They Really Need a Parental Dress Code and Other Observations from the Mother of a First Timer


I used to work at a school.  Well,  I worked the after school program but I also some times did substitute teaching.  So I obviously didn't know about everything when it came to the inner-workings of the school system but I did know a lot.  Like, for instance, teachers gossip.  A lot.  I'm talking the lounge is like the popular girl's lunch table in the junior high school.  When Jaidan was getting ready to go to school I was all, "For the love! PLEASE be good.  Be good for your teacher and be good NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE SCHOOL.  Because, dude, the future of all Walker children in this school depends on YOU and how YOU act THIS year.  Even the FIFTH GRADE teachers are watching and they're not going to want you or your brother or your sister in their class if you're a straight up asshole."

Anyway.  This is my first year having a child in school so this is the first time I've really seen, paid attention to, whatever the whole parent angle of it.  And, people.  Lard.

Some observations:

1) When are they going to come up with a dress code for what you can wear to take your kids to school?  I'm not talking about dropping them off where you sit, all nice and cool in the AC of your overpriced, gas-guzzling SUV.  If you stay in the car, then I could care less if you take them to school naked.  Your perogative.  But these people who walk their kids to school or, at least, get out of the car and walk the kid into the building -- they are the ones I'm talking about.  I've seen more booty shorts in the past three weeks than I ever thought possible.  Which also means I've seen miles of cellulite.  Dimples might be cute on your kindergartener.  The ones on your legs?  Notsocute.  (I feel like I can speak like this because I too have cellulite.  My cellulite has cellulite.  But.  Know what?  I COVER THAT SHIT UP WHEN I TAKE MY KID TO SCHOOL).  If you want to roll out of bed and walk your kid to school in your PJ's then START SLEEPING IN YOGA PANTS. 

At the total other end of the "booty shorts" spectrum are these parents who kind of . . . dress up . . . to take their kids to school.  It's one thing if they're going to work after drop off.  But, some of these, well they aren't wearing those get ups to work unless they're swinging on a pole.  And, in that case, I'm doubtful they'll be invited to career day.  I guess I never realized that elementary school drop off could be considered a meat market which is what some of these parents seem to have in mind.  Welcome to Memphis, ya'll.

I never thought I would feel both overdressed AND underdressed by sporting my yoga-pants-and-tank-top uniform.

2) Dads are WAY more involved than they were when I was in school.  Way.  Now, my dad went to many a parent teacher conference and was involved in that way.  But these days dads are doing things like going into a work a little late to see their kids off on their first day of school.  On J's first day of school, there were just five kids in the class when we got there and FOUR dads -- two of them with fancy cameras out to snap pictures of their little ones.  Drop off and pick up is pretty much a 50/50 split between moms and dads.  The kindergarten meeting we went to a couple weeks ago, there were just as many dads there as moms.  I'm not trying to sound like I'm stereotyping dads as being the more hands-off parents.  I'm just saying they are more active than they were when I was in school.  And I think

3) Some of these dads are hot.

4) A dad wearing his younger child in a baby carrier while walking older child to school is automatically ten times hotter.  *Fans self*

Okay.  So maybe I didn't have a ton of observations to share.  And maybe I really just wanted to rant about all the booty shorts I've seen the past few weeks.  And maybe I wanted to talk just a little bit about the hottie dads.  But, there you have it, just a few observations about the Elementary School Parent from a brand new Elementary School Parent.  I'm sure there will be many, many, many more to come.
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