It's a Wonderful Life

Don't you get the sense tonight

That for now the world is right

And as another Christmas ends

My mind drifts and once again

I'm thinking like a six-year-old

Only 364 360days to go

 

It always comes and goes so fast, doesn't it?  I feel like we should still be in the thick of summertime and yet, here we are, another Christmas come and gone.

 

Things were very low-key for us this year.  Christmas Eve was the five of us (my stepdaughter was with her mother and her family) and enough food for twenty.  The kids each opened one present - their Christmas jammies - before bed.  We sprinkled reindeer food on the yard and tracked Santa on NORAD and left cookies and Coke Zero for the big guy.

 

I woke up at 5:30 on Christmas morning, made a Christmas tree out of cinnamon rolls, and waited, waited, waited for the kids to wake up.  I finally got Jaidan up at 7:00 and he quickly woke up every one else in the house.  Presents were opened and Kyan proved why Christmas was practically invented for four-year-olds with his proclamations of "THAT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!" about every.single.thing he opened. 

 

Karis refused to open any of her presents.  The boys each got a pair of Razorback slippers and Karis seemed to think these were Stompeez.  This caused a few tears on her part and, "I wan' STOMPEEEEZ!," a fit that was finally resolved when her dream pet was opened for her.  Apparently any infomertial crap would suffice.  She was a happy girl, though, when she opened up her new puppy.  Not only has the dog gone everywhere with her but she's also been carting around the box it was packaged in.  That girl.  Good thing she's pretty . . .

 

Christmas at my grandmother's house was cancelled but she dropped by our presents on her way to North Carolina.  She and my Aunt Sue and Uncle Tom stayed for a few minutes while the kids tore into yet a few more presents.  Later in the morning we Skyped with my mom so she could see the kids opening their gifts from her.  We spent the remainder of the day playing with new toys, laying around, eating, and waiting for Storme and Cheyenne to drive in from Arkansas.

 

 

As is usually the case, some gifts were much more appreciated and played with than others.  Kyan had been asking for a Spiderman Stunt City for months - literally, months - and the thing has been played with a total of about twenty minutes since Tuesday morning.  On the other hand, everyone has enjoyed Jaidan's Batman Batcave and Kare Bear's Barbie car.  Santa also gifted us four different board games.  Our favorite?  Fibber.  Seriously.  Go buy this game.  Go buy it now.  You don't even need kids to enjoy it. 

 

We didn't have a white Christmas in Memphis.  We did, however, wake up to this the morning of the 26th:

 



 

My home state of Arkansas was hit with record snowfall.  My Facebook feed was full of pictures of yard sticks a foot deep in the snow.  We just got a small dusting, though, and you know what?  No complaints here!  It was plenty for the kids.  Kyan woke up saying, "now it's REALLY Christmas!" and Karis kept dragging me to the door and saying, "Wook, Mommy, SHNOW!"  Last year the kids got hats and gloves in their stockings and we didn't have any snowfall all winter.  This year I was so unprepared that they wore socks on their hands!  Mommy fail. 

 

All in all, we had a really great Christmas.  There were a few glitches in plans.  But, man, it was great to lay around on Christmas day.  It was wonderful spending a few days with Storme and Cheyenne.  And the best thing was the joy in my kids' eyes.  There's just something about Christmas morning with toys everywhere and wrapping paper all over the place that shows you just what a wonderful life it is.

 

 





The Joy

Every time a toy commercial comes on, regardless of what it's for ("girl" toys aside, natch), one of my boys exclaims, "I WANT THAT!"  Then the other yells, "NO!  *I* WANT THAT!"  Then the other yells, "WELL, *I* WANTED IT FIRST!" and then it snowballs into a good old fashioned Walker family wrasslin' match. Commercialism at it's finest; seen in everyone this time of year and perfected by the Eight and Under crowd.

More than anything I want my children to understand the true meaning of Christmas.  I want them to comprehend that we celebrate the birth of a Saviour not the GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME culture society promotes.  I'm not always the best example of the values I want them to espouse, especially considering that I finished shopping for them the weekend after Thanksgiving and had to practically hide my debit card to keep from buying more, more, more.  But, still, we talked - and talked a lot - about the real meaning of Christmas.  We stressed that GIVING is so much more important than GETTING.  We spent the past week sprinkling random acts of kindness around our community.  But I wondered if my boys, at ages four and six, were really, truly getting it.

Then.  Saturday afternoon.  Jaidan grabbed copy paper and his colored pencils.  He sat at the kitchen table and worked on drawing picture after picture.  Later, I found him with wrapping paper scraps and a roll of duct tape (we redneck 'em up young 'round these parts, y'all) "wrapping" the little presents he had made.  He careful wrote "to MomMom" (that's supposed to be MawMaw) on one and then added a hand full of change to another and addressed it to "Chien" (Cheyenne, a cousin).  The gifts cost nothing (well, except for the approximately 37 cents in the package for Cheyenne) but they are just so precious sitting under our tree.  They are gifts that came from his heart, gifts he poured himself into.  They prove that he understands the joy you can find in giving.  And, man, that's such a gift for me as his mother. 

Thing is, he doesn't even "get" that this makes me all weepy and emotional (yeah, I KNOW.  This time of year just does that to me) as his mom.  He only knows that he loves his Mawmaw and he thinks Cheyenne is pretty cool and he wanted to give them something.  He knows that receiving gifts feels good and he wanted to make them smile.  It doesn't get much more "Christmas" than that.

Today there will be food (so much food!) and wine (so much wine!) and one present opened before bed and tracking Santa on NORAD and sprinkling reindeer food on the lawn and leaving out cookies and milk Coke Zero for the Big Guy and thinking we've spotted Rudolph's nose.  Tomorrow will be "SANTA'S BEEN HERE!" and wrapping paper strewn all over the living room.  It'll be cinnamon rolls and trying to get the casserole in the oven.  It'll be over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go.  And, when it's all said and done, it's likely that I'll be exhausted (so much exhaustion!) but it'll all be worth it.  To see their smiles.  To witness their joy.  To experience Christmas through their eyes.  And, this year, seeing that my six-year-old truly gasps what a wonderful gift it is to give.  Does it really get any better?

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

I Hope My Neighbors, Family, and Friends are Ready for Some Diabetes!

So you've no doubt seen one of the 68964 "How to Beat the Holiday Bulge!" articles, right? They say things like, "take carrot sticks to that holiday party and munch on those while you pass by the tray of chocolate truffles" and "eat a healthy meal before you go so that you're too full to stuff yourself with reindeer shaped cookes." Yeah. Then there's me who's all, "here, have a cookie" and "the world is supposed to end today. Let's go out fat and happy!"

Yes. Baking-palooza 2012 officially kicked off yesterday. The unofficial kickoff was Wednesday when I mixed up five different types of cookie dough in order to save time and my dishwasher's motor. Yesterday, though, we dove elbow deep into flour and frosting and got our "cookie" on. Today we'll tackle the candy side of things. Yum, yum.

If I had to choose one Christmas tradition to pass along to my children it would easily be our baking days.  There is something that just seems right about rolling out and frosting and melting and dipping  while Alabama sings Christmas in Dixie.

Every year I say I'm not going to do as much, not going to go all out.
Every year I lie.

This year I had planned on a batch of fudge and some peppermint bark and, of course, a round of sugar cookies for the kids.  In the end it was . . . well, it was Baking-palooza.  This is what we are making, have made, or will make:

Sugar cookies
Gingerbread men
Chocolate chip cookies stuffed with Rolos (better in theory than in taste, FYI)
Chocolate chip M&M cookies
Tuxedo cookies
Peanut butter blossoms
Hello Dollies
Chocolate covered Christmas crackers (named by Jaidan last year -- these are Ritz crackers with peanut butter, dipped in chocolate and they are my most FAVORITE THING EVER ABOUT CHRISTMAS.  Presents?  The joy on my kids' faces?  Meh. Give me my Christmas crackers!)
Oreo peppermint bark
Chocolate covered Oreos
Chocolate dipped pretzel rods
Cake balls
Fudge
Ranch oyster crackers

Overboard? Me?  Nah.

My main helper in Baking-palooza is six-years-old (the four-year-old could pretty much care less and the two-year-old is a FABULOUS taste tester) so most of our stuff looks rather, shall we say interesting.  But it's the memories we're making that matter.  It's the fact that maybe, one of these days, these kids will be in the kitchens of homes they own with children they made rolling out and frosting while Alabama sings Christmas in Dixie.  Oh, and it's also a great big mess but we don't have to talk about that.

** Part of our goodies were handed out yesterday to our mail lady.  We'll be giving some today to the sanitation workers and also plan to take a meat and cheese tray to our local fire department (I figure they're probably sick of sweets!) Please consider doing something - anything - as a random act of kindness in honor of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting.  You can read more about the #26acts campaign right here.

We're Gonna Have the Hap-Hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny F*cking Kaye!

I should have taken it as an omen of sorts.

Monday night, Jaidan informed that he no longer cared about Jesus or Santa Claus and wanted to instead celebrate "that holiday with the eight candles." I laughed it off, told him I might see if I could make him some latkes later in the week, and for a fleeting moment wondered what it said about my parenting if my kindergartener was already seeking to change his religion. Funny enough, I remember going through a phase where I told my own parents that I was going to convert to Judaism. After all, temples sounded more "fun" than just plain old church ...

Seriously, OMEN. I should've cancelled our Tuesday plans and declared that it was going to be life as usual in our house.

You see, I decided that I was going to create a little bit of magic for my children yesterday. I was going to keep Jaidan home from school and we were going to have pictures done with Santa, eat lunch out somewhere, and maybe even grab cupcakes before heading home.  Maybe, I thought in my head, I can turn this into a tradition.  Maybe I can offer a day off school in exchange for a picture with Santa when they're 12, 13, and beyond. 

I was going to be able to come here today and write a post about new traditions and the magic of the holiday season and the fabulous day I had with my children.

Yeah, about that.

Yesterday was not magical and yesterday was not fun. Oh and about yesterday? It sucked. If I happen to dredge up this blog post next year or the next when I'm contemplating doing it again, well, here's you a little message future self: "DON'T DO IT!"

We head to Bass Pro Shop every year for Santa pictures.  I can't stress enough how much we appreciate the service they offer during the holidays.  Santa pictures are free.  Free!  Considering they run roughly $86.52 per 5x7 at the mall, well, you can't beat free.  Not only do they have free pictures, they also have arts and crafts, games set up, and toys out the kids can play with.  We've gone every year since we've been in Memphis.  It's a great time.

Overall, we had a pretty good time at BPS.  There were very few other kids there so my crew pretty much had the run of the place.



I hesitate to really say anything bad about BSP because I feel like, you know, they don't have to do everything they do.  Most places would at least charge five bucks for a picture and certainly wouldn't have games and toys spread out.  That said: their Santa this year was Lamey McLamerson with extra Lamesauce.  When Kyan told him he wanted a "Spiderman Stunt City" he asked if he wanted it on DVD or CD and when Kyan told him it was a toy he said something about not realizing they made Spiderman toys.  What the what?  He then called Jaidan "Jacob" the whole time and, well, I'll let Karis's picture do the talking on how she felt about the Big Guy.

 

 

 

Ah, yeah.

 

Three children.  Santa pictures since 2006.  First "lost their shit" picture we've had.  I was expecting it but it still broke my heart and I could feel the Judgy McJudgerson eyes of the people behind us in line. 

 

Honestly, the Bass Pro part of our day was pretty good.  The weird-o Santa aside, it was a good time.  Everyone had fun and the attitudes were in check and all that.  Later on in the day, though, after lunch, we decided to go to the mall.  I wouldn't let the boys ride on the little coin-operated kiddie rides.  Then I didn't get Jaidan a drink.  Then we ran to Target and, when the boys got in an argument, I made them put back the treat they'd picked out from the dollar bins.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but as I got them back in the car outside of Target, I was really upset.

 

My feelings were hurt.

 

I had planned a fun day.  I let J take a day off of school.  We saw Santa Claus and played with all the toys and games at Bass Pro Shop.  I took them to lunch at everybody's favorite place.  We had Frosty's from Wendy's and even a big cookie from the mall.  But all they could see were the things they didn't get to have or do.  It really kind of broke my heart.

 

You see, I honestly believe one of the worst things would be for my children to grow up feeling entitled or ungrateful.  Right now, at six, four, and two, maybe they don't really get it yet.  But just the thought of them growing up to think the world owes them something, it makes my heart hurt.  There's a saying that we aren't raising children, we're raising future adults.  It's so true, isn't it?  And, really, there aren't too many things in this world as bad as an entitled snot of an adult.

 

A couple weeks ago, Karis and I were walking out of the mall just as a family with a young boy was walking in.  The boys eyes got SO BIG and he shouted, "Wow!  It's a . . . a . . . WONDERLAND in here!'  He was walking into Sears!  And I guess, yesterday afternoon - two weeks later - I was thinking about that little boy because I was expecting a little bit of that amazement from my own kids.  Believe me, I know better than to compare my children to others.  But I was really hoping for a little bit of that wide-eyed wonderment.

 

There's really no way to tie this entry up with a pretty bow.  Yesterday wasn't anything like what I'd hoped it would be.  My kids hurt my feelings.  I worry that I'm raising children who are well on the way to being overly entitled.  And maybe, just maybe, my kid had the right idea with the whole conversion to Judaism thing!

25 Days of Christmas

I love the whole idea of the Elf on the Shelf.

I do not, however, like that elf.  He's creepy looking.  I don't want him perched on my mantle or sledding through my shaving cream or staging marshmallow fights with my daughter's Barbies.

We don't have Elf on the Shelf in my house.  We do have a $5 Grinch doll I bought at Kohl's a few years ago.  And he's sort of like a bootleg Elf on the Shelf.  He works for the same purposes and, even though he has yellow eyes, he is nowhere near as creepy looking as that damn elf.

Since Christmas of 2010, my kids and I have done "25 Days of Christmas," where we do a different Christmas-related activity every day of December.  Last year we added the element of the Grinch.  Not only does he watch the kids and report to Santa when they're being straight up a-holes, but he also brings a note every day with their "25 Days of Christmas" activity.  Works for us.

We started a little early this year
First activity: decorate the tree!



I thought I'd share a few of the "25 Days of Christmas" activities we've done in years past just in case any of you might be interested. 

1) Decorate the Christmas tree
2) Make lists for or write letters to Santa Claus
3) Clean out toys to donate -- and to make room for new ones
4) Make some sort of Christmas candy (we usually do this once a week -- we make peppermint bark, fudge, chocolate covered pretzels, cake balls, etc)
5) Elf Yourself!
6) Watch a Christmas movie (another weekly thing 'round these parts)
7) Send your kids a personalized video from Santa
8) Make gingerbread men
9) *Insert craft project here* Yeah, this is another weekly thing.  My kids love construction paper, scissors, glue, and making messes.  I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to things for them to do during the holidays.
10) Drive around to look at Christmas lights
11) Have pictures taken with Santa Claus
12) Put together a gingerbread house
13) Make reindeer food
14) Have a cookie decorating party
15) Make Polar Express hot chocolate (and, you know, maybe watch Polar Express while sipping it)
16) North Pole breakfast! (we did this one last year and it was such a huge hit)
17) Make and deliver goodies to your neighbors
18) Go see a performance of The Nutcracker or a Christmas play or even a church cantata
19) Read the biblical Christmas story
20) Read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (this is my favorite Christmas book EVER.  I tried reading it to my kids last year but they were still too young to be interested.  Crossing my fingers for this year!)
21) Make your own advent calendars (I've been using this one since my days of working at an after school program.  Love it!)
22) Make a trip to a community tree lighting or other holiday festival
23) Talk about different Christmas traditions around the world or other December holidays
24) On Christmas Eve, track Santa on NORAD.
25) Christmas jammies!  Unwrap them on Christmas Eve and cuddle up to watch Home Alone or Christmas Vacation before settling down for a long winter's nap.

Tradition

For as long as I can remember, my family has had one very special Christmas tradition.  After the presents were all opened and the living room was littered with wrapping paper, we took a package bow and stuck it to PawPaw's head. 

PawPaw was not there to celebrate Christmas with us this year.  I know that the bow was on all of our minds and I'm so thankful for my Uncle Tom thought of an amazing way for us to carry on our tradition.  We went to the cemetary Christmas afternoon.  And we took a bow with us.

PawPaw's stone is not in yet so we took the bow and placed it on his grave marker.

Then Storme made us all laugh.  And we were sad but we knew PawPaw wouldn't want any tears or blubbering or carrying on.

It's sad that this has to be our tradition now, there's no doubt about that.  But I'm glad we still have some sort of tradition with the bow.  I like to think it made that Small Town Southern Man smile and I hope it's something we really do continue every year on out. 

The Magic

I was laying in bed Christmas night, all cuddled up with my laptop, some reheated potato casserole, and a Coke Zero, watching the same holiday episodes of Friends Nick at Nite had been showing for two weeks.  And it hit me.  The post-Christmas let down.  All the planning and shopping, the cooking and baking, the anticipation.  Gone.  Over.  366 days to go.

I am full aware that we are in the thick of the best days when it comes to Christmas with our kids.  We have a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a one-year-old (and, of course, the eleven-year-old but she ceases to count as much in the "magic" factor due to asking for only clothes and money when it came to making her Christmas list).  Our children believe easily.  Christmas is full of magic and wonder.  I love it but I also know these days are fleeting.  Jaidan will start kindergarten next August and there's a good chance some playground punk will spill the beans about Santa.  This could be the last year all my children believe in Santa.  That makes me want to cry!

It seems like just yesterday that I went to bed on Christmas Eve night after sitting out gifts for a two month old's very first visit from Santa.  Now that two month old is five.  And a big brother.  Two times over.  I'm sure this, the now - the magic and the believing - will go by just as fast.  I'm probably going to wake up tomorrow as the mother of teenagers who demand gift cards or money because they claim there's no way I, in all my middle age-ness, can pick out jeans or boots or whatever that fit their tastes. 

But this Christmas . . . this Christmas, we had our little people who believe easily and will scurry to bed at the very thought that Mom and Dad might see Rudolph's blinking red nose outside.  This Christmas was magical and just about close to perfect.  Even though I never did get to make it to end of Twas the Night Before Christmas because a certain husband had too much wine with Christmas Eve dinner and kept adding fifth grade level commedic relief to the story (think snoring during long winter's nap).

We celebrated with three separate gift orgies this year.  Christmas Eve was Gigi's turn.  We cooked dinner for at least thirty which was crazy seeing as there were all of eight of us there!  Eddie fried a turkey and he's still talking about that damm bird.  We go through this every single Christmas.  I'll give him this one though -- that turkey was, for lack of a better phrase, the shit.

We did dinner and gifts.  Cars, clothes, shopping carts, baby dolls.  But, hands down, the most popular gift was the football uniforms the boys got.  Karis kept putting one of the helmets on and whenever we tried to take it off she yelled at us.  "Hey!"  She may have been cuddling baby dolls but she was doing it with a football helmet on . . .

Gift Orgy #2 began Christmas morning.  6:30.

Confession: I couldn't sleep Christmas Eve night.  It was after midnight before I was finally able to settle down and drift off.  Then I was up by 4:30.  I WAS SO EXCITED! 

Santa did some spoiling this year.  But we've kind of come to expect it -- the jolly guy has grown to be pretty predictable.  Being three this Christmas, Kyan's expressions were absolutely precious and priceless.  Everything he opened was greeted with a gasp of surprise and a squeal of joy.  And his snuggie even earned an "I Gotta Snuggie" dance.  Gawd.  I love three year olds.

The "big" and final gift for the older three we made them all unwrap at the same time:

Tablets!

Holy excited kids!

We didn't have to be at my grandma's until 3:00 that afternoon so we were able to spend a good chunk of the morning just playing.  Or doing things like this:



Every year before Christmas I daydream about spending the day in our pajamas just lounging around the house.  Playing with new toys and eating leftovers and not caring that wrapping paper is strewn all over the house.  But you know what?  There's no way I would miss spending the day with my family at my grandmother's house.  It's about 5-6 hours round trip and we only spend about three hours there.  But?  Worth it. 

Especially since this year it was warm enough for the kids to run and play out in the fields.

The kids played with their cousins, Storme and I ate on the back porch like we did when we were kids, we took a trip to the cemetary to spend part of the holiday with PawPaw, and then it was Presents: Round I Lost Count.

The kids, once again, made out when it came to gifts.  Kyan's Buzz Lightyear was easily the most popular toy.  My favorites?  A tie.  I love Karis's little Razorback cheerleader outfit.  But I'm also a huge fan - HUGE fan - of the little toy puppy dog MawMaw got her.  It barks and walks and pants and even whines.  BUT IT DOES NOT POOP OR HAVE TO BE FED.  It's pretty much the perfect pet.  And even if she's scared of it (great big WTF? moment as that kid loves dogs), I'm a fan.

And that was our Christmas.  It was great and it was magical and I couldn't imagine it being anymore perfect!

Let it be Christmas: Baking Edition

First things first . . . obligatory Santa photos were taken last night.

Did you know Bass Pro Shop does free Santa photos?  We've gone there three years now.  The background is a little "Country Boy Can Survive" but it works for a FREE photo.  And since we only do the photos for us and not to hand out to anyone (for some reason I don't think our family and friends are too much about a picture of our children with some fat, judgemental bastard [yeah, stole that one from something I found on Pinterest]) it just makes sense to head to BPS and save the roughly $92 you pay for one pic at the mall.

Nobody screamed or cried or freaked out in anyway.  Which was cool but made me feel like I've been cheated out of That Moment in parenting.  We've yet to have a major freak out involving Santa (just a small one the year Jaidan was two).  So no hillarious Santa pics to pull out in years to come.  Next year Karis will be going on three so we're probably over the freak out years.  Just not going to happen for us.  *Tear*

Now, on with the meat (or, uh, the cookie) of the post!

I'm a parent so, obviously, my favorite thing about Christmas is the joy and awe and blah blah of my children.  But my second favorite thing about Christmas?

THE FOOD.

Show of hands on who's surprised.  No one?  Huh.

One day next week, all four kids and I are getting in the kitchen.  We're going to roll up our sleeves, pull out all the ingredients, and get busy.  I thought I'd share the recipes (or links to the recipes) for everything we'll be making and baking.

Chocolate Covered Christmas Crackers
Named by Jaidan
These are just chocolate coated peanut butter Ritz crackers.  Make a peanut butter cracker.  Dip it in chocolate and let it set.  This has always been one of my favorites!

You can also let the kids attack them with sugar crystals but that's definitely up to you . . .
 We also tried a Paula Deen by doing chocolate covered potato chips -- not a fan
The other little brown things are "reindeer poop"  (aka chocolate covered marshmallows)

Peppermint Bark
Melt one package of white chocolate almond bark.  Crush two boxes of candy canes.  Mix candy canes with white chocolate.  Pour onto cookie sheet and let set then break into pieces.  So easy and so good!

Fudge
Courtesy of the back of my jar of marshmallow creme
You need:
3 cups sugar
3/4 cup butter
1 can evaporated milk
1 1/2 pkgs Baker's chocolate, chopped (12 squares)
2 jars marshmallow creme (I lie.  You only need one jar for the fudge.  But it's good to have another jar around to stick your finger in.  Mmmm).
1 tsp vanilla

Mix together sugar, butter, and milk over the stove.  Bring to boil and allow to boil 4-5 minutes.  Remove from heat.  Add chocolate, marshmallow creme, and vanilla.  Stir until melted..  Pour into well greased pan (I usually line a pan with wax paper or aluminum foil).  Allow to cool and set.

This is on the back of every jar of Kraft Jet Puff marshmallow creme.  It's called Fantasy Fudge and, believe me, it is the stuff fantasies are made of.  I.love.it.  Best fudge ever.

Sugar Cookies
Disclaimer: Given (a) the age of my children and (b) my level of patience, we will be doing the PRE-CUT CHRISTMAS SUGAR COOKIES this year.  You know, the kind that come with the tiniest packet of red icing that Kyan squeezes onto precisely three cookies?  Yeah, those.  But this is my favorite if-we-were-doing-them-from-scratch sugar cookie recipe.
Need:
1 cup white sugar
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup butter
1 cup vegetable oil
* Yeah, these are SO TOTALLY healthy*
Pinch of salt
2 eggs
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp vanilla
4 cups flour

Do:

Mix together sugars, butter, oil, and salt.  Add in the eggs and dry ingredients.  You can cook them now orrrrrr . . . you can chill the dough just a bit, then bust out some more flour, roll them out, and cut them into shapes.  Fun.  But make sure to add "tons of patience" to your ingredient list.  Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes.  Cool and frost.  Leave for Santa.  (And, in our house, he request a Coke Zero with those cookies rather than a glass of milk.  Lactose intolerance).

Andes Mint Brownie Sandwiches

Just too easy!

All you need for this is a brownie mix (or your favorite brownie recipe) and a package of Andies mints.  Mix the brownies according to box directions.  Spread VERY THIN onto a prepared cookie sheet and bake according to directions.  (Since they're thin,  they'll probably not take as long to bake so be sure to watch them closely!)  Slice into rectangles roughly the size of Andes mints.  Top half the brownies with a mint and them put the remaining half the brownies on top.  Makes a little sandwich that is soooooOOOooo good.

We're also planning to make:

Peanut butter fudge - We made a batch of this last week.  It's good stuff.  It's also the first peanut butter fudge I've made ever that's actually set!

Christmas Crack
Ranch Oyster Crackers
Cake Balls

And just because it's the season of giving and I feel like being nice, I'll pass on a few more favorite holiday recipes that we've loved in the past.

Pecan Clusters - these are so good!  But pecans are horribly expensive this year.
Tuxedo Cookies

Brownie Covered Oreos
Cayenne Pretzels
Paula Deen's gingerbread cookies - I cheated and bought a roll of gingerbread dough this year.  But these are good!

Now.  Eat all that and then join back with me on January 1st for a course in Diabetes 101!

I Don't Know What to Say. Except it's Christmas and We're All in Misery.

Last night was Zhariah's first ever band concert.  She's in the "beginner and novice band" which is a basically a bunch of sixth graders who had never picked up an instrument until four months ago.  It was . . . interesting.

Here are my kids BEFORE the concert:

And here they are after:

I think Karis's face says it all



Kyan spent the entire concert either sleeping or with his hands covering his ears.  Karis called the Hogs "Woooo Dig Oooey!," yelled out "ho ho ho" and "dance!" and tried to take her shirt off.  It was interesting.  I did find a potential future stepson-in-law in the boy who was playing guitar in the jazz band.  I told Zhariah I don't care if he IS an eighth grader, snap.him.up now.  They didn't make boys like that when I was in middle school.  And that concludes the Dirty Old Woman portion of this entry.

Moving right along . . .

1. What is your favorite Christmas cookie?

You know, I really prefer candy to cookies.  Give me fudge and peppermint bark any day.  But I also LOVE tuxedo cookies.  Oh, and sugar cookies with, like, four inches of frosting piled on top.  And anything with mint chocolate chips in it.  Or, just any kind of chocolate chips. 
2. What's your favorite holiday movie & why?
"We're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny f*cking Kaye.  And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!" 

That's my favorite holiday movie and that quote is why.  I actually watched it last night while wrapping gifts.

Runners up: Home Alone 2 ("Get down on your knees and tell me you love me!") and Scrooged.  Bill Murray rocks.

3. Is there a gift that you bought for your kids that you wish you hadn't after they opened it?
Of course.  I can't pinpoint one off the top of my head but they have an entire toy room full of noisy crap they hardly play with is I know the correct answer to this one.

However, I can pinpoint one my brother bought that I regretted pretty much the minute Jaidan opened it.  Silly putty.  That stuff sucks.  It was everywhere.  And, this year?  Oh wait for it, Josh.  I'm still searching for the gift for your child that is the perfect mix of annoyingly noisy AND incredibly messy.
4. What is the messiest room in your house right at this moment?
Well, considering I bribed the kids with M&M's to get them to clean their toy room yesterday it's um . . . er . . . it's probably my husband's "man cave."  It's the one room in the house that I refuse to clean and, apparently, it's the one room in the house that he also refuses to clean. 

Oh wait.  Does the garage count?  Because if it does then damn.  That one wins by a long shot. 
5. What is the furthest you have driven for the holidays?
When I was in my late teens/ early 20's my family would drive from central Texas to central Arkansas (about an eight hour drive).  These days, the furthest we go is to my grandparents in Arkansas.  It's only about three hours from where we are now.  Much, much better drive with three kids in tow!

Stink, Stank, STUNK.

We love The Grinch in our house.

It helps that one of us is married to him and the other four call him Daddy.

Seriously, not sure how it happened, but somehow I - me!  The girl who loves Christmas!  The girl who thinks July is none to early to start blasting "Jingle Bell Rock" and making peppermint bark and watching Home Alone 2 - ended up married to the Grinch.  And I gave birth to Scrooge.  Yesterday morning, at breakfast, I told Kyan "It's December!  It's Christmas!  Woooo Hoooo!"  He informed me, "I do not like December.  I do not like Christmas.  I LIKE HALLOWEEN."  Okay then.  I tried again "It's Baby Jesus' birthday!"  *Stare of Death*  "It's not MY birthday."

When I saw this craft on Pinterest I knew we had to do it.  Then since How the Grinch Stole Christmas came on earlier this week, we were able to have a Grinch-y week. Again, helps to live with the Grinch when you have a Grinchy week.

So we made this little Grinch.

Then this one.

Then we played a game of "How to Make the Grinch Grin" where the boys took turns being the Grinch while the other did silly things to make him laugh.  We made green koolaid and called it Grinch Punch.  Green Jello in clear plastic cups with Grinch faces drawn on them.

Then.

THEN.  I had A Great Idea.

See, this Elf on the Shelf thing?  I think it's a really neat thing.  I do.  I like the idea behind it.  But that damn elf is freaky looking and I don't want it starting at me all December long!  Really.  He gives me the heebie jeebies.

So in our house we now have The Magic Grinch.  He is sorta like th Elf on the Shelf.  Sorta not.

Here he is:

Can ya tell which one is the Grinch?

He watches the kids all day long and, every night, he reports to Santa on their behavior.  He is found somewhere different every morning (yesterday he was with a pile of toy ads and today in a box of ornaments) and always has a note.  In the note, he reminds them to behave, mentions a few things they really shouldn't have done the previous day, and gives them their 25 Days of Christmas activity for the day.

So far (and by so far I mean "yesterday") the boys are pretty into it.  If they start being jerk-ish I just say, "Man.  It's too bad the Grinch is going to have to tell Santa Claus about that."  Then they think over for a minute if being a jerk is worth only getting underwear from Santa (bad little boys only get tighty whities from the big guy).

On another note, I've been toying around with the idea of starting a blog solely devoted to stuff like this.  You know, so the "kid stuff" doesn't interfere with my How to be an Asshole posts and all.  And, I mean, it's not like there aren't already 8 BILLION blogs out there all about doing stuff with kids, right?  Who knows.  Still just an idea in my head right now.

Sounds of the Season

If you grew up in the south in the 80's then you know the greatest Christmas album ever was not recorded by Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole.  No.  It came from Alabama (the group; not the state.  Though it may have also come from the state.  I don't know).  It was titled Alabama Christmas and it was released by RCA in 1985.  And there's no other way to put it.  It's simply the best Christmas album of all time.  Thistlehair the Christmas Bear, Christmas in Dixie, Candle in the Window, Tennessee Christmas.  Please.  Don't try to argue with me.

Alabama is obviously top on our list of this season's soundtrack.

Here are some others that we're listening to on "repeat:"

(Warning: Youtube Overload)

Kenny & Dolly come very close to Alabama.  Very close.

Alabama and Kenny & Dolly and their Christmas albums will always remind me of my childhood.  Always.  Also Dolly's Hard Candy Christmas which was recorded for The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.  A fact that I did not know until I Youtubed the video and every other one was all "from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas 1982."

My children do not appreciate Ray Stevens' Santa Claus is Watching You near as much as my brother and I did.

It's not all country, ya'll.  It's not Christmas without some Mariah.  Her entire album is every inch of amazing.  Another amazing one?  Vanessa Williams' Star Bright.  It was the only good thing - other than Save the Best for Last - she recorded.  Oh, oh, oh!  To complete the Diva Trio: Whitney Houston.  Preacher's Wife soundtrack.

And Jackson Five.  My boys LOVE Michael Jackson.  Or, you know, Mi-shell Jack Son.  Kyan likes to watch this video on Youtube and argue with me that they're all girls.  I think it's the voices.

Brenda Lee.  We love some Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree!

 Happy Christmas.  John and Yoko.

We LOVE This Christmas.  Chris Brown (look at me now) is a douchebag but I'll take his version please.

And this one, this one goes without saying.  It's a classic, ya'll!

Back to country?  Okay.  Alan Jackson's I Only Want You for Christmas.  Kenny Chesney with All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan and Angel at the Top of My Tree. Willie Nelson on Pretty Paper,  Crystal Gayle Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and even though I'm not certain it's considered a Christmas song The Oak Ridge Boys with Thank God for Kids.  I love the video when *I* was a kid because it featured Sesame Land.  Now it makes me all emotional and ooey gooey.  (Also it makes me realize that if my kids were ever in a play area and some ZZ Top looking mofo popped up and started smiling at them, I'd probably go beyond postal).

We'll also take [almost] any version of Silver Bells, I'll Be Home for Christmas, Jingle Bells, O Holy Night (my personal favorite religious Christmas song), Silent Night, Jingle Bell Rock, Rudolph.  You know -- pretty much every "classic" Christmas song EVER recorded.  And don't judge me!  But I love Nick and Jessica's Baby It's Cold Outside.  They were no Kenny and Dolly but they owned that song.

I know I'm missing some but that's the, um, short list. 

What are YOU listening to this Christmas?