Diary of a Pregnant Woman

Monday

Disclaimer: I am NOT pregnant!  God would have to have a pretty wicked sense of humor for me to ever find myself knocked up again.  My baby is almost two and I'm far enough removed from those maternity days that I can now look back and make fun of myself.  And anyone else who has ever been pregnant.

Disclaimer Two: If you happen to be pregnant come back and read this in a couple years when you can laugh at it.

Five Weeks - One week late.  Time to take a test.  Just to see.  It's probably negative.  It's definitely negative.  There's no way I'm - HOLY SHIT.  I AM PREGNANT.

Five Weeks, Two Minutes - Deep breath.  Deep breath.  Think about this.  Okay.  All the cool people wait until, like, 12 weeks to tell other people right?  Maybe I should do that too.  Yes.  I can totally do that.  I'll wait until 12 - no, 14! - weeks to announce this to the world.

Five Weeks, Three Minutes - 14 weeks is still TWO MONTHS away.  Oh em gee.  I cannot keep this a secret for two months.

Five Weeks, Four Minutes - Update Facebook status: "We're excited to announce that, in a few months, our family will grow by two feet!"

Five Weeks, Five Minutes - OH SNAP.  Better call The Husband and let him know the happy news before the Monster in Law reads it on my Facebook and calls him first.  Ugh.  That woman canNOT stay out of our business.

Five Weeks, Seventeen Minutes - Is it too early to buy baby stuff?  I'm just going to order this cute pair of tights here . . . and that hairbow I found on Etsy a few weeks ago.  I just KNOW this baby is a girl.

Five Weeks, Twenty Minutes - Just took my first belly shot!

Five Weeks, Thirty Four Minutes - I feel so productive!  Just made appointments with a midwife, a doula, a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, an herbal doctor, a lactation consultant, and, to make my mom and the Monster in Law happy, an obstetrician. 

Five Weeks, Thirty Six Minutes - Wow, I totally didn't feel pregnant at all yesterday but ever since I peed on that stick I AM SO TIRED.  I think I'm going to take a nap.

Five Weeks, One Day - I'm craving pickles and ice cream.  Pregnant!  Squeee!

Five Weeks, Two Days - I sooooo think I have morning sickness!  It can't be the three chili dogs I ate last night (baby wanted them) or the buffalo wings I had for breakfast (baby wanted them).  It's, like, legitimate morning sickness.

Five Weeks, Three Days - I have approxomately 876 things pinned on my "Nursery" pinboard and another 982 things on my "Stuff for Baby" board.  Is it too early to buy a carseat and crib?

Six Weeks, Three Days - I could sleep for the rest of my life.  Zzzzz.

Seven Weeks - OH MY GOSH.  I can't get my head out of the toilet.

Seven Weeks, Four Days - THIS is morning sickness.  THIS.  I'm never going to eat again.

Seven Weeks, Four Days, 28 Minutes - If I don't eat something I'm going to throw up.

Seven Weeks, Four Days, 31 Minutes - Threw up anyway.

Eight Weeks - My first OB appointment is tomorrow!  Squeee!

Eight Weeks, One Day - I got a picture of our cute little baby!  I know she looks like a peanut but, I swear, she has her daddy's nose!  And the heartbeat was in the 170's . . . it's a girl!  I know it!  It has to be a girl!  Also, that bitch ass nurse had the audacity to give ME a bag full of formula samples.  Doesn't she know that I have nipples of steel?  That I'm going to kick breastfeeding's ass?

Nine Weeks, Four Days - Just posted to Facebook that I felt the baby move.  The Monster in Law told me it was just gas.  Can you believe her?  She tried telling all of Facebook that *I* have gas!  As if.

Nine Weeks, Six Days - I think I'm showing.  I need to go buy maternity clothes.

Ten Weeks, Two Days - Just went to the store.  All the cute maternity clothes were way out of my budget and everything is too big!  How can they be too big?  I.AM.SHOWING.

Twelve Weeks - Second trimester.  Finally went two whole days without throwing up my breakfast.  WINNING.

Thirteen Weeks - I'm pretty sure I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions.  Yeah, that must be it.  Contractions.

Fourteen Weeks - I FEEL GREAT.

Sixteen Weeks - I never realized just how sexy the mailman is.  And the custodian at work.  Oh and the guy who bagged my groceries yesterday.  How old is HE?

Seventeen Weeks - Pregnancy is the most wonderful thing in the history of the world.  I wish I could be pregnant forever!  I think I'll be a surrogate someday.

Eighteen Weeks, Four Days - Feeling this baby flutter around is the most amazing feelling in the history of ever.  Oh, pregnancy.  I love you.

Nineteen Weeks, Six Days - Log on to Facebook and remind everyone that the gender ultrasound is tomorrow.  Tomorrow!  Oh, I just know it's a girl!

Twenty Weeks - It's a . . . BOY!  Oh!  I knew it all along.

Twenty Weeks, Two Hours - Just went to Target and registered for every single blue thing in the store.

Twenty Two Weeks - Why can I NOT poop?  Ugh.

Twenty Four Weeks - Bliss!

Twenty Six Weeks - I've eaten six McDoubles in the past four days.  And had eight Wendy's Frosty's.  That's normal, right?

Thirty Weeks - I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. 

Thirty One Weeks - I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. 

Thirty Two Weeks - I have never been more uncomfortable in my life.

Thirty Three Weeks - Can this baby please get his feet out of my ribs for, like, five minutes?  I have never been more uncomfortable in my life.

Thirty Four Weeks - I just realized that this huge egg shaped thing that's taken over my abdomen -- there's a baby in there!  And it has to come out of . . . there?  I'm calling the OB to schedule my c-section.  Also, I've never been more uncomfortable in my life.

Thirty Five Weeks - Baby shower!  Will I really need THAT many diapers?  And what was the Monster in Law thinking with those outfits?

Thirty Six Weeks - GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME.  I have never been more uncomfortable in my life.  I hate being pregnant.  I'm never doing this again.  And if The Penis doesn't quit breathing that annoying way then I AM GOING TO STAB HIM.

Thirty Seven Weeks - I can't sleep.  None of my maternity clothes fit. None of my husband's clothes fit.  The tent we used to go camping last summer doesn't fit. My face is so broke out I look like a teenager.  I sweat all the time.  My back hurts.  I have to go to the bathroom every six minutes.   I've had UTI's, hemmoroids, and high blood pressure.  I think I see half a stetch mark and that had BETTA NOT be a vericose vein.  I'm married to the most annoying person on the planet.  I hate being pregnant.  COME OUT, BABY.

Thirty Eight Weeks - WHY IS THE BABY NOT HERE YET? 

Thirty Nine Weeks - Was that a contraction?  Maybe we should go to the hospital just in case.

Thirty Nine Weeks, Fourteen Hours - TWELVE hours later and, nope, no contractions.  This baby is never coming out.

Thirty Nine Weeks, Two Days - Definitely contractions this time.  Here we go again.

Thirty Nine Weeks, Two Days, Six Hours - False alarm.

Thirty Nine Weeks, Six Days - I AM GOING TO BE PREGNANT FOREVER.

Forty Weeks, Four Days - He must really like it in there.  I guess he's just going to stay.  WHY IS HE NOT COMING OUT?  I am four days past my due date!  This is not fair!   

Forty Weeks, Five Days - I'm never having anymore children because I AM NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN.  Oooh.  My back has been hurting so bad today.

Forty Weeks, Six Days - Oh God, oh God, oh God.  THESE are contractions.  THIS is what labor feels like.  I AM GOING TO DIE.  Forget the midwife!  Forget the doula!  I NEED MEDS. 

Forty Weeks, Six Days, Four Hours - Thisssh shtuff they put in my IB, uh, IVeeee ish the besht schtuff evverrr.

Forty Weeks, Six Days, Six Hours - It's only ten centimeters.  WHY does it take so long to get there?

Forty Weeks, Six Days, Nine Hours - Really.  He's never coming out.

Forty Weeks, Six Days, Eleven Hours - PUSH!

Forty Weeks, Six Days, Twelve Hours - Love.  This is love.  Real, true, love at first sight.  But why does he have my grandpa's ears?

Forty Weeks, Six Days, Twelve Hours, Two Minutes - Still haven't pushed the placenta out but I have GOT to update my Facebook status!

It Happened This Week

Sunday

The last time I really did anything with my hair was December 13, 2009.  I only remember the date because it was the day after my nephew was born.  And my husband was so anti-short hair that I waited until I was out of town to cut it.  I chopped off 15 inches and donated 12 to Locks of Love.  I don't regret it per say -- I mean, I definitely don't regret donating.  But I've realized that short "mom hair" doesn't look good on me and I'm not going above the shoulders again.  It's a pain in the ass being as long as it is but I'm pretty determined to keep it this way.  I hate getting a trim because I'm always afraid they're going to take too much off and I'm going to be left with super short hair that accentuates my Fat Girl Face.

Anyway.  Last night I dreamed that Pat Sajak cut my hair!  I have no idea if he'd had "two or six" margaritas at the time but it was too short and I left the barber shop in tears.  PEOPLE.  Why am I dreaming about Pat Sajak?

Enough about that.  Here's a look at our week, the last full week of January (*happy dance*):

Sunday 1/22:

Monday 1/23:

Tuesday 1/24:
Doesn't that grass look LOVELY?  *Sigh*

Wednesday 1/25:

Thursday 1/26:

Friday 1/27:

Saturday 1/28:
Special thanks to my camera for making my floors look even nasty than they already do.
Believe me, my floors are far from being anything you'd see in any magazine ever.  They are vinyl - "white" vinyl (WHO had the great idea of putting a white floor in a kitchen?) - and I would love to rip them up.  However.  They are nowhere near THAT disgusting looking.

They Ain't Pretty

Friday

My friend Jenn said the other day that crescent rolls are the bacon of refrigerated breads.  Has there EVER been a more truthful statement?

Crescent rolls.  They're where it's AT, y'all.

I had some crescent rolls on hand and decided to throw together something that we'll call jalapeno chicken packets the other night.  I came up with these ALL BY MYSELF.  Which probably means that everyone else is already making them and I just haven't happened to stumble across them on the internet (and by "the internet" I mean Pinterest) yet.  Like the chicken taco soup that I always claimed to be "my" recipe.  Now that we have Pinterest in our lives I know that EVERYONE makes chicken taco soup just exactly like I make it.  It's not "my" recipe.  It's the entire western world's recipe.
These jalapeno chicken packets . . . they are ugly.  And I don't have a fancy camera to try to make them look pretty.  But they were also absolutely delish.  Like, so good that I had to log on to one of my Facebook groups approxomately 2.6 seconds after I'd taken the last bite and tell everyone just how good they were.


See?
They Ain't Pretty!

Here is what you need:
Crescent rolls (I used the reduced fat ones and guess what?  The calorie count is the same as the full fat ones.  Explain please).
Weight Watchers pepperjack cheese spread
Chicken, seasoned to your preference, grilled, and cubed (or you could just "pull a Brandi" and buy these)
Jalapenos
Shredded Cheese (I used low fat cheddar but I think any kind will work -- and I wish I had some Mexican blend on hand)
Roll out crescent rolls.  Spread half a wedge of the pepperjack on each one.  Top with chicken (I used 1.5 ounces per two crescent rolls), jalapenos, and one tablespoon of shredded cheese.  Roll up and shape into a packet.  Bake at 375 for 15 minutes or until crescents are golden.

So simple . . . so ugly . . . so delicious. 



I served them with black beans and apple slices.  The entire meal (two crescent rolls - using a total of 1.5 ounces chicken, half a cup of black beans, half an apple) was only 485 calories.  The packets themselves are 165 calories each.

Next time I make them I'll shake things up and ADD SOME BACON. 

I leave you with this:

Chocolate icecream with whipped cream vodka
You should make one of these.  TODAY.

Thursday Things

Thursday

1) I weighed in today, a day early, because one of my Favorite People is in town and I want Buffalo Wild Wings and wine tonight.  And possibly ice cream.  Chocolate ice cream with Pinnacle Whipped. Thoughts?  Anyway.  I'm down 1.8 pounds which brings my grand total to 7.8 pounds since January 1st.  All my holiday weight is GONE!

2) At dinner the other night I asked the boys what they wanted to be when they grew up.  Jaidan told me he wanted to be a firefighter.  No big surprise there.  I'm pretty sure every single five-year-old boy in the history of ever has aspired to be either a firefighter or a policeman.  When I asked him why he said, "to have one of those fire dogs with the spots, to be able to slide down a pole, and to help people."  Love those priorities, son.

Kyan also wants to help people (his words) but he wants to do it as . . . a knight.

Both boys weighed in on what Karis is going to be when she grows up.  Jaidan said a ballerina and Kyan said a princess.  Then a fight ensured over which was prettier.

3) Another reason I'll be glad January when is over?  Weight loss commercials.  I'm so tired of seeing Jennifer, Janet, and Mariah.

4) I've realized that my lazyness this January is not a result of the weather.  For the most part, the weather has been almost . . . well . . . perfect.  For January, anyway.  We have a really cold day here and there but mostly it's been pretty mild with most days in the 60's and even some 70's.  We were even able to spend the entire afternoon outside the other day!  I read somewhere that we're having this nice, mild January because it's a La Nina year.  Last year's craptastic weather was a result of El Nino.  So, in other words the boy causes everyone to feel miserable and disgusting.  ANYway.  The weather hasn't given me a case of the lazies . . . I just have vacationitis.  I have two weeks until I leave and I don't want to do anything but think about New Orleans and Nola related things and Nola food and Nola drinks.  Nola brain.

The other day I had a long list of things I planned on getting done.  Instead, I spent the day texting my friend Courtney with reasons she needs to go with us.
Did it work?  We'll see.

5) We've been able to walk several days a week.  On my Android phone, I had the CardioTrainer app.  I LOVED it.  I was able to turn it on when I set off on a walk and it would tell me how far I walked, how many calories I burned, that sort of thing.  I can't download it on my iPhone but I found a pedometer app that's okay.  I've been using it to monitor the number of calories I burn on a walk.

6) The boys got a little room re-do last week!  We didn't do much -- just hung pictures on the wall.  I know the days are limited - very, very limited - where Jaidan will be content with anything Disney Pixar being used to decorate his room.  So I wasn't ready to put a lot of time/ money into their room.  When he's ready for an "upgrade" Kyan is going to want it too since he wants anything Jaidan wants.  So, for now, their room looks like this:
Sidenote: I am so, so, so, so, SO incredibly sad that Picnik is going away.  What am I going to use for my collages?

7) I don't keep up with country radio.  I'm the only one in my house who appreciates country (unfortunately).  The boys like Zac Brown Band and Kyan still wants to rock out to Blake Shelton's Honey Bee (and by "rock out" I mean dance around the kitchen with me which, HELLO, I love).  The only time I really listen to country is on Pandora and that's not all the time.  So I realize this song may have been out for a while but I only discovered it a few weeks ago.  LOVE.
The first few times I heard it, I was very "wtf."  Ludacris on a country record?  LUDACRIS?  And Jason Aldean attempting something that's kind of like rapping?  But it's grown on me.  I like it.  I like it a lot.

8) Karis is in the stage where she picks 329849823 toys to take to bed with her.  The other night she took a water gun and a toy chainsaw.  Totally LOL'able.

9) I don't think there's anyway possible that I could be LESS excited about this year's Super Bowl.  Oh yay.  Tom Brady and the Patriots are going again.  Woo Hoo.  :/  At least there's a Manning in it.  Us SEC girls love our Mannings.

10) My current favorite ecard making the rounds on Pinterest:
Current favorite because HELLO.  MOST TRUE THING EVER.

(Un)Motivation

Wednesday

To say that I've been unmotivated - to do anything - the past few days would pretty much be the understatement of the century.  I have a bad case of vacationitis and honestly prefer not to do anything other than lay around daydreaming about things like crawfish bisque.  I tried to blame yesterday's lack of motivation on the fact that it was an incredibly beautiful day and wanted to just stay outside with my kids all.day.long (which we pretty much did).  But today it's pouring down rain and just plain nasty and I still have zero motivation.  Vacationitis. 

I feel as though I can't go THREE WHOLE DAYS without blogging so I'll pass on a few Instagrams from the past few days.  Aren't you, like, SO EXCITED?


Dude.  I was SO in love with yesterday.  The weather was just THAT wonderful. 



The boys think Hide and Seek is the Best Game Ever.  Kyan always - always - hides under some sort of blanket.  I sincerely hope the child never has to join the Witness Protection Program.  "They can't see me cause I can't see them!"


Yesterday's breakfast.
My husband is Captain Sabotage when it comes to me and weight loss.

Karis slept 12.5 hours the other night.  Which made her a Very Happy Girl.
This morning she was up before 7:00 and the first thing she said was, "I want you to feed me."
Sigh.

We had tornados bouncing all around us Sunday night (and everyone was freaking out and all "TORNADOS in JANUARY?  THE WORLD IS GOING TO END SOON."  The reaction to severe weaather is so much worse than the actual weather.  Also, we had tornado warnings in February last year -- I remember because my girls and I had to go hide out in the back room of Target -- and the world didn't end.  Soooo . . . )  Anyway.  Jaidan thought he had to get in bed with me because he was "sooooo scared."  Doesn't he look just freakin' TERRIFIED?


Lunch the other day was quesadillas -- football, puppy dog, and airplane quesadillas.
Kyan's airplanes were flying to Vegas.

I was making chili for dinner the other day.  Karis kept pulling stuff out of the pantry for me to add to it -- Spongebob Chicken Noodle, cranberry sauce, and cream of chicken soup?  Ewww.

Speaking of chili - I made Pioneer Woman's recipe a few months ago.  We liked it but I've tweaked it here and there until I feel like I have a super yummy chili recipe.  I half the ground chuck, double the beans, tomato sauce, and cumin.  Triple (sometimes more!) the chili powder.  I leave out the masa.  And I add onions.  What kind of chili recipe doesn't have onions?  This last time I made it, I diced up some jalapenos to put in my bowl.  OH EM GEE.  It was soooo good.  I had heartburn later (effin' A, haven't had heartburn in aaaaaages) but it was totally worth it.  Totally worth it.


It Happened This Week

Sunday

Let's get the important stuff out of the way first, shall we?

  • I lost 2.6 pounds this week.  We'll pretend last week's little rant on metabolism never happened, mmkay?  I'm down a total of six pounds and I only have one to go to be back where I was in October.  Which is definitely do-able by the time I leave for New Orleans.  And I hope that pound is gone before February 5th so I can pig out during the Super Bowl.  Which I'll be watching at home.  With my kids.  I don't care though -- I'm all about celebrating when Tim Tebow is not a part of it. 
  • I attribute this 2.6 pound loss, in part, to being able to GO OUTSIDE and burn calories.  We were able to get out and walk, um, four days this week.  (Oh and Mother Nature decided to be a HUGE B-word to us yesterday and temps didn't get out of the 30's - after it was close to 70 on Friday - which meant I had a baby girl who sat by the back door and whimpered to go "ou-shide" constantly).
  • We worked this week on Jaidan learning his address and phone number.  He has the address down.  The phone number . . . notsomuch.  I only know one phone number from memory and that's my own -- I'm not exactly setting the best example of what to do in an emergency when your iPhone is dead.  #parentingfail
  • I started tweeting again this week!  I actually went over to Twitter to be an asshole to someone and got sucked in.  Freakin' Twitter.
  • I said I wasn't going to drink any alcohol again until Nola but I had two glasses of Moscato the other night.  I blame it on my children.
Pictures of our week:

Sunday 1/15:

Monday 1/16:
Doooood.  She looks like her Daddy in this picture!

Tuesday 1/17:

Wednesday 1/18:

Thursday 1/19:

Friday 1/20:
This little turd.  She hasn't taken a nap this week unless I take her for a walk "a wawwwk!  A wawwwk!" and she falls asleep in the stroller.  Oh, and if she DOES happen to take a nap that's longer than, like, 45 mintutes?  She won't go to sleep at night.  She is SO MUCH like Jaidan was at that age.

Saturday 1/21:

So Very Pinteresting

Saturday

So you can now link up Pinterest and your Facebook account so that EVERYTHING you do on Pinterest shows up in your Facebook feed.  I allowed Pinterest to do this because I wasn't paying attention and just clicked the "try it now!" button because they didn't have a "yeah, yeah, whatever" button.  Turns out, when you have this feature, your Facebook friends can see all your Pinterest activity.  So if you pin something with the f-word in it and your grandma is on Facebook then *gasp* she will know you pinned something with the f-word in it.  It also means that you can see someone left a comment on the comment you left on someone else's pin of Pinnacle whipped vodka.  And if you've had a glass or two of Moscato (even though you swore you weren't drinking again until you went to New Orleans) it might confuse you a little bit.  Not that I speak from experience or anything.

I saw this on Pinterest this week (I didn't repin it because I don't like to pin things that make me feel old):


Holy MEMORIES, Batman!  I had that one in the peach dress (was she peach blossom Barbie or something?), the one in the white, and most definitely the one in the blue thing.  I remember that blue thing pretty vividly and somewhere in the recesses of my mind is a memory of her in a red Barbie car under the tree on Christmas morning.  Good times . . .

Part of me can't wait for my daughter to be into Barbies -- I'm not one of those "NO BARBIE EVER" moms.  Barbie was my favorite toy growing up.  I cut her hair and lost her shoes and, since I only had a brother, played lots of "Barbie Meets GI Joe."  Sure, she's disporportionate and blah blah blah but why would I deny my daughter the joy of playing with them? 

The part of me that can wait for her to get into them is the part that purchased some for our angel tree child this past Christmas and realized how much Barbie costs these days.  HO-LY CRAP.

Anyway.  Onto pins I actually tried this week.  I've been good on keeping it lazy in 2012 but I do have a few to share.

Recipes:

Skinny Baked Potato Soup - This.Is.Good.  Really, really good.  You can't taste the cauliflour and it has a nice, rich flavor to it.  Kyan even ate it!  That is HUGE.  Jaidan and Zhariah both went back for seconds.  Plus, it was filling enough that one cup of soup was plenty for me.  This is one soup recipe that is most definitely a keeper!

Secretly Healthy Chocolate Cake - If you're getting ready to pop a cake into the oven and start to question whether you should add some white sugar . . . that's probably not a good sign.  This cake was . . . not good.  We piled Cool Whip on top and it still was not even edible.  I ended up throwing it out.

Lasagna Rolls - People, this is a look at my dinner the night I fixed these:
That entire plate was just 365 calories!

365!

The lasagna rolls are sooooo good.  I did deviate from the actual recipe -- I broke my noodles in half before boiling them (so while I had two rolls, I only had one noodle).  I made mine meatless and I measured the cheeses and sauce exactly to keep the calories down.  The lasagna rolls were fantastic.  Eddie declared them a keeper and both Karis and Zhariah threw down on them.  They will definitely be added to the dinner rotation.

As far as non-recipe related things:

I tried this to make my house smell heavenly.  Ummm.  It made the two foot circumference surrounding my stove smell okay but, yeah, other than that?  No.

Kid Stuff:

The boys made penguins and polar bears.  Here's to hoping my January Fog lifts next week and we DO a little more!

Thursday Things

Thursday

1) Eddie and I love - love - Texas de Brazil.  All you can eat meat with a "salad" bar that's out of this world -- what's not to love?  I got an email a couple weeks ago that they were doing a special MLK Day lunch.  Eddie and I talked about it and decided to go and pass along the our love to the kids.  Diet?  What diet?  I called to make a reservation and they were completely booked.  Boo. I figured that was God's, the universe's, or TDB's way of telling me lay off the steak, fatty.  THEN the lady on the phone told me they were extending the offer for Wednesday and Thursday.  So I figured that was God's, the universe's, or TBD's way of telling me go for it, fatty.

Kyan, who is my resident Very Picky Eater, threw down.  The boy ate two plates of rice, three pieces of chicken wrapped in bacon (my favorite too!), two pieces of steak, a piece of Brazillian sausage, a slice of lamb, and I don't know how much bacon.  He even told us he wants to go back there for his birthday!

Obviously, this little trip to TdB wasn't on my diet.  I might be griping - and threatening to hurl my scale at the wall - come Friday morning but, for today, it was worth it!


I Keep it Real

2) One of my favorite things about the My Fitness Pal app is that after you are done logging in for the day, it will give you an idea of how much you could possibly weigh in five weeks if you ate the same way every single day.  I later changed the 10,000 calories to a more reasonable guesstimate but before I did that I just had to have a look at what it would be if I ate 10,000+ calories every day for the next five weeks:

In FIVE WEEKS???  That's a very big weight gain.  Holy crap!

3) Apparently there is a reality show being shopped around to networks called Heavy Housewives of Memphis.  I'm a little irritated about this.  Partly because they put "heavy" in the title.  Partly because I dropped the whole "housewives of Memphis" thing in a blog title TWO YEARS AGO and did anyone bother to ask ME to be on it?  Noooo.  Apparently reality networks are (still) not too interested in watching me yell at my kids and browse Pinterest for projects that are never going to get done. 

By the way -- "Real Housewives of Memphis" is the number one search phrase people Google to find my blog.

4) I picked up a prescription at Target on Friday.  After the pharmacist gave me the spill on the prescript he told me, "Call if you have any questions.  I mean it.  Call me."  Okay.  I was back in Target on Monday and the same pharmacist walked past me in the soap aisle.  He spoke and even called me by name.  This was in Target -- not some neighborhood, mom & pop type of pharmacy.  I think he mighta wanted him a little bit of Brandi! 

5) Has anyone watched the new show Are You There, Chelsea?  I love Chelsea Handler but this show sucks.  Also, Laura Prepon will always be Donna Pinciotti.  Always.

6) You'd think that by the time your third child reaches the Terrible Two's stage you'd be all "yeah, yeah, whatever.  Been thurrr, done that."  You'd be wrong.  And what makes it even worse is that by the time you're on your third child then you KNOW.  You know that the Terrible Two's start at just-before-they-turn-two and last until age five.

Karis never ceases to amaze me.  She climbs on everything.  I moved the kitchen chairs where she can't get to them and . . . she still manages to get to them.  She is also in the Nakey Toddler Stage.  Every time I turn around, she's shucking her diaper.  I've even tried duct tapinig it on (relax, no tape on her skin) and guess what?  Houdini Baby GOT IT OFF ANYWAY. 

7) I will be in New Orleans three weeks from tomorrow.  Three weeks!  I have a list of everything I need to do before I leave.  It looks like this:
  • Go to a parade
  • Eat beignets
  • Eat crawfish bisque from the French Market
  • Eat a po' boy
  • Eat my weight in pralines
  • Eat alligator.  Lots and lots of alligator
  • Eat crab stuffed mushrooms (my favorite from last year!)
  • Eat a muffaletta
  • Eat at Mother's
75% of my budget is reserved for food.

8) A friend posted this on Facebook yesterday.  I seriously LOL'd.  http://pregnantchicken.squarespace.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2012/1/17/porn-for-pregnant-ladies.html  If you've ever been pregnant then oh you sooooo get it.

9) My idol.  She has diabetes.

I KNOW.  I am SHOCKED.

Also, errbody needs to go on ahead and BACK OFF my Paula.  Yes, her food gives you di-a-beet-us.  But she ain't forcin' you to eat it, hon! 

10) Did I mention I'll be in New Orleans THREE WEEKS from tomorrow?  Oh, baby.

Home Decorating 101

Tuesday

I might have mentioned - just a time or two - that I'm in the process of decorating my house.

Not redecorating, mind you.  Just plain old decorating.  The house I've lived in for going on TWO AND A HALF YEARS.

We're all about the procrastination up in here.

I don't have a good "before" picture of it (and right now there is [still] a huge ass basketball goal in there) but it looks something like this:
Nothing on the walls.  Nothing actually IN the entryway, exception being that it ocassionally becomes a catch-all for shoes.  Fun.

But I have big plans.

I'm looking for a table to sit against the wall -- I don't want to buy anything brand new so I'm checking out Goodwill and resale shops and when yard sale season rolls around again, I'll be on the look out there too.  I'll put framed pictures on top of the table.  Perhaps different little seasonal decorations.

The wall is going to be my canvas wall.

I took this picture right here:

Cropped the food out of it (ohmygawwwsh, those crab nachos were the bomb(dot)com) and created this:


It's a canvas from Canvas People (you can get a free 8x10 canvas -- just pay shipping -- I bought my mom a canvas for Christmas and I really wish I'd found this deal then!  Maybe she could've got two or three!).  My plan is to end up with five canvases - this one of me and Eddie and then one of each of the kids.  They'll be hung in the front entry way.  I have a canvas sign with our last name and some sort of cutesy quote that'll go on top of the pictures.  I can't wait to get the other canvases ordered.  I think it's going to turn out so cute!

Now if only I could figure out exactly how I want to decorate the REST of the house . . .

Grief and Perspective

Monday

If you had told me Thursday night that I would walk out from Jaidan's kindergarten check up the next morning on the verge of tears, I would have thought you were crazy.  But when I walked out of that appointment around noon on Friday I was on  the verge of being a complete mess.

Jaidan completely failed his hearing test.  They gave it to him three different times -- the third time I actually left the room as I was afraid I was being a distraction.  That time he heard the first tone on each ear; he heard none of the others though.  Add to that the fact that we got some news that he has another issue that could eventually lead to surgery and you have a mom who walked out of the doctor's office struggling to hold back tears.

It's been a few days and I've calmed down.  I realize any number of things could've caused him to fail the hearing test.  He could have been excited because the word "kindergarten" was being tossed around.  He could have fluid on his ears or wax build up.  Or he could've just been being a little turd.  All weekend long I've been reminding myself that he never asks us to repeat ourselves, he doesn't turn the TV up super loud, and he just doesn't seem to have any problems hearing.  We're getting a referral to an ENT and whatever the problem is - if there is any problem at all - we'll take care of it.  He will be okay.

When we left the doctor on Friday, none of the other possibillities were on my mind.  All I could think about were hearing aids.  My baby needing something, something that everyone could see and possibly make fun of him for, to help him hear.  I think most of us, as parents, can agree that when it comes to the formitive years all we really want for our children is the blessing of being average.  We want them to blend in and have nothing about them that automatically makes them a target for (more) teasing and ridicule. 

For the five plus years I've been a parent, my children have been ridiculously healthy.  Sure, we've passed around snotty noses and there's been a stomach virus or two make the rounds in our home.  But we have only ever made one - one! - sick child visit to the doctor.  It's a blessing and while I realize this I also can't help but wonder if I've perhaps taken it for granted.  Because I was most definitely thrown for a loop when my kid failed his hearing test.  Three times.  And if I learned anything on Friday it's this: there's no such thing as minor when it's your own child.  I used to see people freak out about their child having their tonsils removed.  I would roll my eyes and scoff and think about all the people with children who have faced truly major surgeries.  I'll never do that again.  It doesn't matter if it's having tonsils removed or having something more important operated on . . . when it's your kid, it just seems major. 

I learned some news Saturday evening - news about a child that I don't even know personally - that left me heartbroken.  Anytime a mother has to say goodbye to her child, anytime a mother is left with empty arms it breaks my heart a little.  It's my greatest fear.  And while I was essentially freaking out (for lack of a better term) over something that could be nothing, another mother out there was making burial arrangements for her child.

It's not fair and I instantly felt guitly.  Friday after our doctor's appointment, I put on a happy face and took my kids to Chik Fil La but I was blinking back tears the whole time and my mind was spinning with the "what ifs."  I was in tears over a problem-that-might-not-be-a-problem.  But . . . I wasn't faced with truly devastating news.  I wasn't given a fatal prognosis for my child.  I wasn't faced with having to plan a funeral.  I feel guilty now, writing this, for even gaining a little perspective over someone else's pain.

It seems like every time we hear of a tragedy involving a child those of us who are parents are slower to anger, hug our babies a little tighter, are reminded of the little things we tend to take for granted.  And each time something like this happens I can't help but wonder how the mother of that child feels.  How does it make a mother feel when she's lost her child and that reminds other people to hug their babies a little tighter, to not take them so much for granted?  I can't help but feel guilty . . . guilty that I do take my little people and minor health concerns for granted.  And guilty that another parent's pain and grief gives me perspective.

It Happened This Week

Sunday

You know how in, like, July you'll write down the date one day and be all, "Is it seriously ALREADY July 15th?  We're already halfway through the month!"  You never do that in January.  It's always, "Is it really ONLY the 15th?  Is this month EVER going to be over?" 

I hate January.  And it's a deep and burning hatred.

I really love outdoor exercise.  And by "exercise" I mean pushing my double stroller through the neighborhood.  No running or hiking or any of that mess.  I like to get out, take a walk, and get some fresh air while spying on my neighbors.  Yesterday it warmed up to a balmy 52 degrees -- which felt like we were residing in the tropics after the past few days.  So I put jackets on Kyan and Karis and the three of us headed out for a stroll around the neighborhood.  Real talk: it is absolutely amazing what a little (windy) fresh air can do for your mood.

Here's a look at our week:

Sunday 1/8:

Monday 1/9:
Holy crap, I love this kid.
The doctor asked him, "How old are you man?"
Kyan - "I'm three!  And my Mommy is 31!"
Thanks, Dude.

Tuesday 1/10:

Wednesday 1/11:

Thursday 1/12:

Friday 1/13:
Another Kyan-ism:
The boys were playing in the play are at CFA with two or three other boys.  I heard Jaidan, "Let's play a game!  It's called No Girls Allowed!"  They played a little longer and I walked over to check on Karis who was playing close to them.  A little boy said, "It's a girl!"  Kyan said, "That's not a girl.  That's just my Mommy."

Saturday 1/14:

So Very Pinteresting

Saturday

I haven't done a Pinterest round up in awhile.  This one is mainly recipes because . . . well, because it's January.  Enough said.  I could never homeschool because of the month of January (and also because I'd probably end up in a pretty white room with nice padding on the walls).  We'd never do anything that month.  Forget summer vacation -- we'd have to take January and February off.  Therefore I will ship these children off to public school when the time comes so that someone else, hopefully someone less lazy in the winter months, can train them up just right.

Yummies:

Ranch Roasted Potatoes - You know something?  I didn't even like ranch dressing until I got pregnant with Karis and wanted it on everything.  (Seriously, my monthly visit-ah wasn't even late yet but I knew something was going on when I poured ranch on my SCRAMBLED EGGS.  No lie).  But, mmmm, I love me some ranch now!  And, even better, is the dry ranch dressing mix.  Oh, sweet mystery of life.  That stuff is proof there is a God and He does love me.  I made these for dinner two Thursday nights in a row (I guess Thursday just feels right for ranch potatoes . . . ) I used the regular ranch seasoning the first time and they were soooooo good.  Jaidan ate SO MANY of them.  The second time I used the fiesta ranch.  They were still really good but Jaybird and I both preferred the ones with the regular mix.  Z said the fiesta ranch ones tasted like fries from a restaurant.  Suffice to say, we love this recipe and it'll probably be a weekly staple on our menu.

Christmas Crack - I obviously made this at Christmas.  Saltine toffee seemed to be all the rage this year and I decided to try this particular recipe.  It was the easiest one out there.  Here's the deal-io: if it seems almost too easy then it probably is.  It never did set and it just . . . it wasn't that good.  I'll be trying Christmas Crack again next year but it'll be with a different recipe.

Cheeseburger Ring - Made these for dinner for the kiddos the other night.  Jaidan LOVED them.  Like, begged me to make them for lunch the next day type of loved them.  Kyan and Karis ate the meat out of them (what kind of weird ass kids don't eat crescent rolls?).  When I make them again, I'm going to add in some onion.  Oh!  And I omitted the pickles because I knew my picky 3-year-old wouldn't touch them if he saw pickles in them!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal - Mmmm.  No bake cookies are just about the best.thing.ever.  As soon as I stumbled across this recipe I wondered why *I* had never thought to make a no bake cookie type of oatmeal.  This oatmeal was . . . okay.  It took a lot of sweetener, though, and I really prefer the usual way I make it -- with brown sugar and cinnamon.

Mini Deep Dish Pizzas - I originally pinned these as "kid food" but decided to eat some myself for dinner one night.  They.are.so.good.  I never thought about using a muffin tin to make a deep dish pizza!  Each little pizza was all sauce-y and flavor-y and just nom, nom, nom

Apple Sandwiches - These were lunch for the boys one day -- I left out the raisins and granola; just apples as bread with peanut butter spread between the slices.  They thought they were really neat and requested to have them again the next day.  Which means this recipe = success.

As far as non-food related things -- we also did this The Snowy Day printable pack, made these for our New Years resolutions, and decoded site words with a little watercolor fun.  None of which I have pictures of because it's January and I'm lazy.

And that's pretty much it for the past few weeks.  Happy Saturday!  Go take a shot every time you see the "Tebow" in your Facebook feed and you'll be white girl wasted in no time -- that always makes your average winter Saturday better.

Stupid Metabolism

Friday

I heard on the radio once that a woman's beauty peaks at the age of 32.  I actually believe this.  You might not be as firm as in your 20's but, by that time, most women have developed their "honey badger don't give a shit" attitude.  Where the firm thighs leave off, the confidence picks up.  Confidence is attractive. 

I turn 32 in May.  Which means I should be smoking hot come May 19th -- and for the 365 days that follow -- but then it's all downhill from there.  Yeah, that doesn't suck or anything. 

Want to know something else that happens in your 30's?  Your metabolism slows down.  This possibly sucks even more than realizing you're only going to get uglier.

You know how most college students pack on the "freshman 15" during their first semester of school thanks to lots of delivered pizza and beer at frat parties?  Ever the overacheiver, I gained my freshman 15 during my senior year of high school.  I started college at my highest weight ever and spent my first semester eating daily doses of Whataburger (what?  I was living in Texas for the first time in my life.  I was going to enjoy the Whataburger!) and packing on more and more pounds.  My second semester of school, I was all "nuh-uh, oh no, no more."  I have no idea how much weight I lost -- I'm not even sure I ever stepped on a scale -- but I began the semester busting out of size 14's and refusing to buy size 16's (and I was in a land of size 0's and 2's - ouch).  I ended a size 8/10.  I lost a lot of weight.  And in less than a semester.  And all I did was start working out daily and substituted Subway for Whataburger and ate a lot of Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice. 

I would never, ever in my life want to be 18 again.  But I would love to have that metabolism back.

I can't lie: when I started this diet (less than two weeks ago!) I really expected to lose 4-5 pounds in the first week.  That's how things have gone for me in the past.  Sure, it's all water weight.  But who cares?  Pounds off the scale!  Well, I only lost two pounds in the first week.  I was okay with that - not ecstatic, but okay - because I was thinking I could keep that up and my seven pounds would be gone before the end of January.

I lost 1.4 pounds this week.

Stupid metabolism.

Yeah, yeah.  A loss is still a lossAt least it's not a gain!  Slow and steady.  Yadda, yadda.  I get it.  But I'm still irritated.  WHY CAN I NOT HAVE THE METABOLSIM OF MY 20'S AGAIN?  WHY DID I NOT APPRECIATE THAT METABOLISM WHEN I HAD IT?  Why, in the past, would I complain about only losing two pounds in a week?  (Yes, I realize the difference in 2 lbs and 1.4 lbs is not that substantial but I'm not being rational right now -- it's 27 degrees outside this morning, my 3-year-old woke me up at 5:45 this morning, and Jay-Z's "Glory" is on a Yahoo poll for best lullaby along with Beautiful Boy and Isn't She Lovely and I'm wondering if people really - REALLY - believe his stupidity belongs on the same level with John Lennon and Stevie Wonder). 

Stupid metabolism.

Thursday Things

Thursday

1) So on Friday I was talking about how I'd rather eat like an asshole for the three months that, in my mind, constitute the holidays then work my ass off in January to lose it.  In theory, I know I really do believe that.  I do.  But I've also discovered that part of the reason I hate January so much is that I spend the first part of it eating 1,200 calories a day and working out twice what I normally do.  It's been a little warmer than usual this January (until today!  Snow flurries in the forecast!) and I'm still . . . feeling the January Dooldrums.  That's what happens when you go from eating all the peppermint bark and fudge every day to eating turkey sausage and egg whites. 

2) Jaidan has his physical for kindergarten on Friday.  Kindergarten!  Not only that, but last night he opened his mouth and I noticed one of his molars looked a little funny.  I freaked out a little bit -- it almost looked like part of the tooth was gone.  Then I took a closer look and realized he's cutting his permanent molars.  I know you're probably all like "BIG DEAL, permanent teeth" but YALL.  That is my BABY.  Babies do not have permanent teeth.

Also.  He's taking on a few more chores.  He helped cook his own scrambled eggs the other morning and he's also learning how to wash dishes:

I'm not so bummed about THAT part of growing up. 

3) Speaking of babies . . . my littlest one is full of piss and vinegar.  This is what my dining area currently looks like:

All the chairs are pushed BEHIND the table.  Wanna know why?
After spending two days constantly pulling her down from the counters -- that she reached by scooting and climbing on dining room chairs, I finally wised up and moved the chairs behind the table.  So she spent all day yesterday shucking her pants and diaper and running through the house full on nakey.  Fun.

4) So about those resolutions . . .
Decorating the house -- I've hung up precisely one picture and have my mantle halfway completed.  Overacheiver here.
Organizing the house -- I cleaned out my junk drawer!  This is HUGE.  I also reorganized/ straightened all but one of my kitchen cabinets.  I've started (slowly but surely) working on my closet.  The closet is the hardest part.  I still have some shirts from high school!  I form an emotional attachment to clothes.  And I always wonder "But what if these come back in style?"  I mean, one of these days those green cordurory overalls I wore in 1997 MIGHT come back in style and what if my daughter wants a pair and I COULD HAVE just passed mine down to her only I got rid of them in a closet clean out one January? 
Losing the holiday poundage -- I'll know this week's weight loss tomorrow but I'll tell you this, I haven't had more than 1,500 calories in nearly two weeks now.  I'm LOVELY to be around, lemme tell ya. 

5) My life is really boring right now.  However.  Four weeks from today, three of my girlfriends will be in town.  And four weeks from tomorrow, we'll get up extra early and be on the road to Nola!  I see po' boys and Hurricanes and beignets and Bourbon Street in my future.

6) So Monday night, after the National Championship game, I texted my husband to let him know the score.  He responds with, "Sad" and a FROWNY FACE.  I wanted to write back with, "What are you -- a woman?"  He was only cheering for LSU because I was cheering for Alabama (Roll Tide) yet found it "sad" that they didn't even score one single teeny tiny point.  There really was no reason behind me telling you that story other than I wanted to rehash, once again, that LSU DID NOT SCORE ONE SINGLE TEENY TINY POINT.  (Sorry Jess).  I suppose I could find it in my Woo Pig Soiee heart to feel sorry for them if they were not coached by Les Miles.

7) I made these honey roasted chickpeas the other day.  Jaidan and Karis LOVED them.  Kyan, of course, would not touch them.  But the other two kids - good grief.  I kept them in this little container and Karis FINALLY managed to pull it down and get the lid off and get her grub on:


8) Speaking of Kyan and things he won't eat -- the doctor told him that since he's three he needs to eat at least three bites of the vegetables I serve him.  For lunch the other day I cut up three bites of celery, put peanut butter on them, and told him for everyone he ate I would give him an M&M.  His response?  "I don't want any M&M's."  Little turd.

9) Have I mentioned that I leave for New Orleans four weeks from tomorrow?

10)
Happy Thursday!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 

Popular Posts