Toddler Torture


I am not above using the television, computers, tablets, or any of the other eight million electronics my husband has managed to collect over the duration of our marriage in order to "babysit" my boys when I have a whole of stuff to get done.  Technology is awesome.  I almost feel sorry for my own mother who, when my brother and I were kids in the 80's, had none of this stuff.  The most she could do was throw us a Walkman or turn Reading Rainbow on the TV.  And we couldn't even fast forward through the commercials!

I have approxomately eleven MILLION things to do this week.  I'm slowly but surely making my way down my to-do list.  Very, very slowly.  Slowly because . . . while the boys will allow electronic gadgets to entertain them, the girl . . . she will not.

This picture was taken about four seconds after I finished cleaning the mirror. 

And that was how yesterday went

I'll be honest and admit that sometimes I do the whole eye roll thing when people talk about stay at home moms having the toughest job on earth.  (Disclaimer: I think the job you are working is the toughest job on earth).  I generally feel this way on summer days when I'm laying out on my back patio with a Mike's Hard Lemonade at 2:00 in the afternoon while my kids are spraying each other with the water house.  Ahhh . . . stay at home motherhood . . . it's the life when you have moments like that.

Yesterday, however, it was absolutely without any sort of doubt THE TOUGHEST JOB ON EARTH.  I looked at the clock at 4:00 and had an "AYFKM" moment because it SHOULD HAVE already been bedtime.  At 4:00 yesterday afternoon I would've done anything - anything - to be sitting bored at a cubicle in some stuffy office somewhere!

I couldn't do anything!  I spent three minutes scrubbing the bathtub (because, you know, my girlfriends are soooo going to do the white glove test on my bathtub) and when I realized Karis had been quiet for all of those three minutes, I ran back into the living room to see what she was up to.  She had taken all her clothes off, got the animal crackers out of the pantry, and was helping herself to a snack.

She also managed to pee in my shoe at one point yesterday.  (This is why we don't have a pet.  Who needs  a dog when you have a toddler.  Also, at least the toddler doesn't shed).

And she repeatedly - REPEATEDLY - yanked the table cloth off the table.
And kept getting dining room chairs, scooting them to the counter, climbing up, and rooting for M&M's. 
And, basically, just undoing everything I was doing. 

I tried rocking her to sleep after lunch (putting her in her room just means I'm constantly running her back up the stairs because if the child does not want to go to sleep - regardless of how tired she is - she will.not. go to sleep) but she fought me and yelled, "No wok!  I NO WOK!" the whole time.  She finally conked out around 5:00 yesterday afternoon.  And, if you have children, then you know that was the WORST THING that could have happened.  I was faced with the choice of waking her and dealing with a grumpy toddler the remainder of the day or letting her snooze and then not going to sleep at bedtime.  I chose to wake her up.  She spent the rest of the evening whining and, in general, being a Baby Jerk.  However, her butt was in bed at 8:00 and I was able to get some of my mopping done.

I really think every single hot ass girl in this nation who wants a "baybeeee" so she can play dress up with it should have to keep a two-year-old for a day or two.  An hour or two.  Best.birth.control.EVER.
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