Honeymoon: Take One

Today the husband and I are here:

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And I'm probably humming "toes in the water, ass in the sand" while my toes ARE in the water and my ass IS in the sand.  And I'm probably missing my kids but still not wanting to leave that little bit of paradise.  Ahhhh.

Since we're on Honeymoon: Take Two, I thought I'd use today to share a few pictures from our Honeymoon: Take One.

Four years ago, right around this time of year, we spent a few days in southern California and Las Vegas.  We spent a night in Hollywood, went to Knott's Berry Farm, saw the sights of Vegas, caught a Clippers game, and checked out the Santa Monica Pier.

Knott's Berry Farm

While we were here - at an amusement park sans kids! - I drug Eddie on every single roller coaster and thrill ride they had.  It was the last time I rode a roller coaster that didn't have cars shaped like shoes or feature Goofy.  Sigh.

 

Oh, Vegas.  I heart you.

 

 

We drove from Vegas to LA the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Biggest mistake ever.  HOLY TRAFFIC, BATMAN.  I spent the time taking roughly 934923092 pictures through the Mojave Desert.

 

Clippers game!

 

At the Staples Center

 

Our last night, we still hadn't made it to the ocean.  I had seen Wilshire Blvd and the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  I had eaten an In-n-Out burger (sorry, California folk but NO THANK YOU) and Roscoe's chicken and waffles.  I had experienced LA traffic.  But I hadn't dipped my toes in the Pacific and I wasn't going home until I did.  Even though we only had a few hours until we had to catch our plane, we made our way over to the Santa Monica Pier and I was finally able to say I'd been to the Pacific Ocean!





 

Now, here's hoping for this trip we've managed to get more pictures of the two of us together!

We Came to Get Naked with Harry



He wasn't there, as the lady at the crepe station at The Flamingo so rudely informed me.  But we had our shirts.  And they.were.awesome.



It was amazing - AMAZING, ya'll! - the number of guys we ran into who were named Harry!

And while our favorite Brit wasn't anywhere to be found, we did manage to find one of my personal favorite things in the whole wide world.

GUYS IN KILTS.



The one on the end there, hugged up to my girl Dana, was American.  His friend though?  Scottish.  With the panty-dropper accent.  He was also drunk.  So drunk. 



All in all, our shirts had a really good run.  The only thing that could've made them better?  Harry.  Of course.

There's a Party in my Tummy . . . So Yummy, So Yummy

Truth: the #1 reason we congregate in Vegas (and New Orleans) every year is for the company.  We want to see each other.  We want to hang out.  We want a break from reality for a little while.  The reason we choose Vegas (and New Orleans)?  The FOOD, baby.  The food.  New Orleans beats Vegas, hands down, in the food department.  But Vegas IS the buffet capital of the world and, well, no complaints here.

Posing - and sucking it in - before throwing down on some brunch



We are fans - big fans - of the Buffet of Buffets pass.  $45 (with a player rewards card) gets you access to six different buffets during a 24 hour period.  Some years we've managed to make it to four different buffets using this pass; sometimes it's just three.  Even when it's three -- that comes out to $15 a meal for all you can eat.  Come on, now.  Can't beat that!

We started Saturday with the mimosa brunch at Paris.

I heart food.

I big pink puffy heart food.



Since it was, you know, brunch and all I started out with breakfast foods.  Then graduated onto lunch.  Then some dessert.  I looked like I was about six months pregnant when I left the buffet.  Get in my belly!

My favorites were the eggs benedict, corn beef and hash, pork roast, and CREME BRULEE.  Ermagerd.  The creme brulee was a mouthgasm.  They also served quiche (I wasn't in love with it but a friend of mine really enjoyed it), made-to-order crepes (I just couldn't stand in the long line), and had a cheese tray (oh, come to Mama).

Would you believe we weren't hungry again for SEVERAL hours?  I KNOW!

Dinner that night was at the Rio.

Please notice the BROCCOLI on my #TEAMCARBS plate.  Kthanksbye.



This buffet literally  has pretty much every type of food you can imagine.  I - obviously - stuck with American food (ya'll!  I had FOUR different types of potatoes on my plate!  And a corndog!  And buffalo wings!) but my dessert was some muy delicioso gelato.  I couldn't decide between flavors so I went with chocolate and mango.  The chocolate kicked the mango's ass but then I tried Sally's coconut and, well, it gave the chocolate a run for it's money.

Our final buffet stop was Sunday morning's brunch.  We stayed at the Flamingo and decided to give their breakfast a go.

To give you some perspective - we waited in a long line to eat at Paris on Saturday.  A long line.  There was no line at Flamingo.  Shoulda realized.

Complaint #1 - Mimosas were not included with the brunch.  You could purchase them individually -- at $4 a pop.  Or you could buy an "unlimited" amount for $10.  I went with the unlimited.  Big mistake.  It took for-freaking-ever for me to even get my first mimosa.  Then four weeks past forever to get the second.  And, yeah, that's all I had.  TWO.  I got gypped, ya'll!

Complaint #2 - The food.  It was . . . it was not good.  The breakfast-y foods were all right but everything else was either so-so or downright yuck. 

Complaint #3 - THERE WAS NO CHOCOLATE IN THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN.  How?  How, how, how do you have a chocolate fountain with no chocolate?

So The Buffet Tour 2012 came to a dismal end but the Paris and Rio buffets definitely made up for the Flamingo!



Dahlia and I were the only two left Sunday night -- for our final meal.  We declared it Mexican Night (Ole!) and decided to check out the fun that is Carlos 'n Charlie's and Senor Frog's.  I have been to both in Cozumel, loved both, and was SO EXCITED.

Let's talk Carlos 'n Charlie's first.  Oh, CnC's!  You disappointed me so much!

D and I each had a margarita and those were Pretty Damn Good.  We decided to split the appetizer sampler plate (a sampler plate that had a $25 pricetag!!!) and were so, so disappointed.  The mozzarella sticks were good.  Everything else was just . . . no.  They put canned cheese sauce on their nachos, people.  CANNED CHEESE SAUCE.  I'm talking the kind of cheese you find on the nachos you buy at a junior high basketball game.  WHO DOES THAT?  So the food was bland and the atmosphere?  So not what I was expecting.  Maybe we went to early, who knows, but there wasn't a whole ton of fun going on while we were there.

On the flip side, Senor Frogs?

SO MUCH FUN.



I was really tired - don't ask why - which was a serious shame because had I really been feeling like myself . . . oh Lard. 

Shortly after we walked in the door, the infamous Senor Frog's conga line started and we had tequila shot into our mouths.  Balloon hats were passed out.  The band was lively and the crowd was fun.  Shortly after we were seated, the tequila shots came out again.  My chair was tilted back and they shot (very weak) tequila right into my mouth.  Again: SO MUCH FUN.

We ordered chicken nachos and were delivered a HUGE ASS plate of nachos that we couldn't even begin to make a dent into.  They were much tastier than any of the slop they tried to feed us at CnC's though.  Senor Frogs won the battle of Mexican night hands down.  The food, the atmosphere, the fun. 

The Time I Went to Vegas and Slept More Than a Couple Hours a Night

 

My flight from Salt Lake City to Vegas on Friday landed me in an aisle seat beside two girls who, I'm pretty sure, were born in the 90's.  (Not that this has anything to do with ANYthing, but one of them was wearing a pair of Gucci shoes.  They were so terrible that I couldn't help but stare and wonder what exactly she was thinking when she plucked them off the rack at TJ Maxx.  Was in the $24.99 price sticker that made her buy them?  Was she that much of a label whore that she was cool having a super ugly pair of shoes just because they were made by Gucci?)  Anyhow.  They were ratting on and on about where they were going to go that night and what they were going to wear.  "I think I'll wear that red dress but I need to borrow your gold shoes.  Or maybe I'll wear the black and silver one.  Or should I wear the blue backless?"  And all I could think about was how I could NOT wait to get to my hotel, put on my jammies, and watch Dateline with some of my favorite girls.

This was, hands down, the most chill Vegas trip.  Ever.



We ate.
We drank.
We hung out by the pool.
We tried to get naked with Harry.
We saw guys in kilts. (!!!!!  I love guys in kilts)
We just had a really great time.

Believe it or not, I only took a little over 50 pictures on this trip.  A little over 50!  People.  There are only so many pictures you can take of yourself throwing down at the buffet or laying by the pool with a cocktail. 

This trip may have been a lot different from other Vegas trips.  But I was thankful to have the time to relax and to catch up with my girls and to see guys in kilts and to advertise that I was there to get naked with Harry.

The Evolution of a Girl's Trip

Before we get onto the actual meat of this entry (theme: I'M LEAVING FOR VEGAS IN A FEW HOURS!!!!111!!!), let's talk about something real quick.

My boy - who is not quite six - came home from school yesterday with a girl's phone number.

Said girl called him last night.

No.  No, no, no.  Too fast!  Too fast!  Somebody pour me a drink!

Anyway.  Moving on.

We were in the NEX the other day.  The Swarovski crystal guy was there doing a promotion and giving away a free necklace.  He gave a ticket each to me, Eddie, Kyan, and Karis.  When it came time to listen to his spill there were two people -- me and one other guy.  I had my four tickets; Other Guy had one.  So when it came time to draw a ticket for the free necklace, well, HELLO.  I had a four out of five chance of winning.  FOUR OUT OF FIVE.  And guess what?  I didn't win.  All I could do was laugh.  Who loses with odds like that?  This, my friends, this is why I do not gamble!

I won't be doing any of the gaming in Vegas this weekend.  (Okay, so I might lose about 10 bucks in the slots but that's it).  This will be my fourth girls trip to Vegas and I've never gone for the gambling.  The pool? Absolutely.  The drinks? You know it.  The company? Better believe it.  The food? Oh yes, please, come to MAMA. 

I was thinking the other day about how much our girls trips have evolved in the past few years. 

Let me give you a pictoral view:

2009

We were there two nights

Both nights? Dresses and heels

2010

We were there four nights

Three nights - dresses and heels

2011

We were there four nights

Dresses and heels - only ONE night

Which brings us to 2012, this year, TODAY.

We will be there three nights.

There is not one single shoe with a heel in my suitcase.  Every shoe I've packed is flatter than Kristen Stewart's chest and I could not be happier.  The only dress in my suitcase is hardly club appropriate.  There are shorts and bathing suits and I am so glad we've adapted this "casual Vegas" policy.

The world is a much better place when you're more worried about comfort than cute.  Some things about getting older sooo definitely ROCK.

An Open Invitation to Prince Harry

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Coast to Coast 2012: Grand Canyon!

I didn't post much (any at all really) about our trip going to California.  But that's because the most exciting thing about it was we were so far south in Texas that I pointed to the kids and said, "Hey look, that's Mexico."  Oh, and we went through two border checks.  And in one of them the border guard was kinda hot but my husband rolled his eyes when I pulled out a "how YOU doin'" in my best Joey Tribiani voice.

But the ride home . . . the first half of the ride home . . . was much more exciting.  The second half of the ride home took us through Amarillo and Oklahoma City and Little Rock and I won't be writing anymore than THAT about it.

We left California Saturday morning and were VEGAS bound.  Eddie spent several years there growing up and wanted to take the kids through his old stomping grounds.  We also had every intention of taking the kids to the strip until we came to our senses and realized that it was a SATURDAY in the SUMMER and that it would take us approxomately 23903249 hours to get to the strip and then equally as long to find parking.  (Not to mention the fact that I get all indignant and red-faced and "wtf" when I see people with their children on the Vegas strip).  So, in the end, the kids got the "Daddy Tour" of the city, had the strip pointed out to them, and then we stopped at Del Taco (much to the chagrin of two assholes in the backseat who wanted Taco Bell EVEN THOUGH WE CAN EAT THAT AT HOME [seriously, I'm going to have to work on the whole you don't eat shit you can eat at home when you're on vacation thing with them]) for lunch and to see my friend Casey who was also in Sin City.

After leaving Vegas we made a stop at the Hoover Dam.  I was amazed at the beauty of Lake Mead.  This is a seriously gorgeous lake.  I live in Tennessee where lakes and rivers alike are muddy and brown and kind of gross and the thought of swimming in the lakes around here conjures up thoughts of ecoli.  And that's the NICEST thought it conjures.

Eddie and I were all "HOOVER DAM!  HELL YEAH!" and the kids were all like, "it's so hot!" and "what's a damn?" and "this is booooring!"  95% of this trip was awesome and amazing and wonderful.  The 5% that sucked was the attitudes of 3/4 of the backseat when we were at Hoover Damn.

Nice pic with the trash can there!

We ended up driving to Flagstaff, Arizona, that evening because the next day's destination was the GRAND CANYON.

I had never been before.  And you know what?  The Grand Canyon was everything I thought it would be.  Beautiful.  Breathtaking.  Amazing.  

The ONLY family pic we got the whole trip!



The Grand Canyon should be on everybody's bucket list!