99 Problems and Now Bitch is One


I'm not sure there's a word in the English language to adequately describe just how much I do not care about Jay-Z, Beyonce, their ill-named spawn, their (alleged) Satanic worship, or the fact that they dropped a million dollars to "secure" a hospital floor when what they really should've done was flown their medical team to some small town in Iowa where no one would've known - or cared - who they were.  I could care less if she was actually pregnant or used a surrogate and you won't find me leading the charge to burn her at the stake for *gasp* having a c-section.

But you know what I do kind of care about?

That it takes the birth of his daughter for a 42-year-old man to realize that maybe - maybe - it's not such a great idea to refer to women as 'bitches' based soley on their gender.  Really, now, Mr. Carter?  Really?  You're middle aged.  You were brought into this world by a woman.  You are married (to a woman).  And it takes the birth of your daughter to understand misogyny?  Wow.  Bet your mom and wife are so proud.

Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich,
I didn’t think hard about using the word B—-.
I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it
now with my daughter in this world
I curse those that give it.
I never realized while on the fast track
that I’d give riddance to the word bitch, to leave her innocence in tact.
No man will degrade her, or call her out her name
the women won’t despise her and call her the same.
I know it’s gonna miss me
cuz we been together like Nike Airs and crisp tees
when we all used to hang out front
singing 99 problems but a lady ain’t one.
I'll be honest and tell you all that I know way more about the Beyonce-Jay-Z-Baby Blue saga than I would ever in a MILLION YEARS wish to know.  And if I've learned anything in the past few days it's that they're both graduates of the Kanye West/ Chris Brown School of There's No Such Thing as Bad Publicity.  They've just been stupid . . . from thinking they are important enough to request security cameras be covered to his releasing a song that included the "n" word and the line "I had a child with the child from Destiny's Child."  Just . . . stupid. 

But his latest idiocy really just takes the cake.  I want to smack him with one of Tim Tebow's cleats while shouting, "you are FORTY TWO years old.  FOR.TY.TWO."  Most kindergarteners know better than to use the B-word.  If it takes you until middle age then perhaps you shouldn't be breeding in the first place.

Look, Mr. Carter, we all know this is another publicity stunt and we also know it's not going to hold up (and, fyi, using "ho" to describe all women is just offensive).  Can you please just go hide in your multi-million dollar penthouse, enjoy your daughter, buy her more gold plated horses from Japan, and SHUT UP for a few minutes? Kthanks.
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