing with My Little Pony and Transformer pumpkins (wtf ever happened to the uneven jagged mouthed jack-o-lantern?) I realized I am probably the only person who has never done pumpkin carving with my kids. I have no desire to. It's messy and involves using a knife and I just ... no desire. I generally just paint pumpkins with the kids (still messy, no sharp objects) which brings me to ...

2) I haven't even bought a pumpkin this year! Not one! Because ...

3) We haven't been to the pumpkin patch. I suppose we could still go but we went one year ON Halloween and there were, like, three rotten pumpkins. I'm assuming things won't be much better the day before. Besides, back in '10 when I was doing the Macaroni Kid newsletter for my area the kids and I hit up four or five patches. So technically I'm good till circa 2015.

4) I waited too long to buy a red Power Ranger costume so now a little boy is having wear his brother's hand-me-down Spiderman costume. Thankfully he's four and still seems to believe everything his brother owns or has owned is super cool.

5) Judging from pictures, I dressed as a baby (how creative of me!) at least three different times. And two of those times involved other people cross dressing. Awesome.

I can't find the third picture but I swear it exists and I'm pretty sure it was posted on Facebook at some point.

6) Of those pictures -- I believe one was taken my freshman year of high school. I know the other was during my senior year. I trick-or-treated both times. Yeah. I was that kid. BUT AT LEAST I WAS IN COSTUME.

7) I hate trunk or treats. I understand the purpose, I guess, but they've destroyed traditional trick or treating and that makes me want to kick a kitten.  These days you're lucky to find three or four houses on each street who are handing out candy.  SAD FACE.  I'm sure this year will be even worse seeing as Halloween falls on a traditional church evening.

8) A look at Halloween pre- and post-children.
 


Man, Johnson & Johnson totally nailed it with that This Changes Everything campaign, huh?

Also -- can I please have those pre-baby boobs back?  Please?  I swear I'll be nice and help old ladies cross the street and quit calling my kids assholes.

9) I'm feeling kind of stabby over the fact that Jaidan isn't having a Halloween party at school (unless they happen to send info about it today which I doubt).  NO HALLOWEEN PARTY?!? I can understand not wanting them to come in costume but no party? 

10) Finally,  I'll leave you with one of the scariest things you'll see this entire Halloween season.  I'm assuming I was around four when this picture was taken, making it 1984.  Also meaning: can't judge me for wearing it; judge my parents for letting me buy it.  Aren't we relieved that store-bought costumes have changed some since the 80's?
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