Stupid Metabolism


I heard on the radio once that a woman's beauty peaks at the age of 32.  I actually believe this.  You might not be as firm as in your 20's but, by that time, most women have developed their "honey badger don't give a shit" attitude.  Where the firm thighs leave off, the confidence picks up.  Confidence is attractive. 

I turn 32 in May.  Which means I should be smoking hot come May 19th -- and for the 365 days that follow -- but then it's all downhill from there.  Yeah, that doesn't suck or anything. 

Want to know something else that happens in your 30's?  Your metabolism slows down.  This possibly sucks even more than realizing you're only going to get uglier.

You know how most college students pack on the "freshman 15" during their first semester of school thanks to lots of delivered pizza and beer at frat parties?  Ever the overacheiver, I gained my freshman 15 during my senior year of high school.  I started college at my highest weight ever and spent my first semester eating daily doses of Whataburger (what?  I was living in Texas for the first time in my life.  I was going to enjoy the Whataburger!) and packing on more and more pounds.  My second semester of school, I was all "nuh-uh, oh no, no more."  I have no idea how much weight I lost -- I'm not even sure I ever stepped on a scale -- but I began the semester busting out of size 14's and refusing to buy size 16's (and I was in a land of size 0's and 2's - ouch).  I ended a size 8/10.  I lost a lot of weight.  And in less than a semester.  And all I did was start working out daily and substituted Subway for Whataburger and ate a lot of Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice. 

I would never, ever in my life want to be 18 again.  But I would love to have that metabolism back.

I can't lie: when I started this diet (less than two weeks ago!) I really expected to lose 4-5 pounds in the first week.  That's how things have gone for me in the past.  Sure, it's all water weight.  But who cares?  Pounds off the scale!  Well, I only lost two pounds in the first week.  I was okay with that - not ecstatic, but okay - because I was thinking I could keep that up and my seven pounds would be gone before the end of January.

I lost 1.4 pounds this week.

Stupid metabolism.

Yeah, yeah.  A loss is still a lossAt least it's not a gain!  Slow and steady.  Yadda, yadda.  I get it.  But I'm still irritated.  WHY CAN I NOT HAVE THE METABOLSIM OF MY 20'S AGAIN?  WHY DID I NOT APPRECIATE THAT METABOLISM WHEN I HAD IT?  Why, in the past, would I complain about only losing two pounds in a week?  (Yes, I realize the difference in 2 lbs and 1.4 lbs is not that substantial but I'm not being rational right now -- it's 27 degrees outside this morning, my 3-year-old woke me up at 5:45 this morning, and Jay-Z's "Glory" is on a Yahoo poll for best lullaby along with Beautiful Boy and Isn't She Lovely and I'm wondering if people really - REALLY - believe his stupidity belongs on the same level with John Lennon and Stevie Wonder). 

Stupid metabolism.
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