An Open Invitation to Prince Harry


Oh, Harry.

I'm assuming you're not one to appreciate being addressed as "your royal highness" or even "prince" so, with that in mind, I'm just going to call you Harry in this invitation.  Maybe even H-Dub? 

And, just so there's nothing uncomfortable between us, let's go on ahead and get this out of the way.  It's true.  Through my teenage years I was much more Team Wills than Team Harry.  Maybe it was his golden hair or his smile or the fact that he's closer to my age.  I'm not sure.  But, Harry, something happened over the past decade and you, my princely friend, are a Certified Hottie.  You sealed your status when you whispered to your bro during his wedding - ooh, prince Harry looking all studly AND talking when he's not supposed to?  You are a bad, bad prince, Harry.  Yes, you are.  Yes.You.Are.  It's like William got the girl (ball and chain) and the fairytale wedding (what kind of dude even cares about a wedding?) and, oh yeah, the crown (aka a whole lot of headache).  But you Harry - YOU got the title of hottie.  You get to be the bad boy.  And you, ya lucky SOB, have millions of women the world over clamoring for a look at your royal endowment.
Now.  Everyone in the world knows about your recent weekend in Vegas.  And everyone in the world - including, I'm sure, some remote native tribes on the Amazon - has gotten a starred-out peek at the family jewels.  Harry.  Harry, Harry, Harry.  I'm not even upset that you allowed yourself to get naked with a bunch of brazen hussies.  I'm not angry that you didn't stop to think that those (no doubt American) dimwits might, just MIGHT, catch a picture of your junk and sell it for millions.  But I AM ANGRY THAT YOU DID IT WITHOUT ME THERE. 

Unacceptable.  Un.acceptable.

So, this here is your chance to make things right again.

My girlfriends and I will be in Vegas in one month, the last weekend in September. Please consider this your invitation to join. If this were a proper invitation we'd address it "Harry and Guest" but this is the internet. H-Dub, your "and guest" is Ryan Lochte, mmkay? Clothing optional. For you both.

I feel like I should point out to you that we are not 20-something blondes. But, Harry, you have that all.the.time with Chelsea Davy. What you need in your life right now is a group of 30-something brunette moms with c-section scars. We appreciate your youth. We know just how to spank a naughty, naughty boy.  And, bonus, none of us are going to try to get preggers and slap some royal child support payments on you. Buh-leeeeeeve me on that one.

If that alone is not enough reason to convince you to join us, here are just a few more reasons you should accept our Vegas invitation:

1) Forget Wolfgang Puck, celebrity chefs, and all those fancy shmancy restaurants.  You have not eaten in Vegas until you have dominated a buffet with us.  Trust.
Planet Hollywood, 2010

2) Did you get tanked on the cheap beer buckets at karaoke and sing Journey in front of a crowd the last time you were in Vegas?  No?  Oh, Harry.

3) I know you have family money coming out of your ears - and all your other orficies - but still.  If you want a plastic guitar filled with 100 ounces of Rum Runner, that shit's on me!

4) According to the interview those bimbos gave to Inside Edition, you requested - and wore! - one of their bachelorette party t-shirts.  DUDE.  H-Dub!  We are the QUEENS (royalty pun totes intended) of fun t-shirts!  We usually reserve them for New Orleans (as with the picture below) but I'm totally considering having "I Came to get Naked with Harry" shirts printed before this trip.  We'll have one waiting in your size.

New Orleans, 2012
Tutu optional

5) We are here for the gang bang.

6) You just never know


7) Three little words: Donny & Marie

Finally - and most importantly - while we can't promise that you won't be getting naked, we can assure you that any pictures taken of the royal scepter (does that as a euphemisim for peepee?  Yes, no, maybe?) - and, Harry, you KNOW there WILL be pictures taken - will only be shared amongst our closest whores and not the world at large via TMZ.

See you in September!

B-Dub and Whore Island

P.S. I wasn't kidding about Ryan Lochte.  BRING HIM.
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